support thread for people with a baby and toddler finding it tough and not believing that there might be light at the end of the tunnel!!

[exasperatedmum]

I've posted numerous times before bemoaning the fact that my now nearly 3 year old dd is spirited/wilful/challenging etc etc, and drives me to distraction. Am on an emotional roller-coaster every day, and am shattered as 5 month old obviously not sleeping through, and bf every three hours. Every time I post I get a cluster of 'know how you feel' posts but no solutions as there are none, I know!! So I wondered if there is anyone else out there who feels like me, and whether we could sort of help each other through, because believe me there are days when I think I'm not going to make it!! I keep telling myself "She's only two" and "I'm in charge" but feel like I'm being run rings around. Can't decide if my expectations are too high, and I'm just turning into a witch of a Mum, or if I'm trying hard to have boundaries and be firm with a very non-compliant toddler. Baby has reflux so that isn't helping my general mood. I always thought I'd love parenthood, but honestly I find it the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and would love to have just a teeny tiny break to revive my flagging spirits... but no chance. Anyone out there?!

Schulte I feel a bit of a fraud aswell as Ds1 is at nursery 4 days a week so it is just Mondays and bedtime that are hell for me (and really bedtimes aren't that bad tbh as I don't pick DS1 up until after 5 and then it is a good 10-15 minute walk home so by the time both boys have had tea and a bath, it is practically bedtime!!)

Jumpyjan for you - you sound as if you are struggling. No advice on the bf though as I bottlefed both of mine....plus it is a very personal decision but I guess you have to do whatever is best for the entire family unit

2.2yo and 5mo here! Am another fraud with toddler at nursery some of the week - but it is chaotic on other days.

The baby is a doddle - but the limpet that is dd1 is funny, exasperating, challenging, adorable and everything else inbetween!

Feeling particularly fragile today after a 5.45am wake up wail "mummy, mummy,mummy, open door mummy" from dd1 which of course woke up dd2 - sigh.

Anyone got a toddler that has decided that food refusal is the best way forward evry single day - aaaagggghhhhh - I am trying so hard not to make mealtimes an "issue" but my god she is pushing me to my limits.

Yet another one here - ds1 is just 3 and ds2 is 3 weeks. Ds1 had silent reflux and his early months were so awful I have mostly blocked them out. All I can remember from that time is the sound of him crying!

His reflux kicked in around 3 weeks so I am on tenterhooks waiting to see if my currently laid back ds2 will suffer in the same way. All was going swimmingly till last night and today when ds2 has been like a different baby, very unsettled. Keep telling myself it doesn't mean anything, probably just having a colicky period, but am tensing up at every tiny cough and cry... made me realise how much I dread going through it again. If ds2 can just be a happy baby I reckon I can cope fine [looks pleadingly at finally sleeping baby].

It's good to read about others in similar situations. When you see people out and about with a new baby and toddler they all seem to make it look easy!

Sorry hope this is not confusing - have just changed my name (I was Schulte before). Reading through all your posts, I think I am fairly lucky actually as DD1 and DD2 are pretty good most of the time really. But I still feel shattered in the evening, my whole body aches from carrying DD2 around and feeding her and I feel like I never sit down for more than half a minute on days I have both of them! My life saver is getting out and about, going to the park and seeing friends. And the telly of course

Jimmy - fingers crossed for no reflux...

Oh - and does anyone else on here find that they really enjoy car journeys now as it's the only time the children will be quiet and you can sit still?

Jimmy I really hope it isn't reflux - am sure it isn't I know exactly how you are feeling though - DS1 had to have an operation when he was 8 weeks old so we were on tenterhooks with DS2 hoping he wouldn't have the same and obsessing with the symptoms (thankfully he didn't but the main symptom of the condition was vomiting and DS2 did have a phase of vomiting a lot when he was 5 weeks old which was the key age so me and DH were terrified!!)

Feierband yes I do love car journeys as they are peaceful and I can listen to the radio stations I want to (i.e. music) as DS1 has not twigged yet that we have a CD player in the car that would play his belived Thomas stories

beloved

Jimmy - good luck with the reflux. I had v similar thing w my first dd, who was a very sicky baby. Was dreading it 2nd time around, had all the muslins ready etc. DD2 now 17 months and I think I can count on one hand the number of times she's thrown up!

FAbend - think your gap is about the same as mine, I remember thinking that the only time I ever sat down was to breastfeed. Although actually when dd2 was about 4 months old we were potty training dd1 (aged 2 and a bit) so of course there was was always the added complication of unceremoniously dumping baby after being rudely unplugged from boob whilst leaping across room for potty before it was too late. Ah, happy days.

It's funny, as reading about all of you with small babies still makes me realise that we really have moved on and actually even now they're tiring in different ways, once you start getting a proper night's sleep again (although I was lucky as happened q early on) it does help you put things in perspective. And also once you start preparing one meal for both of them rather than different foods (or at least different consistencies!). So it does get easier.

HA so what am I complaining about? Main issue at mo seems to be that dd2 is copying everything dd1 is doing and that is a LOT of very bad learned behaviour. Esp the stropping. Is it too soon to put a 17 month old on the naughty mat (our version of naughty step)? Did it to her for 1st time the other day (for deliberate hair pulling of older sis) and she ROARED

Oh yes and re car journeys, on the rare occasions when they both fall asleep at the same time, I look at their little sleeping faces (one on each side of driving mirror) and think "Am I a BAD mummy because this is one of the moments when I love them the most?"

hairygodmotyher I thought exactly the same thing as I drove mine home yesterday !

