Calling all Mum's of demanding kids - are your fuses as short as mine? :( sorry, bit long)

[balanomorey]

Am wondering if I'm normal or in need of anger management!!
My coming up to 3 yo dd is so demanding, I seem to spend 3 parts of my day bawling her out or saying no - it's so demorilising - I'm sure for her too, although I know I have to set boundaraies, don't I?

Her speech and awareness of what's going on around her is, imo sometimes gobsmacking for her age. She knows exactly what she wants, can ask (demand) for it very articulately and comes out with expressions that very often floor me! She seems to know too much at a young age. But as she is so young, she is obviously so very immature in many other ways and always wants to run before she can walk ("I do it" is her favourite expression) and when i say no, because imo what she is asking for she can't do or it is dangerous to have etc, she goes off on one. She also takes forever to do what I ask - all in all, she can be SOOOO frustrating - but at the same time, adorable and I lurve her to bits!

However, as I said all this continual conflict of interest is wearing me down as I am constantly saying no and shouting to the point where she will say 'don't shout at me' before bursting into tears or she will panic if she knows or thinks she's done something wrong as she will say "sorry, sorry, sorry" over and over and looks genuinely scared I'm going to tear her off a strip .

Feel really bad this morning as we were late getting to nursery and she suddenly decided just as we were going out the door that she needed the potty. I was not best pleased as she has used the potty as an excuse lately to keep getting out of bed or stall bedtime...she sits there for ages insisting she needs to go and nothing happens, so assumed she was playing this game again. This happened last night at 3 in the morning (the sides have just come off her cot, and I think she thinks this is a great excuse for disturbing the household in the middle of the night now that she can get out and tell us she needs a wee)...so this morning I bawled her out for needing the potty (frazzled on the back of a bad night, maybe) and felt awful as she then proceeded to do a big wee...told me to say sorry for shouting at her...and told me how much she loves me ..so have been feeling guilty and crap mum all morning.

Just a bit of a rant really, but make me feel better by telling me I'm not unusual to shout - I hate shouting and am fed up of spending a large part of my day bawling and getting wound up. Am I alone in this?
Thanks for reading, sorry so long, just needed to vent. x.

rachel GREAT post. i too am prone to verbal diarrhoea so i sympathise with the way you came back and had a little cringe!! but you always come across as so thoughtful and wise so i guarantee no-one is thinking 'blimey, it's that BLOODY woman again with her long-winded posts full of hot air'!! completely the opposite.
re what you said - did you by any chance write the 'how to talk to kids so your kids will listen' book??! bcs that empathy first approach is their mantra and i have seen time and again with my own 'challenging' DD that it really does work. does not, of course, mean permissive parenting - just always beginning with understanding. i agree it is so helpful to put yourself in their shoes. i was a very anxious child, and that's helped me see where my daughter's coming from countless times.
okay must get back to mayhem in background on that note - eek - look at the blinkin' time - on a school morning too!! -keep the faith girls!

oh god demanding children! your post about needing the potty as you are on way out of the door is something i can relate to. DD1 (4) does this often. most often when we are late for dancing and i have just put her leotard, tights and coat on. off comes the coat off with leotard, off with the tights. i honestly can sometimes feel an urge to throttle her. especially when she does just as i have got the buggy outside and cannot go upstairs alone incase there are dragonflies!

i deal with it by doing a countdown with her. i.e. do you need a wee because we are getting ready for dancing in a minute. after that programme we will put your things on for dancing so go to the toilet please. after your leotard is on we are setting off to dancing on the way we will go to the shop. and on and on so she always knows whats coming next. though she still ends up needing a wee just as we leave the house it does seem to stop the "ill go after dora has finished" tantrums.

everything has to be done ten minutes ago with her too "can i have a drink? you havent got me a drink yet. im thirsty i need a drink. well can i just have my cup then and ill get my own drink" "FOR GODS SAKE CANT YOU SEE THAT I AM EATING!! AT LEAST GIVE ME CHANCE TO ANSWER YOU" "can i have my cup then?" arrrrrrrrrrrgh.

not much advise. i am still trying to find a way through it myself. just lots of sympathy. i often lose my temper too. its easy to do when you are being constantly badgered by a child who seems incapable of listening or being patient.

