If you found out that your child had said this to an adult, how would you react?

[sandyballs]

A friend's DD stayed the night on Fri and was generally well behaved, if a bit moany and moody. Sat morning my DH was telling one of my girls off about something and this child said very loudly 'God, he goes on and on doesn't he', then followed this up with 'Will someone please shut him up'. She is 7. I was stunned and told her that this was unacceptable in our house, she cried and locked herself in the bathroom.

When I dropped her home I mentioned it to to her mum who didn't seem particularly bothered, she made light of it, saying that she probably didn't mean it as I interpreted it .

Just curious to see what the general view on MN is.

Dull to be polite and treat each other with respect? Hmmmmmmmm!

Sandyballs, from the additional info you've given in your later posts I would say the child in question is definitely very similar to the child I know and I think you did exactly the right thing.

Her parents may be in denial about how unacceptable her behaviour is - perhaps they needed a wake-up call. The child I know now gets left out of birthday parties, sleepovers, etc because other families just won't put up with her behaviour. It is not due to her age either - the child I know is a bit older and it hasn't improved with age - I heard her using the "F" word to her mother lately (and her parents and peers wouldn't use that sort of language).

For those of you who think the child was just being funny, etc, I don't think you can have encountered a child like this in RL

Being polite isn't dull!
I get amazed on TV programmes where DCs are swearing at parents and parents are swearing back. I couldn't stand to live in that atmosphere, it would make me ill.

Blimey, is this still going?

Er there was no suggestion that the child in question was swearing at parents and parents were swearing back. My point was that a misjudged attempt at a joke was being interpreted as lacking in respect, terrible child blah de blah de blah, rotten to the core, no wonder society is crumbling. So I made my own sweeping generalisation.

Let's not forget that the fist thing we heard about this child is that she 'generally well behaved'.

She wasn't swearing, but it is common, and it is helpful to any child, who is allowed to get away with rude behaviour at home, to know that it is not acceptable in other places. If they don't get this message they become the child no one wants to invite to sleepovers etc. My youngest DS had one friend that we refused to have at his birthday parties (after the first time)simply because he spoiled it for everyone by his poor behaviour.

There are those that think saying "God" as in God, he goes on and on, doesn't he??" is swearing. Are people REALLY saying that they think it's OK for a child to say"God he goes on and on doesn't he?" and "Will someone please shut him up" about someone?

I think it is time I left this thread-can't believe there are 11 pages of it!!
You handled it very sensibly, sandyballs-and that is my last word on the subject!!

This is getting ridiculous now. Yes I would pick my child up for talking like this, no I wouldn't think that it was the worst thing in the world for them to do, if a 7 year old said it to me I would think they were a bit cheeky but I'd probably also quite like them and their social faux pas (although if they said 'fuck of you bitch' I would think that was small step too far). I would automatically assume that a child who said this was on a fast track to deliquency (spelling?) nor would I think that a parent who didn't immediately ground a child for a month for saying this was a bad parent.

I personally would pick ds2 and ds3 up for speaking like this, but not in a heavy handed way at all- and ds2 (ds3 only 3) seems to be growing up to be a polite little boy. Certainly he's invited to friend's houses lot and I get a lot of comments on how well behaved he is both at school and when he visits friends. I suspect there's more than one way of raising a polite, well rounded child. (Now there's a novel idea).

(can confirm that Yurt1 is a very polite person! And her offspring. And her DH, but one assumes he came that way! )

Blimey is this still going on , and on and on .

I think, like many posts on MN, it's very difficult to get the whole picture from a few paragraphs. As I've said before this isn't the first time she's been like this, there have been many many other occasions and she's alienating herself from others socially because of it, as someone said earlier about a girl they know.

Anyway, I'll leave it there, didn't expect it to turn into this big debate to be honset, it was just a curious question as to what you all would have done in similar circumstances.

And MB's children are very polite and lovely too......

DS1 isn't very polite. He sniffs people's bottoms- which last time I checked wasn't socially acceptable. I tell him not to, but I don't tell him off, and (shock horror) neither ds2 or ds3 has ever sniffed a bottom in their life.

DH was brought up by Victorian Mum although her 'importance of etiquette' has not passed onto him

So watch your bottom when we next meet MB

I would be horrified if my son said thiat to an adult. How disrespectful. Kind of makes me worry where she's picked it up from. Very rude- I wouldn't tolerate it. If you told her clamly and didn't scream at her then you handled it fine. So what if she cried? She obviously isn't used to having her behaviour and attitude corrected. Not your problem, don't worry about making her cry. Perhaps she will think twice before saying things like that again!

I know I said I'd leave it there , but can I just reiterate - I wasn't heavy handed in the slightest, I didn't belittle her, I didn't shout. I just quietly pointed out that she was being rude and it was unacceptable in our house. End of, that was it, apart from crying in the bathroom etc. when she came out I went out of my way to jolly everyone up and make things fun again, as someone said earlier, a sleepover is meant to be fun, I know that, but surely not at the expense of basic manners, even if it was unintentional on her part. If that makes us dull, then so be it .

I disagree, I don't think your ds1 is impolite at all.

Impoliteness involves knowingly being rude, I think.

Anyway the sniffing thing is old hat to us, ds still sniff us all at nighttime1

and anyway what about my ds's conspicuous lack of tact!???? LOLOLOL

Doesn't make you dull, just cos you have manners!

actually sandyballs I don't think you did anything particularly wrong (although I probably wouldn't have mentioned it to the mother nor would I have expected the mother to tell her off) I just don't think it was quite the indication of moral decline that other posters seem to think.

I suppose that in talking about bottom sniffing MB has summed it up "impoliteness involves being knowingly rude'. I don't think that this little girl knew she was being rude. She was trying to be funny and misjudged it. The crying shows she feels social shame etc. She is only 7 after all. I suppose the question that seems to be being played out here is whether a 'nice girl' could say this sort of thing at 7 and still be nice. Actually I think they can. Just like my almost 9 year ds1 can bottom sniff and still be nice.

I didn't say having manners makes you dull. I said life sounds really dull in some houses.

I agree with telling her that it was unacceptable in a low key way. But I don't think I would have gone through it with the mother.

The last sleepover we had I made DD's firend cry by saying that it was time to stop playing and go to bed. But she is only 4 (doubt a 7yo would have cried at that probably more likely to argue) and I could hardly let her stay up all night.

lol at this thread

I think she is only 7 and 7 yos do say things that embarass their parents.

I ALSO think that the mother is in a very difficult situation, she was not there, she doesn't know what has actually happened. I wouldn't want to think that my word would always be taken over a child's in this situation, if not only because different people interpret the situation differently.

Don't think its necessarily that she's hearing this at home. Could have got it off tv and trying to be cool.

I can't QUITE work out why this is a big deal. If one of my dc's guests said that-I think we'd all just laugh, tbh. Or at the least ignore it and just continue with the conversation between the dp and his daughter.

Do you know what? I am staggered at the amount of people on this thread who have made the most sweeping assumptions about the type of child this sleepover guest is, complete with the direst predictions about her future personality, all on the basis of one not particularly shocking incident.
Haven't seen such a display of po-faced smuggery for ages, even on MN!

that's what I was trying to say Rosa, but you've been far more concise than me.

was thinking about this last night (get a life) as we had friend for sleepover

dh wouldnt tell dd off in front of her friend at all unless she was being utterly vile and oddly badly behaved