am absolutley fuming.....but think i may have ott with punishment?

[micci25]

dd1 4 has always been the apple of every ones eye, or the golden child, of my family and is therefore v spoilt, but lately her behavior has been getting worse and worse.

today we were walking to her nan's where she has her sunday lunch and she was pushing her wooden dog toy along when all of a sudden she screamed and started smashing the toy up on the side of the road!

i asked why why she told me she hated the toy it was stupid and she is glad that she broke it!

as her punishment i told her we were going home she wouldnt be going to her nan's that day but that just seemed to make things worse!

she is not sorry at all for what she did to the toy or telling me she hated me, or slamming all the doors on her way back in the house

her punishment i have decided is that she has lost all priveledges, her tv, dvd, cd player have been taken out of bedroom and there is tv or access to laptop, ds and wii untill i believe she is suitably sorry!

when i went to check on her and see what she wanted for lunch she told me she smashed up her toy because she angry with it and she also angry with me!!!!

i know that this punishment sounds extreme but i have had it up to here with her behavior, she is constantly answering back and just blatently ignoring me, telling me she never gets anything and her cousin has loads of good toys and she gets nothing, she is prone to violence towards me, is constantly in a temper at something .... the list could go on..she is just generally ferral!!!!

i know my punishment seems a bit ott but really dont know what else to do her behavior needs to calm down before she hurts herself or some one else!

does any one have any suggestions or has had similar experiences with wild uncontrolable children?

I haven't read all of the responses but felt that this is either a complete windup or WAKE UP WOMAN

Hideous, hideous, hideous parenting to give a child all those gadgets at 4 years of age. Try spending time with your DD there is not a mother alive who has not plopped their child in front of a TV to get a break from time to time but all those things in her bedroom.....maybe you could deliver her meals on a tray and have done with it

you will end up with a hideous spoilt little madam if you do not remove all those things from her room....do it now.

off back out to the sun before I say something I would regret

also she does not have a full bottle of shleur she has a glass which she usually doesnt finish

Dr who is watched by younger children though it's scary for some but Torchwood is very adult themed. I don't let my 10 year old watch it to his great annoyance but it isn't appropriate so it's tough luck.

The amount of shloer is totally irrelevant - it's the message she's getting ie I'm being treated like a grown-up friend by mummy, drinking adult drinks and watching adult tv programmes. This is really really unhealthy emotionally for her - she will not be able to cope with this sort of relationship with you as her mother. She is not your friends she is your daughter and she desperately needs you to set some boundaries and manage her emotions and behaviour, and start teaching and helping her to recognise her emotions and manage her own behaviour. There's some good advice on this thread. The problem is your relationship with your child and that needs sorting out fast, or you really are storing up huge problems for later on.Of course she can't explain why she trashed the dog, and she probably isn't sorry - she sounds like a little girl who is very confused about where she fits in and that will come out as anger and bad behaviour.

Poor little mite, being treated like an adult at 4
Let her be a child FGS, I wouldn't let my 7yr old DD watch Torchwood and she loves Dr Who.
TV in the bedroom, come on, who are you trying to kid? You know that's awful

How on earth are you expecting a 4 year old to analyse and articulate feelings of anger/frustration??

You need to be a grown up, and a parent, she is a very small child.

I am beginning to think this is a wind up.

If not it is tragic.

Are you sure she isnl;t mature for her age , becasue you wnat ehr to be . You have another "baby" so her role has been displaced and your expectations of her have changed, whetrh consciously or unconsciously. A lot of what you describe is not age appropriate, however mature she seems now in your eyes (bearing in mind she is being compared to your lo) You are encouraging her to be older than her years and she is trying to play along with it, same as she will say she loves her sister unconditionally because she knows that is what you want to hear. The anger could be her way of letting out the mixed feelings and confusion she has about this. tbh I think you need to just let her be her age or even younger, simple crafts, less tv or foucs on under 5's channels, free play with more basic toys to encourage her imagination and vent her frustrations safely if needs be. When she plays with her sister is she in a mother/teacher authority role or playing as an equal. I think that could be quite telling.

Does she get to play with her peers without you ? if so how is she at preschool or whatever ?

Can't believe the way people are focusing on the gadgets & schlur & proceeding then to sweeping generalisations about specific future problems on the basis of a little snapshot picture & episode...
Look, at end of the day, she's 4yo, she probably can't identify her ownfeelings, but she is prone to being impulsive (being 4), and she has low ability to be grateful about anything (being 4).

So, er, she's 4!! That's why she smashed the dog and tantrummed afterwards about why shouldn't she do it.

Breaking the dog wouldn't have phased me at all (and I wouldn't fix it). It's her toy to break, no?
Make her earn some of her treats/privileges with good behaviour or helping out (chores), if you think her attitude needs improvement. Also, you don't get much in our house without pleases, thank yous and patiently waiting for things...

You dont get it do you . It dosnt matter what time of day she watches TV . Torchwood is not right . On the hopes of not going too far I think you are being an extremly bad parent enchourging (sp) her to watch these programmes .

she has always been mature for her age even before dd2 and dr who!! and yes she has all those electrical things (or she did have they are all in my wardrobe atm, where they are staying for now at least) but she was not using them constantly we do spend time making things and reading etc.

when playing with dd2 she is in mother role usually but has never been encouraged at all to do that, but when she is playing with her younger cousin, she always insists that her cousin be the mother and she be the baby!

she gets on well with peers but likes to play with older children all her friends at dancing are older, aged 6 -8 probably, and she is fine at nursery but was moved to the older group shortly after starting so her friends there were older too however she is now in the highgest group and has been for sometime now so her friends have moved onto reception class and she has made new ones of her own age

i have witnessed some bossiness at nursery, at times when i have been there i.e. tidying up time she was telling every one else what to do but not really doing anything herself

she plays with basic and her favourite game right now is to play 'house' in my hallway, she gets all her toys and teddies in there and usually the dog too!!

micci25 - you have asked for advice - people have given it. You need to change many aspects of your parenting to avoid this kind of behaviour. You have made many mistakes in allowing too much gadgetry and inappropriate tv and people are advising you of this but all you are doing is justifying your behaviour and making excuses.

