If you found out that your child had said this to an adult, how would you react?

[sandyballs]

A friend's DD stayed the night on Fri and was generally well behaved, if a bit moany and moody. Sat morning my DH was telling one of my girls off about something and this child said very loudly 'God, he goes on and on doesn't he', then followed this up with 'Will someone please shut him up'. She is 7. I was stunned and told her that this was unacceptable in our house, she cried and locked herself in the bathroom.

When I dropped her home I mentioned it to to her mum who didn't seem particularly bothered, she made light of it, saying that she probably didn't mean it as I interpreted it .

Just curious to see what the general view on MN is.

I would also be much more worried about the comments made at the dropping off, than at the original comment, which could have been a mistaken attempt at humour. The comments made at the drop-off were definitely rude, and a 7 year old should know that sort of comment is unacceptable. If my child had made those sort of comments, I would have apologised to the other mum, and had words with my child later, and made sure he came up with an apology (either verbal or written).

captainmummy -- without being there and knowing the child it's very hard to say why she behaved that way. It was rude, and she should be picked up on it, but that wasn't the original question. And the fact that the girl's mother didn't immediately tear her off a strip in front of sandyballs doesn't mean that she ignored the behaviour (doesn't mean she didn't ignore it either, of course, but unless any of us are psychic we're not really in a position to know).

You did absolutely the right thing.

I agree with several other posters that more collective responsibility for parenting would be a good thing. Some children have absolutely no innate respect for adults (clearly this girl among them) and this soon shows up at school. My neice, a secondary school teacher, has suffered some shocking rudeness and verbal abuse at the hands of older children who have learnt the "no-one can tell you what to do" attitude from their parents. A careful rebuke from an adult earlier in their lives might just have helped. Sadly, my neice has left teaching because of the atrocious behaviour of so many of the pupils.

bobbysmum07 on Mon 18-Feb-08 19:18:08
"It's utterly depressing that more than half the posts on here are defending, condoning and making excuses for the atrocious behaviour described in the OP. No prizes for guessing how your kids carry on then.

Do you all go marching into school everytime a teacher raises their voice? I bet you do.

It's no wonder the world is in such a sorry fucked up state."

Explaining how a misunderstanding might have arisen is not the same as condoning it, bobbysmum. Remember most of us have been commenting on the initial banter, not the later remark about the rubbish sleepover. That was rude (and obviously the result of the girl feeling very ashamed of herself and reacting by getting angry).

Also- if my dd had made the first mistake, I'd have been down on her like a ton of bricks. With my children, I know they know my rules and have a certain maturity. And that it is my responsibility to make them behave.

That does not mean I have to behave exactly the same way towards other people's children who visit my house. In fact, I have always been keen to teach my children that they must behave extra well towards a guest. Also that they must behave extra well when they are a guest. It just seems natural to me to spend more time making my own children behave than worrying about other people's children. And I have never had a complaint about my children's behaviour either from school or from hosts. So the need for marching into school has never arisen

Agree with Cory. Also although I cannot get worked up about this sort of thing (as I said I would correct in my own children in a slightly stern but matter of fact way) ds2 (whose the only one old enough/sane enough to go to other people's houses) is always being complimented on his behaviour. Last time he went to someone's house I asked if he'd behaved and was told 'of course he's always does doesn't he?' And he does, especially if he's away from the rest of the family.

Perhaps there's more than one way to raise polite, well adjusted children?And as the OP described the girl as 'genera;y well behaved' I would assume she had a one off dodgy moment and really not get worked up about it.

I think it's bonkers to assert that only parents should discipline their children - especially if what we're talking about is a mild verbal rebuke, not 20 years in Siberia . What about teachers, police etc? There are times when we are not around to discipline our children (e.g. sleepovers) and we rely on other adults to do this for us.

I think the OP dealt with the incident in an exemplary way - the few words she said were enough to make the child ashamed for what she'd said, and so she should be!

And fwiw, even if she didn't swear, I think she was extremely rude and I wouldn't have hesitated to pull her up on it either. Most people can remember being seven years old - I can and I would never have spoken to a friend's parent in this way - apart from getting mysef into trouble, it would have been mortifying to have been considered so rude! If this child hasn't realised this already then the OP have done her a great favour - I bet she is more polite the next time she goes on a sleepover

Gawd almighty. She may well be "just repeating something she's heard somewhere", and she may well "not have meant it in that way" but if nobody tells her it's wrong, how's she supposed to know? She's a child - and frankly her mum's not much better.