Rachel, thanks for talking about empathy. I am guilty of answering in an irritated way, when the DC badger me. It would use up just the same energy to answer them empathetically. I know I should use humour more with them too, but often I am feeling so intensely irritated and frazzled I just can't do it.

The odd thing is I help out at school a lot, and have so much patience with other children. When it comes to my own I suppose they know which buttons to press to get me going. I have tried pretending they are someone else's DC when they are winding me up, but it hasn't really worked.

Another tip for not losing it, I read on here, was to imagine Kirsty Allsop and the Location, Location team are in your house filming. It did help me for a while. When I was just about to have a fit, like push a chair over or shout, I'd imagine Kirsty looking on with her hands on her swirly-skirted hips, and her eyebrows raised.

KatieK, the empathy thing is discussed in a great book called "The 7 secrets of sucessful parenting", have you read it? My DH bought it me for my birthday (was he trying to tell me something?! ) Nah, only messing, he knows I just have a particular interest in parenting and child psychology and actually put some THOUGHT into his present this year LOL!

It talks about 7 different types of parent and the different parenting styles they have, and what the advantages of each type are. One of them is the "tuned-in parent", and I realised that that's the parenting style that most struck a chord with how I deal with my 2.

If you like reading parenting books just for your own interest, then it really is a good one. Loads of practical advice and proper strategies for dealing with particular situations and problems and helpful to see that there is usually no single right way to deal with a problem, it could be approached in different ways, with the same successful outcome. Lots of real life examples and stories from parents too.

SheSells.....VERY funny reading this bit of your post: "can i have a drink? you havent got me a drink yet. im thirsty i need a drink. well can i just have my cup then and ill get my own drink" "FOR GODS SAKE CANT YOU SEE THAT I AM EATING!! AT LEAST GIVE ME CHANCE TO ANSWER YOU" "can i have my cup then?" arrrrrrrrrrrgh. I only had to READ that scenario and I could feel my blood pressure going up. It's exactly what my 4 year old does and drives me totally mental at times. They really don't see us as real human beings with our own needs, do they?!

Ah, now you see, Mimizan, if I were to imagine Kirsty standing there with her swirly-skirted hips, I would lose all remnant of patience and yell "oh for god's sake, can't you see that those bloody A-line skirts do NOTHING for your figure?"

Agree it's really hard to be empathetic when you are desperately tired and worn-down. At bad times, it has turned into sarcasm with me. eg. "Oh, you're fed up, are you? Oh dear, poor you! (said in a totally sarcastic way) You think YOU'RE fed up, what about poor Mummy who has to listen to the two of you moaning and moaning about nothing in particular for no reason? blah blah blah blah." One time, DS1 actually said to me after one of these outbursts "It must be hard being a mummy to a 3 year old and a little toddler". Damn right!

Well at least you'd be shouting at Kirsty and not the DC.

I love this thread, I've laughed and I've nearly cried. I'm so relieved there are loads of people going through the same as me.

Can anyone tell me what approach to take in my thinking and what to say to my DD in these situations:

1. In the mornings I am a monster and want to be left alone. DS (3) comes into our room and gets up on the bed and tells me something about a toy and I find him so cute and my heart melts. DD (5) comes in, jumps on the bed and talks (louder than DS) about something more complex and it just sounds like fast, non-stop, mind numbing drivel to me and in my head I'm thinking "Fuck off" . I find she 'invades' my head so much more than him and demands more response when I just want to be left alone to process my thoughts and be still. (I think she is an extrovert and although friends think I am an extrovert, truly I am an introvert who just acts like an extrovert sometimes).