On the plus side you are spending time on reading and other activities - it's mainly the high tech gadgets and tv content that are at issue.

You need to change or you may end up wondering why she is totally off the rails as a teenager.

sorry, going back to your first post.
my child does this, smashes things violently for no apparent reason, it drives me wild.
it seems to be frustration more than ay thing, you know, if he cant do something with it, he will throw it or bash it.
i take the item off him and traditionally it "goes on top of the fridge" for 24 hours before he gets it back. this really works for us and always has. he hates having stuff taken off him.

he too is 4, perhaps this is just a normal 4 year old thing. i hope so and i think that as he learns to tell me what is bugging him, this will pass.
hth

In response to the Op,

Your DD should not have broken the toy. It should not be fixed and she has been given an appropriate punishment.

You have done the right thing to remove all of the electrical things from her room. My DDs (4 and 1) have the tv on most of the day but it is cbeebies or Nick Junior. we are just graduating to CBBC and Boomerang but I am sky+ the programs and vetting them first. I would not let her watch Torchwood.

She needs to learn how to express herself and watching a program with adult content will show her a violent method.

My DD stayed up last night with me and I painted her nails and we watched Britain's Got Talent. It was a major treat as DH is away. It is not the norm.

It sounds like things have spiralled out of control but you know what needs to be done to fix it. Above all be firm and cosnistent, and give her lots of cuddles.

OMG!This has to be a wind up! ?

If not, then I hope you are listening to what everyone is saying and taking it all in.

no i wasnt trying to justify i understand that i have been niave in thinking that all she has wouldnt affect her behavior as much as it has, and i am taking on board peoples comments and didnt really, untill now think that torchwood was so bad, and still dont tbh, but obv other ppl see something i dont.

i dont think it will be a problem stopping her watching that as it is not on tv right now and she doesnt seem to be missing it

what i was trying to do is point out that her whole life does not revolve around gadgets and some ppl seemed to think!

obv i understand that changes need making i wouldnt be asking for advise if i thought that everything i did was right!

i can see that i probably treat her as though she is a lot older than she is and that i need to change that and we had already decided to start a more regimented routine to manage her behavior before this incident happened, however this was put on hold when she fractured her gum a couple of days ago and needed a bit of tlc and cuddles rather than contsant stimulation

we did have set wake up times, meal times, and bed times before this but it was inbetween these times that we didnt

So you think its ok for a 4 year old to watch a programme with the word FUCK in it .

bit harsh sorry but this is really annoying me . Sorry . Anyway moving on . Look 4 is such a lovely ans sweet age let her be 4 and enjoy every minute of it . You wont get these years back again so make her a sweet four year old again and enjoy.

Kids grow up far too quick these days imho.

I went shopping for my 4 year old DD yesterday and was looking at the age 6-7 clothes as she is tall. A lot of it is so innappropriate.

No matter how "mature" you think your DD is, the fact of the matter is she is 4 years old, barely out of toddlerhood!!! She needs fresh air and good old fashioned imaginative play. She also needs boundaries and consistency to allow for her social, emotional and behavioral development. What she doesn't need is hugely overstimulating and inappropriate tv shows, every new gadget under the sun and fake wine with mummy. You youself said she only has a glass of it and often doesn't finish it. So she's obviously not enjoying it! Give her chocolate milkshake or something like that for a treat! You're her mother not her friend, you're there to guide and direct her appropriately for her age. If she was 14 I wouldn't be so riled up, but she's only 4 for goodness sake. All you're doing is skipping ten years of her childhood. A crime IMHO as childhood is short enough as it is.

i actually honestly had not noticed that the swearing in in that was to that extent but as i said in my last post she is not watching this atm as it is not on tv and i she wont be watching it when it does come back on!

i didnt come on to ask about what tv she should be watching or not watching, and yes i understand that tv does have an impact on her behavior, but torchwood is not on now and hasnt been on for weeks but she is still a brat, so this obv was not the only thing influencing her behavior! and icidentily swearing is one thing that she does not do!

i came on here for practical advise about managing her behavior and i am listening to what is being said on here

am off to cash point so wont be posting for a while but will be back on in a bit to see if there is anything else being suggested!

apart from torchwood of course, point taken, and she will not be watching it any more

What about the death by orgasm episode, or the one where the peadophile was killed by the little girl's fairies by suffocating him with flowers? Or the alien ripping out of the stomach, or the whole village of the dead that trapped the gang in that house, or or, god there are so many of them that are quite horror-like and violent in their content

Fair enough . But can I add Tracey Beaker to that list as well . LOL The years will pass soon enough enjoy them . Take her to the cash point with you and her dolly buggy as well .

sorry x-posts

Glad she won't be watching that again, but really hope some of the advice here is helpful with her behaviour, though sometimes four year olds do behave badly and smash things as just because they are four!

If I were you I would tell her that a few things are going to change and then change them. You've already had lots of great advice here, so won't repeat.
It might be difficult at first but will be worth putting up with a few tantrums for getting your 4 year old back.
My 9yr old not allowed to watch Torchwood! Please don't expose her to scary adult world yet.
Best of luck