am absolutley fuming.....but think i may have ott with punishment?

[micci25]

dd1 4 has always been the apple of every ones eye, or the golden child, of my family and is therefore v spoilt, but lately her behavior has been getting worse and worse.

today we were walking to her nan's where she has her sunday lunch and she was pushing her wooden dog toy along when all of a sudden she screamed and started smashing the toy up on the side of the road!

i asked why why she told me she hated the toy it was stupid and she is glad that she broke it!

as her punishment i told her we were going home she wouldnt be going to her nan's that day but that just seemed to make things worse!

she is not sorry at all for what she did to the toy or telling me she hated me, or slamming all the doors on her way back in the house

her punishment i have decided is that she has lost all priveledges, her tv, dvd, cd player have been taken out of bedroom and there is tv or access to laptop, ds and wii untill i believe she is suitably sorry!

when i went to check on her and see what she wanted for lunch she told me she smashed up her toy because she angry with it and she also angry with me!!!!

i know that this punishment sounds extreme but i have had it up to here with her behavior, she is constantly answering back and just blatently ignoring me, telling me she never gets anything and her cousin has loads of good toys and she gets nothing, she is prone to violence towards me, is constantly in a temper at something .... the list could go on..she is just generally ferral!!!!

i know my punishment seems a bit ott but really dont know what else to do her behavior needs to calm down before she hurts herself or some one else!

does any one have any suggestions or has had similar experiences with wild uncontrolable children?

micci
good post 21:18 - you go girl!

Thought I'd come and see how you are getting on. It seems she is responding well to new boundaries! Well done

she is only four,that will be why she doesn't appreciate it and to be honest my 4 year old dd wouldn't know what to do with a ds!.Why not buy some books if you haven't already got any and sit with her reading for an hour or two just the two of you i find that my dd absoloutley loves doing this.

we have loads of books we read every night she helps me read to dd2 then she can come down for her milk and gets read to then and after that she gets her bedtime story

yes she is responding well to new boundaries although she is having time out right now (in her own room) for slamming her dads wii remote down onto the babies box when he asked to get some baby wipes out of it, although by now she would have had many tantrums and this is the first of the day, some days this week we have even had none

I've been following this thread micci and i just want add that i think you're fab, not only for not involving yourself in some of the negativity on here but by taking all the good advice and implementing a great strategy which is getting real results. Sounds like your dd is going to be just fine

Well done,and i think you deserve a celebratory bottle of wine later on

micci25 on Thu 15-May-08 15:35:29
"yes that is why we are having her day more structured to ensure that some if her time is spent 'doing things' rather than just sat watching tv which she was never really keen on anyway, most of her time was spent diving all over the furniture!
...
giving her set times to do things does seem to be helping atm, although as i said before it is not set in stone that she has to do learning at 8-930am ect she does have the option to change things, as long as that time is spent doing something constructive with me, i.e. crafts, reading etc. "

I agree that you're amazing in being able to stick to the subject and pick out the relevant posts from among all the background noise.

Not wishing to rehash old ground, particularly as you have answered previous posts about electronic gadgets etc.

Once thing I haven't quite got from your posts is, does she get sufficient time to just potter about and inventing her own games. Does she get time messing about in the garden/park etc? Time when she does not have access to eletronics but is also not expected to do anything that grown-ups perceive as "worthwhile". Do you worry about her getting bored?
(from the point of child development, mooching around in the backyard poking the dust and singing incomprehensible rhymes to a manky teddy bear is a perfectly worthwhile learning activity).

And are you ok with the thought that, however perfectly one brings them up, most 4year-olds are going to have meltdowns from time to time. It is not in itself a sign of ADHD, nor should the parents of NT children necessarily keep modifying their ways to avoid meltdowns- some of them need to happen. It's not scary.

It may of course be that she has ADHD issues and will need help. But in the meantime, things seem to be going in the right direction.

Yep, agree with all the people saying how fab you are, Micci. You appear to have bucketloads of what is a really rare commodity these days- dignity.

thank you lizzer things are improving i had already decided to implement a better routine before i came on here as i thought that may help but i didnt realise that all the things she has has affected her so much untill i came on here and will be making her well aware now that if she gets these back it is because she is lucky to have them and not because she has a god given right to get everything she wants. (see how i said if? this depoends obviously on wether her behavior is improving and usage will be limited)

can also see that i need to speak to her gp's about her behavior and the way she seems to favourite over dd2 and my niece and nephew, and they way they let her get away with murder and undermine me in front of her as i dont think that this will help her behavior much.

taking a little of her control away from her seems to have made her realise that she is not in charge in this house although she did run straight to me when dp tried to put her into time out i did not give in this time.

i think dd1 may have got a little confused along the way because me and dp dont always see eye to eye on dicsipline but we have realised that we are doing dd1 no favours and that the issues we do have need to be discussed after the event when she is not around

oh and as for the bottle of wine my sister wants to have a wii fit party later on, which i will making sure is well after dd1 is in bed!

yes cory she does there is lots of free time in her routine where she is encouraged to play with her toys rather than tv and when her cousins come around now tv is banned so they will play together and play make believe we go to park every sat if weather allowing but we are going today too as i have a full loaf of bread that needs using as it is going off soon so we will be feeding it to the ducks.

yes i realise that all kids have major tantrums but dd1 seemed to be having about 6 of them every day over tiny little things such as she couldnt get the lid off something etc.

i think i just got to a point where i felt like i was losing control but we seem to have things sorted (or we are getting there at least)

Well done micci,

1 tantrum a day is fab ( and bearable ) really pleased you're having a good week

Sanity (well maybe an exageration ) in your home and control of your thread

When are you thinking of talking to gp it may be helpful to highlight to them the methods you are using to improve behaviour and have their assurances that they will not undermine you before you visit this weekend? They should also be prepared to be "the bad guys" if unwanted behaviours are exhibited when you are not around..... Good luck that's probably not going to be an easy conversation..... espicialy with all the support they have given.

i have already spoke to my nan (last week when she was not allowed to go there) who agrees that dd1's behavior has been getting out of control and we do need to do something to improve it and i ma sure that she will support me on this, my mum is due to go into hospital next week so wont be able to see dd1 so much anyway and i feel it would better to wait untill she has recovered before i tackle this subject with her as i know she is concerned about her operation and how she will cope afterwards.

hopefully dd1's behavior should have improved much more by then as it will take her six weeks to fully recover and she will be in hospital for one week so she may not have to be the 'bad guy' so much.

sounds like you have a loving and close-knit family micci- it's just a question of getting them all singing from the same hymn sheet and recognising you and dp as the parents...

Have you ever considered emigrating?

IAM NOT MICCI25 TRIED TO REGISTER COULDNT do these people who are slating my sis for her perenting skills know that the wooden dog was dd1's fav toy until she smashed it up and then decided she hated it. i personally think that letting her have a tv and radio and ds isnt teadching her bad habits although taking these things off her is letting her know she has been more badly behaved and she is privlaged for what she has so needs to appreciate this. sooze

If you had read the whole thread, Miccissister, you would realise that it has changed tone and Micci is not now being slated but that there is a general tone of approval in the later messages.

Cool. Def a wind up.

How bizarre