1. At bathtimes (we only do it once a week , DS gets in and is happy to have his bath and play with bath toys etc. DD puts her feet in the water, no matter how cold we have made it, and starts screaming "It's hot, it's too hot". She won't sit down so we can wash her. I worry about her slipping and smashing her teeth. I've tried saying "I know you don't like it so take all the time you need and sit down when you are ready" but after waiting a certain amount of time I can't take anymore and just want to get on with the bath and finish it and not stay in there all night! So I get angry and start ranting at her. She sits down and I start washing her then she wails "It's too cold!". She is never happy.

I wash her hair and she is quite good at putting her head back now so it doesn't go in her eyes but if she gets the tiniest drip in her eye she screams and gets angry. When she gets out of the bath she is too cold and shouts at me for not getting her dressed quickly enough. Each time I am disappointed with myself for losing my temper and being really nasty to her at bathtime and I vow to do it better next time but however hard I try I nearly always lose it.

1. DD has sudden fears about almost anything. Once she gets it into her head that something is scary she quickly becomes terrified and starts screaming and getting angry with us if we don't do something about it. When she starts screaming DS also thinks there is something to be scared of so he starts screaming and then I'm angry with DD for passing her fear (which I see as an unnecessary fear) onto DS.

1. DD is creative and talented at art and craft (also at ballet). She has ambitions for her projects which are often beyond her capabilities. She tries something, it goes a bit wrong and she gets absolutely furious and screams and rages and thrashes about with scissors in her hand and sometimes destroys the work she has done so far. I say "If you make that noise I will pack it all away for 5 mins til you calm down, you have to calm down and try again or think of a different way to do it". Am I doing the right thing? She is still getting mad.

1. DD wants to talk and talk at me, often complete nonsense and I do try to be interested and try to respond (she says the same thing over and over if I don't respond) and I try to sound interested but sometimes I just can't take it anymore, it feels like mind numbing torture by incessant annoying noise! I end up saying "Please just don't talk to me for a few minutes, go away and leave me alone for a bit" then I feel like I am rejecting her.

1. DD seems quite thick skinned in a way in that if you tell her off for something, even when she was a baby, she would laugh in your face. Even now, I tell her off and she just looks like she really doesn't care and it isn't enough punishment just to be told off to be a decentive not to do it again. I feel I need to punish her so that she regrets her behaviour, so I have consequences like taking things away from her or sending her to her room for 5 mins. I worry that I feel I'm really trying to be mean to her and make her cry so that she feels punished enough to not do it again.

I hate it that I don't feel the same about her as I do about DS even though I think DS is spirited as well in a different way (very very sensitive). If I just ask him nicely not to do something he cries loudly and tragically for a long time. In fact he cries about nearly everything eg dropping his fork on the floor is a tragedy.

ActingNormal, mornings and bathtimes are my two worst times as well. I really am not a morning person and I have to try so hard to be pleasant to ds1 and not just bark orders at him. He'll be drifting around, head in the clouds, ignoring me when I talk to him and I get so mad. I just want to get him ready as quick as possible without any hassle, without having to repeat myself 10 times.

As for bathtime, I would say that I actually dread it. I guess as it's the end of the day so we're both tired, but ds1's way of behaving at this time is so infuriating, just silly things like yawning ostentatiously when i try to brush his teeth, spraying water around the bathroom. God, it all sounds so petty but at the time it winds me up so much. I hate it when we've had a really nice day, but then we have bathtime, he acts like this, i get cross and yell and then he goes to bed and I get sad that he won't remember any of the nice things that happened but just being yelled at by mean Mummy

Do you think your DD is picking up on the fact that you find DS a lot easier than her? Maybe she's feeling a bit left out or rejected, and messing around like this is a way of trying to get attention - the old 'any attention is better than none' thing. I picked up on no 3 on your list - her 'passing on' fears to DS sounds a bit like she may feel her feelings aren't being acknowledged but she is being being blamed instead?

Hello AN . I know you from the 'Stately Homes' thread.