Another one here who has been through all this but can also report that there is hope!!!

My dds are 26 months apart - now 3.3 and 13 months. The first few months last summer were quite blissful as dd2 was so much more chilled out than dd1. It all hit home at about 4 months...no sleep / no break cos dd1 dropped her nap 2 weeks before dd2 arrived and wasn't at nursery yet/endless night feeds / dd1 being vv demanding / being at home all the time with both of them,desperately trying to do all the things 'normal' people do / and a chronic pain condition to boot... it was hell until about 8/9 months and has just recently started to feel normal, manageable (vaguely!) and even pleasant!!

dds now play together, dd2 idolises her big sis, they have been sharing a room since dd2 was about 11 months and that's [mostly] great. dd1 is well settled at playgroup for the last few months and will be a preschooler every morning soon, and I even managed to go back to work 2 days / week in May!

In short - it's bloody hard work,it really does get better,there are no easy ways through but you will survive - cbeebies is fine, nursery / playgroup is greaat, time off every now and then is a must however you arrange it, red wine is A Very Good thing.

Getting out to see friends / go to park etc is a lifesaver, as is (funnily enough) having another child to play - if dd1 has a friend round they will play together and leave me alone for a bit, plus she then gets to go and play with that friend another day!

We even went camping for a night this week, that is how much better things have got!Hang on in there, it will pass.

Sorry huge post

meep glad you thought the same as I do. I asked my dh that question when I got them home after they'd slept on journey and he said, yes, it does make you a bad mummy . Cheers mate. Think he was joking but not entirely sure ...

Completely know where you're coming from!

DD1 3 in October, DD2 5 mths old and waking up at 1.5 hourly intervals cos of skin/query allergies. DD1 bright button, v manipulating, obviously love her to bits but

AAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

That's the only place I feel I can do this. Thankyou. I feel better now.

I was just going to say, hang in there if only because I am and lots of us are. We do have moments of loveliness here and suddenly then I don't feel like loser mum and that we can all get through this without anyone dying.

I'm off to bed to get perhaps a few zzzz before DD2 starts off.

Good luck!

I am loving the posts of people who've been through it and survived I find you really have to cherish those little moments of peace, when one of them sleeps and the other one is happy playing on her own, or when DD2 makes DD1 giggle, or when we all cuddle up together in bed in the morning.

DD1 makes DD2 giggle, even...

Sleep well, gardengirlie! I should be in bed but am hoping for a bit of a back rub first. Have been using the sling quite a bit these last few days to keep DD2 happy.

I love those moments when Ds1 makes DS2 laugh but unfortunately they are few and far between. Ds2 appears to love nothing better than DS1 sat on him (all 33lbs of him) wiggling his arms around - Ds2 absolutely laughs his head off at that which makes it hard for us to discourage although I am sure if can't be good for him

Only just found this thread - my dc were born 20 months apart.

Had it all when they were little - colic, the hell of teething, potty training dd whilst bf ds almost constantly, dh working away most of the time...

They are 6 & 7 now and it's BRILLIANT. They play together brilliantly most of the time, ds had loved going to school with his big sister, we can hop in the car and go to the cinema/playground/for a walk in the holidays.

I look back on those years and it's all a bit of a blur but so worth it.

Ah, I wish this thread had been around when dd2 was born. The gap between my dds is 21 months.

Can I just say that, although I remember it being hella hard going for a long time, now they are 4 and 5 and we are well out of that tunnel . Nothing lovelier now than the sound of the 2 of them laughing uproariously at some secret shared joke. (Though the sound of them squabbling over 'shared' toys is less pleasant, admittedly).

It does get easier, honest.

My parents still have a photo of my 2 younger brothers and I asleep in the back of the car! Mum looked at it regularly when we squabbling
Today wasn't too bad partly cos DS was at nursery this am, and DH finished early! Just got in from social evening at church where they showed the 'Joseph' DVD - both DCs were SO good, stayed awake through it all and DS was transfixed all the way through! Glad we took them in their pyjamas though - has to be the easiest bedtime ever!

I would love the pleasure of going to the park and letting my DS run around wildly burning off his endless energy, while I just watch with glee but no my trips the the park consist of running around after DS, furiously apologising to all the parents cos he's shoved their child, doesnt help the fact that he senses the weak children who cry at the drop of anything.

I would rather stay in than be faced with that, which i do so thats the reason why im really at the end of my tether at the end of each day.

I took him to the library yesterday for rhyme time and he was strapped securely in his pushchair the whole time I am by far the worlds worst mum

another late joiner here - ds is 28m and dd is 4m and yep, it's been a wee bit challenging round here lately. Not as bad as some of you are having though - but wait til October when dh goes away for a fortnight . I shall be here moaning LOTS then

Thank you so much for all the people who have been there and survived. It is certainly inspiring me to keep going! We obviously have a way to go but once DC4 is here I keep telling myself, everyday is a day to more independence (there will be no more in this house, sending DH to the docs to make sure!!!).

And yes, I love car journeys and go into there room every night when they are asleep and feel bad for adoring them the most at this time.

Busy day today - had DD2 in the sling quite a lot while chasing after DD1 and now my back hurts like mad and I feel like it's the middle of the night already. Off to bed while DH complains that he never sees me of an evening I hope the other DHs are a bit more understanding?