If you found out that your child had said this to an adult, how would you react?

[sandyballs]

A friend's DD stayed the night on Fri and was generally well behaved, if a bit moany and moody. Sat morning my DH was telling one of my girls off about something and this child said very loudly 'God, he goes on and on doesn't he', then followed this up with 'Will someone please shut him up'. She is 7. I was stunned and told her that this was unacceptable in our house, she cried and locked herself in the bathroom.

When I dropped her home I mentioned it to to her mum who didn't seem particularly bothered, she made light of it, saying that she probably didn't mean it as I interpreted it .

Just curious to see what the general view on MN is.

Oh fgs. You lot are so priggish. All this discipline is giving me a headache.

It was ungracious to make a big deal of it. Children make mistakes, they are rude and inappropriate and cheeky and naughty and are experimenting and making mistakes a lot of the time.

I really wouldn't want to know if mine had said this to someone's parent. If they dealt with it at the time, it really doesn't need to be all spelt out in my kitchen again, all that mock outrage and smug 'I think you ought to know.'

Tsk

i'd have no qualms about someone telling my child off if it was unacceptable to them. I'm all for ds2 and ds3 learning that others have different 'standards' for want of a better word. It's just not the sort of thing I'd get remotely bothered about myself- if a playdate said it to me I;d find it quite funny. But I'm not really big on 'demanding respect'.

I like my friend's (autistic) dd. When I go round to visit she rushes out looks me up and down and on a good day says 'oh' before going back to the computer/TV and on a bad day says 'oh no its yurt I don't like her'. Which makes me PMSL (and I say something along the lines of 'tough' whilst trying not to laugh).

That's about all I can manage.

to onehundredtimes

oh 100X I so agree with you.

THis thread reminds me of Charlotte Moore writing in "george and Sam' about attending a parenting class and slowly realising that all the 'bad' behaviour being discussed was regarded as medium to good behaviour in her house.

Lol

I would want to know-I would hate to think that my DCs would be rude and nothing was said. Unfortunately I think it was the mother's fault more than the girls, she is obviously allowed to say whatever she likes at home and for her own good needs to have it pointed out to her that it is not acceptable.

I would be really cross if my dd was so rude to behave like that at my own house, never mind someone else's so I would not mind another mother (who was in charge of her at the time) telling her off.

When I was little there is no way I would have behaved like that, my mother had a very gentle approach with teaching us manners (unlike my harder ways )and never in a million years would I of had the cheek to speak like that in front of an adult. In fact like most children with good parenting you are on your best behavior when at someone else's house.

That little girl obviously has no respect and is probably allowed to get away with that behavior at home.

I have a 7year old dd1 who can be like the child in the OP, but generally at home, never when out and about, she does get reprimanded for it at home, sometimes she cries about it (generally when she is tired/emotional) other times its in one ear and out the other. if she had done anything like the child in the OP then yes i would've expected her to be told its not acceptable, and if she cried, well so what. she cries a lot. she is a higjly strung sensitive child who cries a fair bit sometimes, and even for no reason at all. i would want to be told as well, and if dd1 had carried on being rude. she woud;'ve been sent to her room until i had finished speaking to the OP about it. then we would;ve had a chat about acceptable behaviour when out, and how sometimes things dont come out right when you say them.

basically dd1 is the same as i was as a child. i remember being upset by being rude once, and made sure i didnt do it again.

7 is an awkward age, i have found it worse than the 'terrible twos' and am dreading teenage years.

Really, some of you have very much forgotten what it's like to be children. Or perhaps you never were.

100x, your DS2 is wise.

Oh I do like that book Yurt.

Come on Elph, close your shocked mouth and grin a bit instead. The world hasn't stopped moving - she was rude. The OP should have said 'Ahem, that's a bit cheeky!' and then moved on and left it behind.

What were they doing with the wretched marbles anyway?

hunker I agree as well. 7 is very young, they're still tiny at 7 (and yes they can learn- but by making mistakes surely?)

I must re-read.....

(yurt I need to speak to you will bump thread in sn)

When we have children over for sleepovers dh and I are very careful of our behaviour, we don't want to get reported back as being horrid old naggers

Rudeness is unacceptable whether you are an adult or a child. I wouldn't be rude to my DCs and therefore I don't accept it from them. I have always led by example. I can remember very well being a child and I wouldn't have dreamt of making a comment like that to a friend's parent!

Wish I was so perfect

I was far too shy to say boo to a goose! I'd never have done this as a child. Even if I had friends to have a sleepover with

I could see DS doing this though! He has told others to "shush" or "shut up" before now - hand action and everything

It isn't being perfect merely to be polite to others!!

I actually think that it's more of an indictment on today's society that people think it's appropriate to keep on about something a 7yo has done for hours after she's done it.

No wonder she reacted like she did when you started telling her mum in front of her!

I feel compelled to say that I have two very polite children, btw...

Gosh vvv, children just don't know their place today do they

AbbeyA, its your "I have always led by example" bit

Guess your child/ren are still v. young?

DS2 is very wise! I made him go to a party when he was 7 which he didn't want to go to. He doesn't like parties and finds them too noisy and 'flashing' as he has some sensory integration problems.

Anywaaaay, I decided he had to go because I wanted him to because I wanted him to have a nice time with his friends. Ahem.

He went. He sat in the corner. He - apparently - very politely declined all offers of food, games, invitations to join in. At the end I picked him up, the mother offered him a party bag, and he refused it.

I was cross with him. I insisted he write the mother a letter of apology. He did it said 'I am sorry I was rude about the party bag. It was nice of you to offer it to me, I didn't want it because I didn't want to go to the party. So I didn't go to the party, and I couldn't take the party bag. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.'

That told me. He was rude, but he was also right.

That was meant to be relevant to this discussion, but I don't know if it is actually!

Blimey, can't believe the responses to this. I was only curious as to how others would have responded in a similar situation.

There is a bit more history to this girl really, she has been very rude on many occasions to lots of adults in our ante natal group who are all losing patience with her and not wanting her to hang around their own kids too much these days, which is fair enough IMO.

At the time of these comments Dh wasn't going on and on. DD was chucking marbles around our lounge, they were bouncing off the windows, the vases, the tv screen, I'm amazed nothing was broken. She's 7, she knows that is a stupid thing to do indoors. DH removed the marbles and told her she was being silly. It was a short chat, but our guest dived in with these rude comments. I've thought about what some of you have said about embarrassment etc but I don't think the situation was long enough for that reaction.

I just can't imagine any other children that we know making comments like that. And the continued comments at home about a rubbish sleepover, it's just all odd and rude and needs addressing. We've known her since birth - ante natal group - but she seems to be getting worse very time we meet.

I love kids, I think I do understand them, but I've never met one that is quite like this. She never seems very happy, everything is wrong, it's hard to explain, but there seems to be no 7 year old joy and exuberance. Just moaning and rudeness .

Someone asked earlier about her home life. We're very friendly with her parents - go out for meals without kids etc - which makes this more difficult IMO. I think she has been treated in a very adult way - she's an only child (don't blast me for saying this!), but i think possibly they have a lot more focus on them, two adults, one child, its obvious really. They adore her, which is great, but maybe too much to discipline her much or impose any boundaries.

I do feel I was right telling her mum, I would want to know. It's not a case of prolonging things, just filling her in on what her kid has been up to. But perhaps with hindsight it would have been better out of earshot.