Your DD does sound like a spirited child. She sounds very bright, creative and energetic. Now she's 5 perhaps this could channeled a bit into after-school activities. My DS2 started an art after school club he enjoyed at 5. I also bought him lots of arts and crafts materials which he likes doing at home. I tend to leave him to it as he gets cross if I get involved.

Re. bath time, can you coax her into the bath with bubbles or toys so she forgets to moan. Perhaps you could appeal to her being a big girl, and encourage her to wash herself with her own special flannel.

As Monkey mentioned perhaps this behaviour is just a way to get more attention. What does she really like doing? Perhaps she could choose an activity such as the cinema and the two of you could go together? You could have a 'pamper session' where you put nail varnish on/ do her hair etc.

You could even have a star chart for bath time with stickers for each time she has a bath without fuss. The main reward could be an afternoon with you all to herself.

HTH

AN

this thread is SO reassuring is it not?! i was like you - SO relieved to find other people going through the same stuff as me - it's a constant source of comfort!!

your crafts sessions strike SUCH a chord with me. my spirited 7 yr old is obsessed with arts and crafts but has zero teolerance for the slightest aspect of whatever project it is going even slightly wrong. OH the fun we have had with scissors, wool, glue and cardboard!! just thinking about it makes me feel faint with horror, to be honest. i could reel off dozens of examples of it all going pear-shaped and ending in drama and sobs within, ooh, 20 seconds.

someone bought her a 'first sewing kit' last week - ARGH - all colour drained from my face as i surveyed said BEAST emerging from its wrapping paper!! the usual tantrum ensued but...and here is HOPE FOR YOU ALL..after ten minutes or so she calmed down then said 'mummy you know this is the type of thing that REALLY FRUSTRATES me, can you put it away because it's making me upset'. breakthrough!! all the years of trying to help her 'verbalise her emotions' finally paying off. or something like that. or maybe the Good Fairy was hovering (nearly wrote hoovering - i wish!!) nearby and waved her wand. i dunno. i did of course have to buy her another present (her sense of injustice is wildly overdeveloped) though kerching...

the crafts thing has been SO draining. like your DD mine's ambitions were vastly inflated beyond her potential (and my home's for providing materials!). even now i HIDE sections of magazines featuring arts and crafts. someone gave us some brownie mags recently - all went to the recycling bcs of the huge numbers of crafts featured - i had to make sure she didn't see them!!! fortunately her school does enough with her now to satisfy her urges and of course..,at school she is fine!! and bcs her bro isn't that into them she does lots of differnt stuff with him instead. er, like hiding all the dvd's behind the sofa cushions 'because they were being naughty' (that's what they're up to just now. SIGH). better go...

much more to add re your other points but must get...HOMEWORK then BATHTIME underway...oh the fun never stops, does it?!

ps rachel - ordering the 7 secrets of successful parenting immediately. thanks!!
pps a-line skirts are a huge mistake in all but 0.5% of the population, IMHO

I haven't read all the posts, but just wanted to say that I seem to have a short fuse too. I have 2 ds and ds1 is the most demanding. I find that if I've lost my temper it is best for me to say sorry to the kids. I tend to say sorry then explain why I got angry i.e. I was worried we were going to be late and I need to be at work on time today.

I also try to say yes more often. i.e. 'yes you can watch tele' AFTER TEA!

Hope you feel a bit better about it. I think lots of mums shout and never ever say that they do.

rachel - your post re empathising and putting dc in your shoes really got me thinking....what a good piece of advice. Wish I'd picked it up sooner as this afternoon, dd had a major strop because I used the doggy stamp on the orange playdoh before her (of course, it never crossed her mind to use it until I said all enthusiastically and excitedly - like you do - using the same tone of voice you might use if you'd just seen George Clooney walking thro the door, "Whooh, look at the lovely doggy stamp, I'm going to use it on the orange doh'. This was met by "I want it" by which time it was too late as the fateful imprint had been made....all hell let loose. DD stropped big time, I couldn't understand the fuss and just left her to it telling her rather sternly that she was silly - you are right, who am I to say it's silly - to her it so obviously was a big deal. Wow, have I learned a lot this past week!!

