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Original poster

DH's behaviour not on...

106 replies

pupuce · 02/08/2002 00:03

Salalex - here I am
I can't believe you've just been through this. There is nothing that justifies this sort of treatment... what did he say today ?

OP posts:
salalex · 02/08/2002 00:05

I am a filthy slut, lowlife B etc. i have apologised-he has not. my dds do not deserve me he says. I have been to a solicitor and we wil start divorce proceedings as soon as possible - although i will neve tell him who else was involved. it was definitely a sympton of unhappiness, not the cause, altough i feel pathetic trying to defend myself.

Original poster
pupuce · 02/08/2002 00:07

As Mears has asked... has he ever done this before ?

OP posts:
salalex · 02/08/2002 00:07

He says he is happy ???!!-yes really! for me to tell his parents. clearly he thinks he is a man nore sinned against than sinning. And that he would be happy for me to involve the police - although i don;t think I will, as this will involve dragging dds through court etc

Original poster
pupuce · 02/08/2002 00:09

I am no expert but your solicitor might give you some advice on this... if you do report him to the police this might help you in your divorce case ????

Also does he drink ? Anyone who attacks anyone must have very little respect for life !

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salalex · 02/08/2002 00:10

No. Well, he grabbed my arms once about a year ago and left bruises and ripped my nightie. Yesterday he also pulled clumps of hair out and ripped my clothes that were on the floor

Original poster
pupuce · 02/08/2002 00:11

He's got one violent temper... do your DDs see this ?

Sorry about the DH... should have been LLH (low life)

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salalex · 02/08/2002 00:13

No he doesn't drink to excess. Also solicitor seemed to think it was something and nothing - and that my sort of infidelity would not be taken into account in anyway by the court.Sorry, ou don;t need this crap b4 bedtime - i appreciate you writing. he thinks I am a sad for writing on mumsnet. i had to leave the house yesterday "for my own safety" and went to a friend. Which was awful as she had children who wondered what was going on. But she was very lovely to me. Just feel like a sad old slag now.

mears · 02/08/2002 00:13

You have obviously been unhappy for a long time, probably so has he. Do you think that he exploded uncharacteristically and that he may apologise for his appalling behaviour allowing you to proceed with the divorce on a more amicable footing.
Are you under threat from him. Do you have help?

salalex · 02/08/2002 00:15

They didn't see him do this, thank God. I have said i fell over, and as i wasn't at home yesterday evening for them -which they were very upset about, had to tell them i'd forgotten to tell them about prior arrangement with aforrementioned friend. He thinks he was justifiably provoked.

Original poster
pupuce · 02/08/2002 00:15

Salalex - I had an uncle who did beat is wife up once or twice - she stayed with us in the middle of the night... we also felt (I was a child) that it was strange but my mum was very supportive of her - they divorced.
I am sorry but NOTHING justifies violence... and certainly not a fling or an affair!

OP posts:
mears · 02/08/2002 00:15

Are the children safe with him? Will he let you see them?

Original poster
pupuce · 02/08/2002 00:17

I am sure once the rest of the mumsnet world wakes up you'll get more advice but there must be some helpline who can help you.
You seem to think in some way that he shouldn't be blamed............

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salalex · 02/08/2002 00:20

I don't think I am under threat. he has assured me that he won't do it again. I am not near family unfortunately, but do have good friends about. I Dont think he will ever apologise. Although I am still a bit scared. i was supposed to be taking dds to see grannie and grandad and other family who are about 1 1/2 hours away on hols, but he is taking them to his mum and dads for a week to getaway from me. i will see my mum and dad on my own, but do not know what to say to them- no black eyes, just a bit of bruising on my arm. Of course, if I tell them what he did, i will have to tell them what precipitated (right word?!) it. And then they'll despise him forever of course. he told his dad who was flabergasted apparently. Although funnily enough he didn't tell him what he did to me...

mears · 02/08/2002 00:23

Salalex - am confused. Did he catch you with someone else? Is that so very bad?

salalex · 02/08/2002 00:23

Pupuce, once your told that often you're a slag, it's hard not to believe it. he says he is still willing to sort out custody ourselves- although i will get everything legally documented. he says i should waive my right to any of his pension in the settlement, as recompense for my disgusting, lowlife, tawdry behavour

salalex · 02/08/2002 00:24

Mears, vv embarrassed. it was a phone thang - although not a chat line!

mears · 02/08/2002 00:24

Do not listen to him. You are entitled to his pension as are your dds.

Original poster
pupuce · 02/08/2002 00:24

Tricky isn't it - Still don't think this justifies having you beaten up.... sorry ! And it is worst if he wasn't drunk actually ! Are you his first wife ? How old is he ?

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salalex · 02/08/2002 00:25

And according to him, it is a truly heinous crime which has for ever more destroyed his trust in me. And his misdemeanours- although not of the infidel kind he assures me - are as nothing to my disgusting behaviour.

Original poster
pupuce · 02/08/2002 00:26

Salalex you helped me with my job/HR questions - you are clearlyu clever.... come on GIRL ! Don't start letting him do this to you... there is NO justification !!! Phone, internet or in a brothel ! For god sake !!!!!

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salalex · 02/08/2002 00:27

He's 38 and I'm his first wife -married 10years together 15. And when I mentioned he beat me up he said "Oh, you think that was a beating do you?" A class act and no mistake.

salalex · 02/08/2002 00:29

Hooray for you!! I am not mad!! I keep thinking i will be strong for me and for my dds and I WILL be happy again!!! So there!!!!!! And I hope my typing is keeping him awake!!!!!! HA!

mears · 02/08/2002 00:29

So bloody what! Was he spying on you? I am sorry it is not the most heinous ( spelling) crime in the world, that warrants you not receiving what is rightfully yours in a financial settlement.
Yes you have had a relationship with someone else . No he does not deserve to treat you like this. Do not let him blackmail you.

Original poster
pupuce · 02/08/2002 00:29

Well get one of those leaflets from one of these support groups and SHOW IT TO HIM!!!! He might be surprised as to what is considered a beating... and anyway, throwing you off a bed and threatening or trying to throw you down the stairs is violence.

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salalex · 02/08/2002 00:32

Well I do feel better for typing, thank you so much. I feel I am so self obsessed at the moment,it's awful, i can't wait for it all to be over, so I can get on with my life and my dds. Got 3 valuers coming to see house next week when he is not here. it will be such a relief to be onmy own for a bit.