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Original poster

have given the ultimate punishment - no Xmas pressies!

116 replies

xmasfortunecookie · 19/12/2007 21:22

I'm fed up. Ds(4) has "anger management" problems. He came home today saying he'd hit his teacher (again)! Frustrated & furious, I told him he'd get no Xmas pressies from me because bad children who hit don't deserve presents. I went on to say that if grownups hit each other, they risk going to prison & there is no excuse for his lack of control. I admit I'm desperate but maybe I've gone too far? What do you think?

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CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 19/12/2007 22:26

Oh right, reading down posts, sorry slur I hadn't read your reply earlier!

S1ur · 19/12/2007 22:30

My dd has my temper

WiFi · 19/12/2007 22:31

Smack him.

Unless you have an adverse fear of instilling fear into your children.

I am sure that most of the 'intelligent people' will be along to tell me that smacking is horrible.

Unless you have eons of time to spend reconciling your time with your children.

GrimmaTheNome · 19/12/2007 22:33

Just a thought - you say your DS is like you and you've had a hard time too controlling anger and suchlike.

Can you try to think what HAS worked for you? Were there people in your life who did calm rather than aggravate your temper? Can you think of breakthroughs? If you can sit back and think you may find you have - through experience - more expertise.

One other thing - someone else wisely mentioned that punishments for small children need to be promptly administered. That indicates that its a bit late by the time he gets home to have much impact on the teacher-hitting episode. Perhaps you and the teacher need to have an agreed strategy for what she should do if he is violent in school - your DS should know that you and she are agreed on it.

LadyFuchsia · 19/12/2007 22:34

Cookie, there was a great post earlier which talked about how he would have to earn his presents back. Could you do that, say that hitting his teacher has made everyone sad but if he's very very good (set some boundaries) between now and Christmas, he can earn his presents back?

And then, not go on about it, but take it as read that he's trying really hard anyway, and that Santa (or whoever) knows he's trying to be a good boy, etc.

BTW you don't sound like a shit parent at all, we all run out of ideas sometimes.

S1ur · 19/12/2007 22:35

Yeah. fab plan wifi.

Hit the child that hits for hitting.

Great.

Sorted.

WiFi · 19/12/2007 22:35

Stop all of the analysing and wallop your kid. They do not understand a lot of the stuff thats being touted around and will be good people eventually.

POOKAingwenceslaslookedout · 19/12/2007 22:37

Don't smack him.

LadyFuchsia · 19/12/2007 22:37

Oops, sorry, you didn't say anything about being a shit parent, just "Shit, ..."

I do apologise.

melinda · 19/12/2007 22:38

Before you accept a four year old's version of events, please, please,please talk to his teacher and find out what REALLY happened and why.
It could be completely different to what he has told you. HOnestly.
Then have a meeting with the school in the new year to discuss how to manage his behaviour.
Did the psychologist suggest anything about your little boy? What does the school think?
You are panicking big time and projecting yourself on a very little boy. When you are very scared (that he will turn out like you or end up in a gang or something) you can be very aggressive because of all the adrenaline. Apologise to him in the morning. Say that you are sure he is sorry and that FC will turn up. Then go into the school and ask for ten minutes with the teacher asap to find out what really happened.

WiFi · 19/12/2007 22:38

Well if your kid is being tortured by someone who didn't discipline, then get on with it.

The 'lets walk & talk' with children is not working they are still thugs.

POOKAingwenceslaslookedout · 19/12/2007 22:39

The fact that "they don't understand a lot of the stuff that's touted around" suggests to me that children of this age are too young to comprehend many things. Including why they're being smacked by their mother who loves them, hours after they hit someone at school.

TheIceQueen · 19/12/2007 22:39

WiFi what f*ck are you on???? A lot of times in life, especially with children that age you often HAVE to find time to reconcile with your children.

And before you leap on me - we smack our DS's as a part of the discipline used in this house.

melinda · 19/12/2007 22:39

Ignore Wifi - she's talking absolute crap. You don't sound like a violent, nasty person, so I'm sure you wouldn't dream of attacking your son.

WiFi · 19/12/2007 22:40

And I second the talking to the teacher. If they don't have a clue, tell him to hit back.

End of.

bananabox · 19/12/2007 22:40

No thugs in my house WIfi - maybe we're just too 'intelligent' for that

POOKAingwenceslaslookedout · 19/12/2007 22:41

What's are you on about Wifi? Don't understand you. Who are thugs?

POOKAingwenceslaslookedout · 19/12/2007 22:42

Tell who to hit back? the teacher?

WiFi · 19/12/2007 22:44

Thats ok melinda

S1ur · 19/12/2007 22:45

Wfi - troll right?

Must be. Talking shite and stirring.

No let me think about that.

Four year olds don't understand you telling them you love them and want to help them figure out something else to do when they are cross.

Or

Four year olds hit when they are cross and so you get cross and erm, hit them. Yep you're right they'll understand that much better.

WiFi · 19/12/2007 22:47

Well as far as being intelligent is concerned. It doesn't work. Intelligence is nothing in a 4 year olds life. It doesn't exist. But you do. Whatever way you discipline your children is up to you. But there are a fair few children out there who would benefit from a smack. There you go.

Original poster
xmasfortunecookie · 19/12/2007 22:48

I smack when pushed to the absolute limit but realise it makes no sense whatsoever to smack & at the same time preach "hitting is wrong". So I don't smack, or try very, very hard not to! My dad used to smack & it certainly kept me in order but there are definitely other ways of disciplining. I would never have dreamt of hitting or smacking anyone when I was little. And no one would ever have sent their kid to a shrink in my day either. But now there are waiting lists of 6 months for a child psy, so I'm told. WTF?!

OP posts:
TheIceQueen · 19/12/2007 22:49

Actually WiFi I think you'll find there's a fair few children who just need some discipline (regardless of "style") rather than just walloping them......which does NO good at all.

LittleSleighBellasRinging · 19/12/2007 22:49

My mum smacked me all the time.

People talk about how you start to forgive and understand your parents when you have your own children, but for me it has been the opposite. I look at my lovely DD (who sometimes utterly infuriates me) and know that i was just like her at hre age (everyone tells me I was) and I wonder how my mother could have been so bloody cruel to me. I'm verging on hating her at the moment.

WiFi is proposing a short-term solution to each outburst, which long term may lead to even bigger problems with your DS. Everyone else is proposing a long term solution to an underlying problem which hopefully long term, will lead to a loving and happy relationship with your son.

Your choice xmasfc.

edam · 19/12/2007 22:51

agree you need to talk to the school. Both to find out what happened today - it may not be as bad as you fear, they may have dealt with it at the time so no need for drastic measures at home - and what to do from now on. How would the teacher suggest you back up the 'no hitting' message and react to him telling you he's done x y or z at school?