Acting - could your dds behaviour be largely attention seeking - the being in your face a lot and the drama queen behaviour at bathtime? Is she jealous of the time you spend with ds or maybe she's picked up on the fact that you perhaps aren't so wound up by him? Sounds like it may be a combo of that and also typical, inquisitive, draining 5 yr old behaviour. I have a friend who has a 5 yo dd who never stops talking. I had her for the day once and was mentally exhausted by the time she went home - she talked continuously about crap! Perhaps you could bath them separately on different nights - maybe if you made a bif fuss of it being her bath, make it really girlie with some of those bath sprinkles or bath bombs or something, she may co-operate a bit more?
Thanks again to all for your valuable contributions to this thread! Let's keep the support going!! x.

Ladies - some advice needed here, please.
We have been having trouble getting dd to go to bed for about 2 weeks now, since we decorated her bedroom and took the sides off her cot.

What should take 10 mins is taking 45! She has a story (while messing about, so that can take ages - changing mind over the book, getting out of bed, dictating exactly how it should be read - tonight I had "Mummy, take your arm off my bed") then keeps calling us back for juice (it's in a cup by her bed), to ask silly questions but mostly to say she needs a wee/poo. I have started to tell her that if she asks for a poo/wee and dosn't do one, then the book I read for storytime goes in the bin. I have also told her that if she calls us back just to be silly, one of her dollies goes in the bin - but if she's good and goes to sleep without calling us back, she can have breakfast in the morning with said dolly. Am I being too harsh? Is 3 years old too young to be threatening to bin toys, can she understand this? (I'm sure she can as she is sooo clued up, but }
It's driving me mad - by the time bedtime routine is over, half the night's gone - dh & I haven't eaten yet!! It is also winding me up - all my mantras and everything went out the window tonight. we'd just done a wee, cleaned potty, washed hands, back to bed and within a nanosecond, she asked for a poo. I told her if she didn't do one, Thomas the Tank book was heading for the bin - so she pushed me...and I smacked her bum ...once again, bad, crap mummy...what have I learned??? Again, it came from the blue - just really p'd off with all the messing about. Didn't do a poo, so Thomas, as far as she's concerned, is in the bin. Once again, feel awful, just want to go and give her a big cuddle but she's now asleep and don't want to wake her for obvious reasons. will have to settl for a virtual cuddle. With time I am determined to conquer the red mist ...am I doing right to use the bin as a threat?
Thanks. x.

bedtime used to be awful in our house, it got to the point where she wouldnt go to sleep in her bed, it had to be on my bed and i would move her when i came to bed, she wouldnt go in her room, she would cry and scream to get out.

at the very worst she wouldnt go to bed till about 10.30, then wouldnt sleep unless i was with her and in my bed, by which time i was shattered and was looking up the supernanny routine where you keep putting them back to bed saying nothing.

she just changed, in a couple of nights she just decided she wanted to be in her bed and now goes to bed 7,7.30 every night.

what i am saying is, things will get better. we put a fish in dd's bedroom to help her feel safe.
i removed anything she said was scary and got her a big foam dora to stick on the door to help look after her.

hopefully your dd is just trying to string it out, try to be firm and consistant and she might get the message.

it cant be as bad as what we went through with our dd. and i never want her to go back to being like that, i need my time in the evening to wind down.

i have just read my reply back and realised i sound like one of htose smug mummies i hate

i am not being like that, just hoping you understand i t will get better and you are not alone

I think the book in the bin is a bit harsh for a nearly 3 yr old. Even when it is one of those awful Thomas books!

Her room and bed are different. It seems to me that she needs a bit of reassuring and that is why she is calling you back. You need to make her feel at ease at bed time which threats etc aren't going to.