OMG sorry but if my dss or ds said this kind of thing I would expect the adult in charge to tell them off. Dss is now 14 and we have him every weekend. He has had sleepovers regularly with us and I have personally told several of his friends that things are not acceptable/done like that in our house. It is our house and our rules. As long as it is done in a calm and sensitive way then no problem. Just as I have had ds (3) stay with friends that have children the same age and have known him since he was born and would expect him to go by the rules of their house and vice versa when they come over to ours. This Im afraid is just another symptom of the whole "no one can tell somebody else's child off" thing, I think there was a thread on this a while back. No one trusts anyone anymore. Shame I say.

Who has said that nobody should tell her it's wrong?

I was wondering that PortAndLemon.

IF anyone's child had said that to my DS' Dad, who can bore for Britain, I would have laughed and brushed it off. It's not like the kid said, 'shut up fucknuts', after all. If an adult had told a longwinded man to put a sock in it, would you have expected the adult to be reprimaned till they cried?

Agree with WWW, Enid, 100x and Harpsi.

And some of you really don't remember being children At All, do you?

At ds2's party I thought a classmate was saying 'grown ups are bastards' she was actually saying 'grown up are in charge' or something similar.

PMSL @ shutup fucknuts

Harpsi - I'm a naturally kind person, of course so it's actually A Good Thing

I'm no hard taskmaster or anything like. But, I feel it fair that my children are respected as much as any other, and so the rules apply to all. When I say rules, it makes it sound harsh, but I really dont think I am.

I seem to be a bit of a child magnet so I can't be that bad

P.S. I'm pretty sure Bobbysmum07 is a troll

Agree with www

This wouldn't even register on my things to tell children off about radar

If my child said that to another parent I'd be livid. 'Will someone please shut him up'?? Are you kidding me?

I cannot stand cheek and disrespect for adults.

If the child cried because she was told it was unacceptable then, good, hopefully she got the message.

Took ds1 to a party today and was quite shocked at how some children (aged 6-7) spoke to the hosts - actually felt quite proud of my own children. They can drive me a bit nuts but they would never speak to an adult the way some of their friends did.

Maybe she doesn't like a lot of noise in the morning

Only read OP and couple of messages. Agree 100% with what you did. She sounds like she needed telling. Cheeky little sod. I would expect another parent to tell my DS off if he spoke like that....having said that, I desperately hope I bring my DS up NEVER to speak to an adult like that!!

I discussed this with ds2 (8).

He said 'Sometimes you don't know how to behave in other people's houses. You can get excited, like X did when he was here. He went nuts didn't he?'

'Yes, he did'

'She was rude though wasn't she? That is really rude. Did he go on too much? What were they doing with the marbles?Anyway, she SO should have left it at the park, it should have been forgotten about then.'

DS2 is very keen on establishing at exactly WHAT point we are going to leave it behind. He has a good point I think. You SO SHOULD have left it.

Agree with your DS2 100x

Am I weird in liking other children being cheeky to me? I always like the 'naughty' ones.

I would have found the girl's original comments funny tbh - especially if dh had been going on a bit - he would have found it funny too (would have been a bit mortified about the worse sleepover ones unless I thought she was really irritating in which case I would have been glad).

JUst waded through this whole thread. It's the "DD was chucking marbles around" that fascinated me. To me that is not something to "go on" about, it's a case of marbles on top of wardrobe, not to be seen again for at least a week.

I've missed the marbles post - what happened to the marbles? I'll re-read. Although my hunch is that I'm like choccypig if an object is causing a problem (ds1's light this evening). I remove it after 2, or 3 at the most warnings.

All the sleepovers my dd has been to, they basically don't get much sleep, maybe she was tired?

I disagree. If it was my child I'd want to know that they had been rude to an adult.

OTOH, I've watched parents let all sorts of behaviour and language from their children pass by without comment - behaviour that would be unacceptable to me -
so perhaps this girl's mother would rather not know or just doesn't care.

How sad.