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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

If you found out that your child had said this to an adult, how would you react?

283 replies

sandyballs · 18/02/2008 15:49

A friend's DD stayed the night on Fri and was generally well behaved, if a bit moany and moody. Sat morning my DH was telling one of my girls off about something and this child said very loudly 'God, he goes on and on doesn't he', then followed this up with 'Will someone please shut him up'. She is 7. I was stunned and told her that this was unacceptable in our house, she cried and locked herself in the bathroom.

When I dropped her home I mentioned it to to her mum who didn't seem particularly bothered, she made light of it, saying that she probably didn't mean it as I interpreted it .

Just curious to see what the general view on MN is.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Twiglett · 18/02/2008 16:03

must admit that I read that she locked herself in the bathroom and cried and thought 'what a manipulative little madam'

she was rude, you were right to pull her up on it .. if one of my children did it, I'd be embarrassed in front of you and absolutely lambast him for it

fartmeistergeneral · 18/02/2008 16:04

Some children can turn on the waterworks at the drop of a hat to suit their needs.

collision · 18/02/2008 16:04

...and maybe the 7 year old didnt think she was being particularly rude.

I would be a bit cross that she had cried and been upset and I would have said to her that there are things children shouldnt say to grownups but I dont think that what she said was the worst thing in the world.

She is only repeating what she has heard.

hecate · 18/02/2008 16:05

I would want no expect -- that if my child was in your care, that you would discipline them if needed (according to my own methods I mean, so no hitting ). I don't actually agree that nobody but the parent should ever correct a child. I think all adults should participate in the raising of our children and it was a better country when we all felt some level of responsibility for youngsters.

margoandjerry · 18/02/2008 16:05

She should bloody cry. Talking to an adult like that.

And that some people have reacted to that. Good grief. A child shows serious cheek to an adult and you're not allowed to do anything about it in case child cries at being told off??? [depressed emoticon]

twospecialgirls · 18/02/2008 16:07

then i possibly agree with your dh i would rather you brought my dd home for me to deal with rather than you disipline her that would have taught her a lesson and also your girls taht being rude is unacceptable and that there are concequences fro actions !! ie no more fun !!! she should have respect in your home but i would still be mad if she cried !! cant help it !!

fartmeistergeneral · 18/02/2008 16:08

It's not the worst thing she could have said, no, but it was still incredibly rude and she should have been told as much.

Ooooh, didn't know nutella was a balanced breakfast!! Hurrah!

hecate · 18/02/2008 16:08

Really Collision (and others) ? I think that a child saying to an adult "God, he goes on and on doesn't he? Will someone please shut him up" is astonishingly rude. I'd be livid if my kids said something like that!

WigWamBam · 18/02/2008 16:08

I have an almost-7-year-old daughter, and knowing that it doesn't take much to make the tears start I wouldn't have been the slightest bit peed off that you'd "made" her cry.

Her behaviour was not acceptable to you, and you told her so. Nothing wrong with that, imo - I would have done exactly the same as you.

She has probably told her mother all kinds of stories about what happened, though ... which the mother will probably believe.

margoandjerry · 18/02/2008 16:09

Nobody likes being told off. Being told off makes you feel sad. If you feel sad because you have done something wrong you might cry. That is the whole point.

ravenAK · 18/02/2008 16:10

I'd be making her write a note of apology.

Of course, you don't know what she's said to her mum - maybe it's being presented that you shouted at her or something.

If the mum's ignoring texts all you can do is leave her to it, really. If she's got any sense she'll get in touch when she's ready to check what actually happened...

fartmeistergeneral · 18/02/2008 16:10

And she would also have been embarrassed at being told off in front of her friends (ie your children), so she had to react in some way - dramatically as it turned out. I'm sure she's not emotionally scarred.

Wisteria · 18/02/2008 16:10

...but she wasn't disciplined - she was just told it was unacceptable behaviour in the OP's house, which it is - I can't see how this was disciplining to be honest.

My children would have been disciplined as soon as they got home and I would be pleased that the OP had told the child it was wrong straightaway.

Twiglett · 18/02/2008 16:12

sheesh at being mad because someone makes a 7 year old turn on the waterworks .. just general sheesh!

EiWishFor3MoreWishes · 18/02/2008 16:12

i would be mortified if it were my DD and she would definitely not get away with it i always try and see that my DD is using manners (she is 2.2yo) and up to now she always says please and thankyou i would be so embarrassed to find out that she had spoken to someone like this esp when on a sleepover
xx ei xx

EffiePerine · 18/02/2008 16:13

I thin you dealt with it very well indeed . If I had talked like that to another adult at 7 all sleepovers would have been banned for years. Just not acceptable.

hecate · 18/02/2008 16:13

I think that being corrected verbally is a form of discipline. Different from being disciplined with a punishment. All part of being kept in line!

Lazycow · 18/02/2008 16:14

Rather a lot of conflicting views here

The child said something she shouldn't have and clearly knew she shouldn't because she burst into tears on being corrected.

I don't see this as 'manuipulative' or as evidence that her mother hasn't taught her otherwise. I see it as evidence of a child who has made a mistake/done something she shouldn't have and realises it.

As for the mother avoiding you, she is probably embarrased as she knows that she (and her parenting) is being judged. Most of this thread shows just how true that is.

For the OP - As to 'making her cry'. I would not be upset with you about that at all, assuming you did't shout and go mad at her (which as you say you didn't). I'd just be embarrassed at her behaviour.

WideWebWitch · 18/02/2008 16:15

She's only 7, I think she was repeating something she said, I bet she's heard someone say it and other people laugh.

I think everyone's being a bit dramatic about it, she didn't call him a fucker or anything

Lazycow · 18/02/2008 16:16

lol WW

welshdeb · 18/02/2008 16:17

I dont think that telling her that what she said was rude or unacceptable is akin to disciplining them. Its merely pointing out that its wrong. If this child over reacts then thats not your problem, although I would be a bit shocked.

If I had a friend of my dc and they were rude to me or my dh in my home I would say so to them, and if I wasn't happy I would ask myself if I would be happy having them in my home again.

If it were any of my children I would be mortified and at the very least I would make sure they apologised.

Far too many parents take the view that if another adult tells a child what they are doing is wrong, naughty, dangerous etc its the adult thats in the wrong.

In the end its the child's loss if they arent

twospecialgirls · 18/02/2008 16:17

WWW - i kind agree thinking about it i shout to dh about dd2 'please can you shut her up' and dd1 hears so maybe the girl has heard something like that and thought its ok to say doesnt make her parents bad parents

LittleBella · 18/02/2008 16:18

God I hope those of you who think the OP was out of order to reprimand the child for this behaviour don't send your children to other people's houses.

The idea that she should drop everything and take the child home to be reprimanded by her own parents is a little um... demanding, no? They were in the middle of breakfast FGS! Have playdates really become this much work?

Lazycow · 18/02/2008 16:19

Would people her really ban another child visiting based on one incident as posted by the OP?

Desiderata · 18/02/2008 16:19

Yes, she was astoundingly rude and deserved to be reprimanded. I can't see that you've anything to reproach yourself for, sandy.

I doubt that she will ever speak to another adult like that again. Seven is a pivotal age for learning hard lessons.

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