Calling all Mum's of demanding kids - are your fuses as short as mine? :( sorry, bit long)

[balanomorey]

Am wondering if I'm normal or in need of anger management!!
My coming up to 3 yo dd is so demanding, I seem to spend 3 parts of my day bawling her out or saying no - it's so demorilising - I'm sure for her too, although I know I have to set boundaraies, don't I?

Her speech and awareness of what's going on around her is, imo sometimes gobsmacking for her age. She knows exactly what she wants, can ask (demand) for it very articulately and comes out with expressions that very often floor me! She seems to know too much at a young age. But as she is so young, she is obviously so very immature in many other ways and always wants to run before she can walk ("I do it" is her favourite expression) and when i say no, because imo what she is asking for she can't do or it is dangerous to have etc, she goes off on one. She also takes forever to do what I ask - all in all, she can be SOOOO frustrating - but at the same time, adorable and I lurve her to bits!

However, as I said all this continual conflict of interest is wearing me down as I am constantly saying no and shouting to the point where she will say 'don't shout at me' before bursting into tears or she will panic if she knows or thinks she's done something wrong as she will say "sorry, sorry, sorry" over and over and looks genuinely scared I'm going to tear her off a strip .

Feel really bad this morning as we were late getting to nursery and she suddenly decided just as we were going out the door that she needed the potty. I was not best pleased as she has used the potty as an excuse lately to keep getting out of bed or stall bedtime...she sits there for ages insisting she needs to go and nothing happens, so assumed she was playing this game again. This happened last night at 3 in the morning (the sides have just come off her cot, and I think she thinks this is a great excuse for disturbing the household in the middle of the night now that she can get out and tell us she needs a wee)...so this morning I bawled her out for needing the potty (frazzled on the back of a bad night, maybe) and felt awful as she then proceeded to do a big wee...told me to say sorry for shouting at her...and told me how much she loves me ..so have been feeling guilty and crap mum all morning.

Just a bit of a rant really, but make me feel better by telling me I'm not unusual to shout - I hate shouting and am fed up of spending a large part of my day bawling and getting wound up. Am I alone in this?
Thanks for reading, sorry so long, just needed to vent. x.

Thank you Misfit, what you said sounds like it could work for me too.

DD and I LOVE art and craft as well. It is the only thing that she is calm and focussed doing. When I actually get round to sitting with her and doing some stuff of my own while she does hers it is really nice. I TOTALLY agree about not directing them to make it look a certain way and just letting them do what they want. DD has loads of original ideas, sometimes beyond her capabilities (then I end up doing it for her while she orders me what to do - but she is still the one creating which is important). She gets into a fury if things don't work the way she wants sometimes and I don't always keep calm listening to her....

NotQuiteCockney, this (above) is mine and DD's 'thing' we do together as well as the odd bit of shopping and going to 'our' cafe without DS and DH. I think you are right, I need to try to focus on doing nice things with her and looking forward to enjoying it rather than focussing on how crazy she makes me the rest of the time! Some days I find it really hard if I'm feeling a bit ill/tired/stressed about other things and I was having one of those days when I did my last post!

hi AN and others - really good to read you and others - great advice re concentrating on arts rather than crafts misfit. my DD has always got on much, much better with painting than with the hideous, hideous little kits which still make me SWEAT when i see them - even though at nearly 8 she is mostly fine with that sort of thing now - even the dreaded SEWING! hang on in there AN. it IS loving to be setting boundaries and not to be giving into unacceptable behaviour, it certainly is, don't let yourself believe anything different. you are making sure you have lovely times with your DD to balance out the tough times and things will get better with age. it is really important to be able to say a firm NO to our children - too many of us have not mastered this skill (took me years!!). to give you hope - i can't believe how much better 7 is than 5 (and certainly 4 and 3). we get a fair amount of backchat and flouncing around but mostly things are tons, tons better, and her quirky side is entertaining and endearing rather than wearing me down into the ground as it used to. you are doing a really good job in exceedingly testing and challenging circs - things will improve slowly and one day you will consider (as i now do) the occasinoal very tricky day and think - wow - haven't had a day like this for some time now. they don't disappear but they do get more and more spaced out (until the teen years of course ) - good luck AN am thinking of you!

Thank you Katie, that's lovely. It's amazing how a few kind words can make you feel much better.

Hi there, really hoping someone might be able to give me some advice as i'm starting to feel like there's something I'm not doing right!

I think my 2 1/2 year old might be what you would call "spirited", although I start to doubt myself and wonder if i'm not patient enough or too boring for my active toddler!

To give an example of my day with him:

Woke up and watched cartoons for 5 minutes then was bored and sitting by the front door wanting to go out. Got ready quickly and took him to a soft play session to try and burn some energy. After 10 minutes he was moaning wanting to go home and wanted to be carried around and was bothered by all other children and getting aggresive towards some and screaming at them. I managed to make him stay 45 minutes pretending I was a monster after him, going on everything with him just to get my £5 worth and putting up with constant moaning throughout.

Arrived home, he wouldn't eat much so got as much down him and took him up for a lunchtime nap (he was irritable and rubbing eyes so knew he was tired). He resisted sleep for 1 1/2 after throwing stuff down the stairs, screaming, throwing himself on the floor several times hurting himself. I put him back in to bed many times and eventually he'll stay there but still screaming and kicking the wall. After 1 1/2 hours I have to say I give up because by that time if he sleeps he'll be up until very late and i'll have the same issue at bedtime.

Went for a walk into town. First shop i'm in he's screaming, trying to pull anything off shelves. (I don't shop very often, only absolute necessities).

Took him to the park, he played for 15 minutes then he wanted to be carried around and goes mad if I put him in the buggy and will scream the whole walk home because I wont carry him.

Bedtime is then 5.30pm because he's so tired and I really can't take any more! My mum always says I am mean putting him to bed so early, but I feel down from such a bad day. I try and hug him before bed and have "us" time but he does not want to be hugged. In fact he never accepts affection. The only time he wants a hug is when we are out and i've got the buggy and he wants to be carried.

Some people comment that he's a live wire or quite demanding. I feel upset that they have spent the morning doing housework because their children will watch T.V and play, then they have coffee with a friend. I cannot ever go to a coffee shop and restaurants are a nightmare too.

Has anyone had a similar experience and know what is the best action to take. I don't have any other children so he does get love and attention. I have started putting him in nursery 3 mornings a week for the past 3 months. He screams and cries on the journey to nursery and is always saying he doesn't like nursery. I just can't handle 5 days a week with him any more and I'm looking for a job because I feel like maybe i'm not doing something right and perhaps a nursery would do a better job, even though i've always been anti-nursery and wanted to be a full time mother.

Will appreciate any advice! Thanks

I don't shout very often at all - maybe once a month I raise my voice and even then it's only for a min or so. I prefer to stay calm and talk to her how I would like to be talked to. I think you need to be careful as one day soon she will start to shout back at you and there will be great shouting matches. Is there any way you can try and be calmer? Use time out if you are going to blow a fuse. Maybe read up on a book called toddler taming?