Both my DCs went through a phase of being a bit scared of going to bed just after their third birthdays. They went to bed no trouble before then. With DS who was very articulate like your DD, we made sure he had everything he could possibly need before saying goodnight: box of tissues, cup of water etc. He used to suddenly get stomach ache at bedtime every night. Either invented (but a bit young for that) so probably just anxiety. So I would stress how close I was, how I could hear, would check on him while asleep etc to reassure him. Oh and kiss his tummy better of course!

I don't want to sound smug either. I have shouted 'oh just go back to bed will you' and stomped downstairs leaving DH to deal with it!

balano you take me straight back to perth, australia, 2005, we're in a horrid rented house, all 1970s exposed brick and dark as a tomb, no support, no f*king sleep either bcs the kids (note how i blame them, dh and i are perfect of course )are so f*king dysfunctional ARGH, ie wake us throughout the night for no apparent reason (i once got up to them eight times, 5 and 3 apiece)- anyway DD is at that time 3 going on 4 and the night-time routine is followed very strictly until she is in bed, lights off...then the fun starts. tissues...potty..hungry..scared...terrified..don't leave me..monsters..heart stopping beating..thirsty...mummy are you there don't leave me...christ i do not KNOW how i survived that year.
my approach was to always try to reassure, simply bcs had been anxious child myself and 'felt her pain'. trouble is i think i felt it too much and forgot to actually try to restore some sort of balance! but honestly she was so anxious that i couldn't really consider it naughtiness. and it gradually got better, as lizandlulu says.

what i find so interesting and challenging in all of this is what to consider naughtiness and what to consider infuriating but understandable anxiety (or tiredness or over-wroughtness or whatever). i still struggle with that. when they visited, my parents would silently sit there and i could feel them thinking 'i'd soon sort her out if i had my way' - but i remember so vividly my anxieties aged 4 and 5 getting short shrift from them and i want DD to remember an understanding mother (even though i will by then be in an early grave! well - even more reason to make those memories good ones)

Thanks both - neither of you sound smug! Liz - gosh, what you had to do makes by current bedtime routine a walk in the park! Hopefully, you are right and it is just a phase, maybe as you say otherside, as her room has changed and she's getting used to it.
It's just sometimes hard to shake the ridiculous notion that she's messing around to nark you....I know that's not the case but I can't help feeling cheesed off. Guess it's just the awareness that the prescious evening 'me' time is ebbing away with each silly messing about moment!
Perhaps I am being harsh in threatening the bin for her toys - I'm just desparate to try and get her to conform!!
Just going to have to ride this one out, I guess through gritted teeth with an angelic smile on my face and a potty in one hand and a beaker of juice in the other!!!

Katie - I agree - it is important to understand the difference between plain naughtiness and difficult behaviour brought on by anxiety or whatever. However, at the time, unfortunately, both can result in the same reaction - shouty mummy!! It's only afterwards on reflection and anlysis that you can rationalise their behaviour and then feel twice as bad! Oh for the ability to hold your child in suspended animation while you have time to calm down, assess the situation and then bahave appropriately. Wouldn't it be so much easier all round! Or even better wind back time to avoid the situation altogethe!!!

ActingNormal: re your bathtime woes and your DD moaning that it#s either too hot or too cold. Have you tried saying to her "Well, DD, tonight when we run the bath we are going to do things a bit differently. Tonight, YOU are in charge of deciding when the bath is at the correct temperature for you to get into."

Re: your little morning motormouth! No advice but totally sympathise......that kind of behaviour from either of mine gets on my nerves the most when it interrupts a nice, cuddly peaceful little heart-to-heart with the other DS. I really resent it! Suppose it might be jealousy or something.

