If you found out that your child had said this to an adult, how would you react?

[sandyballs]

A friend's DD stayed the night on Fri and was generally well behaved, if a bit moany and moody. Sat morning my DH was telling one of my girls off about something and this child said very loudly 'God, he goes on and on doesn't he', then followed this up with 'Will someone please shut him up'. She is 7. I was stunned and told her that this was unacceptable in our house, she cried and locked herself in the bathroom.

When I dropped her home I mentioned it to to her mum who didn't seem particularly bothered, she made light of it, saying that she probably didn't mean it as I interpreted it .

Just curious to see what the general view on MN is.

Crikey, I'd be stunned if a child invited here for a sleepover spoke like that .

I would probably reprimand the child politely ("we don't speak to one another like that in this house" sort of thing) and would not mention it to the child's parents, but I would definitely talk about it with our children and be hesitant about encouraging the friendship.

oh god the minefield of different parenting practices mixed with sleepovers !!

I would think you had clearly dealt with it yourself at the time, so I probably wouldn't seem "particularly bothered".

I would probably have a chat with the DD later about the how it's easy to misjudge tone and offend someone without meaning to. I agree with potoroo and Lazycow that this is most likely (unless there's a lot more to it that you haven't said) a case of repeating something that she's heard an adult say, without understanding the importance of context, and this would be a good "teaching moment" in that regard.

But then, as with potoroo, I have clear memories of doing something similar at around that age and feeling mortified when I realised how it had come across (heck, I still feel mortified about it now, nearly three decades on ) as I'd meant it quite innocently with no intention to be rude. I probably cried, too. And I learned a very important lesson.

They are, Greensleeves. All of them. All the time.

MN is going to take a bloody battering tonight because I have lost my voice so cannot use my phone!

I was a gobby little brat at aged 7, and for some reason was allowed to get away with it. It did NOT do me any favours.

LOL.

But then we had a child tell D he was a 'f*ing idiot'.

She may have been feeling awkward and not used to being away from home, she may have ben over-excited, she may have been feeling so grown up staying away from home that she could talk like some adults she hears, she may never say anything like it again. Kids experiment with different ways of talking.

I would be furious if DS spoke to somone like that, but if a child said it at our house, I would just say, quite muildly, 'oh, I don't think that sounded very polite, did it?'.

I remember it being much more upsetting being told off by other people's parents than your own.

She sounds just like a child I know - when she was very young some of her behaviour could be interpreted as high-spirited and charming in a way. However, by now she has alienated most adults (and children) she knows by these sort of comments. I don't know where this child has picked up the stuff she sometime comes out with - her parents don't seem the type to say those sort of things at home - but from what I have seen they are not very good at setting boundaries, discipline, etc.

I have told her off when doing this sort of thing in earshot of my kids - as you say, what sort of message would it send your kids if you didn't reprimand her?

7 year olds are imo still typically trying to figure out how they fit into society. My niece 7 walked into her parents bedroom where my SIL was trying on a dress for a wedding. My db was lying on the bed and my niece walked past and said. "You're not wearing THAT are you?" and as she walked past my db she said "Divorce her"!...Db laughed and said that is exactly the way SIL is with her mum so he's not sympathetic.

What wickdww said. Bit of a little madam. but I'd b quietly bemused & impressed by how articulate she was, not annoyed. Just brush off or ignore it.
Cant understand responses making a fuss about this being 2 insolent.

I'd have reacted in the same way as the op, although probably not mentioned anything to the mum (not sure what purpose that would serve; kid's already been told)
I don't think whta the child said (or her reaction to being reprimanded) makes her a particularly rude or manipulative child though; just a child.. Children don't automatically know what is and isn't socailly acceptable; they learn by mistakes. She probably thought she was being smart; now she knows it was rude

socially dyslexic fingers!!

My DD is 7 and a bit. She would get a serious talking to from me if she'd behaved like that. I would've said exactly the same as the OP did. I'm not strict, but if I find behaviour by a visiting child unacceptable, I say so (and have done).

