have given the ultimate punishment - no Xmas pressies!

[xmasfortunecookie]

I'm fed up. Ds(4) has "anger management" problems. He came home today saying he'd hit his teacher (again)! Frustrated & furious, I told him he'd get no Xmas pressies from me because bad children who hit don't deserve presents. I went on to say that if grownups hit each other, they risk going to prison & there is no excuse for his lack of control. I admit I'm desperate but maybe I've gone too far? What do you think?

So glad it's all worked out, and maybe for the best because the advice on the thread was really good, and without the crisis maybe you wouldn't have got the feedback! Wifi notwithstanding... But Cliff's advice in particular was really good and I'll file it away for when my DS is a bit bigger - he seems to have inherited his DH's fiery temper. (But like DH, he is kindest sweetest boy... Just prone to the red mist!)

I hope this thread has helped you to get a bit of perspective xmas. It really comes across that your expectations of your ds have been way too much. Some really good advice on here (and some hysterical stuff like 'smack him' and 'intelligence plays no part in a 4 year old's life' WTF???? )

I think it could be really useful to remember this and just take the pressure of your ds alot, and off yourself of course; his behaviour is so normal; sometimes I do think it's hard for people if they have a girl first, as boys are so very different; and the four year old testosterone-fuelled anger sessions can be quite alarming; but they're so normal.

And it's a real, salutory lesson to take in, that a 4 year old's perception of reality can be odd, so you DO need to check facts before you leap in to punishments! And I also think as someone pointed out that you need to step away from punishing for things that happen at school; don't put that pressure on - school deal with stuff at school. When a 4 yr old is home he needs a fresh slate.

I think you have gone to far for a 4 year old.
Christmas presnts should not be associated with bieng good. Yyou give them because you love someone. Also Christmas is to far way for a 4 year old to remember why he has not got any.Any punishment should be done straight away or as close as possibel at that age.

I have read this whole thread and as the mum of a two-year-old who is, I think, very like me and can be full of rage, I have found some of the advice really, really useful and have stored it away for future reference.

I also had big problems bonding with my son and this thread has made me think hard about how I treat him in relation to that. Thanks very much to all the people who have posted useful thought-provoking stuff and to the OP for being so honest and bringing all this out for discussion. Cheers guys.

So glad you are feeling better a problem shared is a problem halfed!!

ah so glad that's all sorted hope your ds has a very merry christmas and loves all his presents!!!

As luck would have it, was struck down with flu on Fri (never been so ill in my life - incredible!) & have been listening to ds & dd run rings around dh as he shouts himself hoarse trying to make them behave. He hasn't a clue!

Tell me, oh Wise Women, what do you do when your kid refuses to sit on the naughty step, blows raspberries at you and laughs at you when you shout?

Find out about Non-coercive parenting (google alfie Kohn or DEborah Jackson or Taking Children Seriously)

But I'm a bit extreme...

Didn't have time to read whole thread but at 4 if he gets no Christmas presents he will loose all future faith in humanity
How about giving him the presents but say that santa said if he's naughty you have been told to take them away - then do this one at a time til he gets the message.

How did Christmas go. I hope that the little boy did get his presents.

Bollox to this - a 4 year old who hits his teacher (not once but has done so before) - you're bang on the money xmasfortunecookie, he needs some proper sanctions

(except I read further down he didn't hit her at all)??

challenging! - my dd is very creative with reality too. Some very interesting tall tales she spins. It can get you into a real spin

I have 2 ds and a dd. Little boys are completely and utterly different neurologically and psychologically from little girls. A whole different ball game requiring different parenting strategies.

I would really recommend Steve Biddulph's "Raising Boys" - I found it very helpful - I had no brothers, and an absentee father, so very little experience of males generally - it has taken me over 50 years to work out how they tick!

IME boys who have older sisters need even more support and attention for all sorts of reasons. Expectations of their behaviour and development are often unrealistic, and they can get frustrated because they are less articulate than girls are at the same age.

I hope you can get some support from the school and the Ed, Psych. and a proper programme in place.

Ds did get his presents, of course. He was in pig heaven over his Peppa Pig portable doll's house & the remote-control racing car dh found for him. Wonderful excuse for dh to get out of helping out for Xmas dinner preparations, btw. He also got a Mika CD & a CD player/alarm clock which he went nuts over.

dd was a very good boy today and I complimented him on it when I put him to bed. "Will you tell Amelia that I was a good boy today?" he asked, smiling. Amelia is his teacher. Little heart!

On the other hand, dd was an absolute misery from start to finish. I've never seen a more "down" kid on Christmas day. She was on an Eeyore dimension, definitely.