Point number 4 about the crafts, my 4 year old gets like that too. I THINK that he gets particulaly frustrated as he sees doing crafts as producing something totally original all by himself and usually which he gets loads of admiration and praise for. If you think about it, at that age, there are not a whole lot of activities which they are able/allowed to do without plenty of input from an adult. They can't be left alone in the kitchen to cook as too dangerous. They need coaching from someone at most sporting activities. My 4 year old has an unusual interest in cars and how they are made/work/are driven (he had to show me where the bonnet release button was the other week as I couldn't find it ), but of course, there's no way that little bit of future potential "talent" could be given any real outlet at the moment. With craft stuff, you can generally leave them totally in control of what they are producing, and they produce something original to them and so they are proud of the end result, and conversely really pissed off if it goes wrong.

Balanomorey, the messing about at bed time I think is just a typical 3 year old developmental stage. They are starting to learn so much about the world at the age, and it must be a bit frightening! (have you had the "Mummy, do we all die? I don't want to die!!! WAAAHHH!" conversation yet? That's an interesting one. Plus their imagination is really starting to run riot. My DS1 did exactly the same at that age, needing another drink, change of pymamas, different book, toilet again etc etc. Well, basically EVERYTHING on your list, every night. Any excuse as a delaying tactic. I'd be careful of bringing any kind of punishment into the whole toilet issue if I were you. If I remember rightly, we just went with the needing the toilet thing till the phase passed, as I oculd never be sure if he really MIGHT need one. It's very annoying though, I agree. We didn't let him go into the bathroom time and time again though, just once or twice and each time gave him a minute or two and then shouted "Right, I'm starting this book now, you'll miss it if you're in the bathroom". And seeing as it was usually Thomas in our house too, he'd come running.

The other thing we always had at the time was a little chat about his day just before we said goodnight and left the bedroom. Sometimes it meant we could talk about any fears he had about stuff, but mainly I used the chat thing as leverage for his delaying tactics! i.e. "Ooh, DS, if you keep going to the toilet or asking me for juice, we'll run out of time and we won't be able to have our little chat as it'll be too late." The threat of missing out on that was usually enough. NOW if I feel like chatting to him before leaving his room I get "Mummy, will you please go downstairs now, you are a chatterbox and I am tired and just want to go to sleep!"

The other thing we still do which people are a bit about when we tell them, is STILL have a monitor in his room. He is 5 in a few months but frankly it is there acting as an intercom as we can talk back on it to him, reassuring his fears about daft stuff from the comfort of our sofa downstairs with a glass of wine in our hand. eg. For the past couple of weeks our nightly little monitor speech has been without fail "Night, night, DS, I love you. Yes, the bees are all asleep. No, your heart won't stop beating any time soon." !!

ooh i wish i had thought of that! having the monitor on i mean. just as a way of saving my creaking knees on the bloody stairs a zillion or so times in the last 7 yrs!!

Thank you for your ideas. Hello Mimizan .

I think it is right that DD wants more attention. Because she is so demanding I try to 'avoid' her because I find it too much and she becomes even more demanding and we are in a vicious cycle. Then sometimes I give her loads of attention and she still wants more and more. Anyway I've decided to try giving her short bursts of intensive attention, then say "Now I need a bit of space and I'm going to go and do x. I will come and talk to you again in a few minutes" so that I get breaks and she might get used to trusting me that she will get attention at regular intervals and doesn't need to nag me when I'm having my 'space'. I tried this a while back but I seem to try knew things then lapse out of them again. The technique will probably need modifying as we go along.

I like the idea of letting DD wash herself in the bath and decide herself when the water is the correct temperature. I might also try the shower and see if she prefers that.

Having said all of that and feeling positive all morning and interacting with kids at playgroup, since DD came home from school I have been rubbish. I just REALLY don't want to play with them this pm I want them to play on their own and their aggravating each other constantly and whining is making me crazy. I know I should do something with them or even have a proper conversation with them and their behaviour would improve but I just can't make myself. I'm not ill or particularly stressed about anything, I don't know why I'm like this. Sometimes I SO need to be on my own. Builders have been here this week so I haven't had proper time on my own. They have just gone. Now I feel like saying "right, now everyone piss off so I can be alone". It's definately me that's crap NOT the children.