At 7, they know what's right and wrong - I just don't buy the fact that's she's repeating something she heard, I do however think that behaviour is maybe par for course in her own home.

No I wouldnt have even mentnioned it

except when she had gone I would have told dd1 that I thought she was quite rude

and I think making her cry was a bit much - although you didnt shout she was clearly embarrassed adn probably said it in the heat of th emoment - maybe tryig to defuse tense situation between your dd and dh?

my dh would have thought it was amusing tbh

The behaviour in front of her mum (rubbish sleepover, hating OP etc) is definitely rude. Whatever the context of the original cheeky remarks! If one of mine spoke like that after being a guest in someone's house, in front of the person, their feet wouldn't touch the floor.

I;ve only read the op btw

Actually, although I would have responded to the comments by telling the child that that wasn't a nice thing to say, I'm not sure I would have said anything to the mother. Because it would seem like a criticism wouldn't it? And it had been dealt with.

agree with www here

it would be totally different if one of my own children had said that to dh

but god I would really let it go

I think the 'come down hard' attitude is really sad - and I am glad I am married to a man who is big enough to take a bit of cheek from a 7 year old girl!

Slightly different perspective here. Very interesting comments so far. I'm a teacher, so regularly 'correct' children about the way they speak. Some children cry very easily, yes often through embarrassment, and some just accept what you say and take it on board. It's always important to speak calmly and quietly (much more effective than shouting) which it sounds like you did. One thing that teachers often try to do is to speak to the child away from others, as they are less likely to react badly due to being 'shown up'. You could then tell your own children later what you said or did. I find it hard to understand why some people don't like their children to be corrected by other people - I think a child gets a really rounded view of what is acceptable in the world socially by hearing different people's views.

I don't see why so many MNers are up in arms about the fact that this girl cried at being told off. MY dd1 cries all the time and had a tantrum earlier on when she couldn't do the zip up on her coat in under 2 seconds. She is 7 next birthday. Girls her age cry all the bleedin time fgs. They are drama queens.

no yhey arent

At seven you know a lot about right and wrong. You know that stealing is "wrong", because stealing is always "wrong". You know that murder is "wrong", because murder is always "wrong". You know that lying is "wrong", because lying is always "wrong" (in fact, you may cause your parents some embarassment through this attitude). You don't necessarily know that it's acceptable for adult A to say something to adult B but "wrong" for you to say exactly the same thing to adult C, IMO.

ok i would hv been peed off with the later behaviour

just chalk it up and dont invite her again!

i think the op was correct in telling the girl off. She was there and heard the tone of voice.
if A child was rude to/about my dh I would tell them off.
Her crying was not the op's fault. she didn't make her cry.

On reflection, I still think the child was very rude. The bloke was telling his own daughter off. Interupting that is highly inappropriate really, however it is done. I think most 7 year old know that. My DD (almost 6) certainly would, though she's young enough to take her tone from the other children around her and if she were in a house with a cheeky child, she would enter enthusiastically into cheeky mode. However, she also recognises adult boundaries being drawn, so in that situation she'd probably shut up. It sounds like this child doesn't recognise automatic adult authority. Although it might have been an attempt to defuse tension, I'm not sure if most 7 year olds are subtle enough for that are they? (Don't know, I know DS wouldn't be now and he's 8.)

LOL colditz, I was a little gobshite at that age too. Mainly to friends' parents/at school, because at home I would get my head knocked off for breathing, never mind speaking.

I suppose we all bring our own backgrounds and experiences to these discussions. The OP did put me in mind of the kind of angry, fear-filled morasse of desperation that made me behave badly/attention-seek around other adults at 7.

OP, do you know the girl's family? I'm just being nosey now, but I wonder why this child is so rude and emotionally labile.

But then, I am a well-known bleeding heart where children are concerned, so I expect to be laughed at