If you found out that your child had said this to an adult, how would you react?

[sandyballs]

A friend's DD stayed the night on Fri and was generally well behaved, if a bit moany and moody. Sat morning my DH was telling one of my girls off about something and this child said very loudly 'God, he goes on and on doesn't he', then followed this up with 'Will someone please shut him up'. She is 7. I was stunned and told her that this was unacceptable in our house, she cried and locked herself in the bathroom.

When I dropped her home I mentioned it to to her mum who didn't seem particularly bothered, she made light of it, saying that she probably didn't mean it as I interpreted it .

Just curious to see what the general view on MN is.

Children are different when they come for sleep overs too. Some of them put on 'airs' or faux-confidence because they are trying to cope with being with another family.

I think it's a bit of an over-reaction. I feel quite sorry for her - and then compounding it by going over it AGAIN with her mother so she said it was the 'worst sleep over' of her life.

I don't think I'd have reacted as you did. I'd have said 'That's a bit cheeky isnt it?' and frowned at her at the time and left it.

I mean she was rude, because she made a very ill-judged statement. But children at 7 DO make very ill-judged statements, a lot of the time.

applauds 100times - the voice of reason.

I think that you did the right thing sandyballs, it was unacceptable and you told her so calmly. The problem is that she is obviously allowed to get away with being so rude at home.Her parents are doing her no favours by allowing her to be so rude, so it is just tough if she cried,it needed pointing out to her before she gets any older. I have never let my DSs speak to me like that and I have never spoken to them like it, and thankfully they are always polite when they go to someone else's house.

I would also very much like to know what the OP's DH was actually doing when this remark was made. I know when my DH gets irked at one of the children he can go on and on long after he should have sufficiently made his point, and it is rather tempting to tell him to put a sock in it.

I think it sounds as though she has picked up the comments from those god awful disney/nickelodean programs about precocious, obnoxious children. Of course in Drake and Josh/Hannah Montana/Two of a kind such behaviour is always met with a laugh reel and everyone fawning over said brat child.
However she probably did need to be told off otherwise she would continue to behave in such a manner. She'll have learnt her lesson and hopefully won't make a similar mistake. Mum is being unreasonable IMO, if it was me I'd be terribly apologetic and would discipline my child afterwards in my own manner.

Rosa - sandy told us what her dh was mad about and was justified in this instance!

I can just imagine my own dds listening to an argument in another house. They would be cowering in a corner and would be far too scared to say anything let alone be cheeky!

I replied from the end of page 1- I didn't realise there were 5 pages! You did the right thing telling the mother, if it was my DC I would want to know-I would be mortified and definitely extract an apology.

I'm with you, sandyballs.

So for those that wer annoyed the op made this little girl cry and who thought she shouldn't have said anything to the mother, how would you feel if your child came home from a sleepover and told you they had been told off and had cried and the parent of the other child hadn't said anything about it?

I think the child needed to be told that what she had said wasn't very nice. Some children do turn on the waterworks at the drop of a hat, so imo the crying wasn't necessarily because of how she had been told off but because that's the way she responds when being told off. And I think the mother needed to be told because if op hadn't mentioned it to the mother and the child had, the mother might not have appreciated not being told, iyswim?

Wheresthehamster - I must be going mad, I have been through the thread twice and can't find that post.

Message withdrawn

Rosa -- Mon 18-Feb-08 16:40:28

Thank you PortandLemon - could you order it it in the turquoise or failing that jade green. Size 14.

I'd've treated any child in my care the same way I would my own. I'd tell them that what they had said was rude, and that in our house we all try to be kind and polite to each other. I might even suggest that an apology might be required, depending on what had been said, and in what context. (Then snigger quietly in private about a child saying that about my DH )

If that had made the child cry - so be it. My rules in my house - everyone follows them. If the child didnt like it, she'd not come again. Fine by me.

this is very interesting.
my dd isn't at this stage yet (she's nearly 5) but I have found my nieces and nephews sometimes "letting off steam" away from the family and saying some things that might be construed as rude.
I would absolutely, positively not have mentioned what she has said to her mother. I don't really undrstand the purpose of the OP in doing that tbh, other than to make the other mother feel bad and/or to drag up something long since dealt with.
I think it is certainly possible that a seven year old is just repeating something without really appreicating how rude it was. I think it would be mortifying to have the issue raked over hours afterwards.
I might have said, your dd was a little upset this morning, but we did sort it out. leaving the mother to bring it up with her dd if she wanted to.

What did you do when the brat said it was the worst sleepover and she's not coming again? Not that she would get the chance with me!

god, sorry for lousy typing/spelling

(I wasn't annoyed that the OP made the little girl cry but did think she probably shouldn't have said anything to the mother: if my child came home from a sleepover and told me they had been told off and had cried, and the parent of the other child hadn't said anything about it, I would assume that the other parent had dealt with the behaviour at the time and (correctly IMO) hadn't wanted to dredge the incident up again hours later)

And surely it doesn#t matter what the dh was doing - it's his house! He can do/say what he likes - it's not up to the 'guest' to comment!
And the sooner she learns that the better for her.

Oh I'd not have mentioned it to the parent (unless it was a particularly hilarious put-down or remark that I knew they'd find amusing too ).

at "brat" and "manipulative little madam"
some of you really don't like children, do you

Is it a requirement, harpsi?

SEriuosly though, one of DD's friends is quite, "confident" in front of others - particularly when her sole parent is around. She'll often ignore her parent and look to me for a reaction. I've had to tell her not to be so rude to her parent before now right in front of them - seriously!

Some children are right shockers you know

no just an observation
I agree with Enid (now I have read the thread)
I think it is a good point to say that sometimes the subtelties of right and wrong are a tricky to grasp for a seven year old