DH's behaviour not on...

[pupuce]

Salalex - here I am
I can't believe you've just been through this. There is nothing that justifies this sort of treatment... what did he say today ?

Well done Lilibet - your story may give others the courage to do the same. Does your H know you are leaving? Will he try to follow you?
I hope your H realises that you will not be messed around with, getting the police involved was a good idea to get this through to him!

Hope this can be a fresh start for all of you. Let us know how you get on won't you?

Oh Lilibet! What you have been through sounds so much worse than what I went through, horrible though it was. I keep thinking of you and do hope that from September things are so much better for you. Please don't feel this is my thread!! I think you sound remarkably brave and hope that you take comfort from stories like Lizzer's. Do I take it from what you said that your husband does not know you are going? Will you be Ok when he finds out?? My husband is coming home today - can't wait to see dds but v. apprehensive about seeing him. I'm sure you will feel so much better when you have your own place - only a few weeks to go!! Hang in there and loads of luck to you. Keep posting and let us know how you are. You should be proud of yourself for taking this step.
And thank you all, you lovely, lovely mumsnetters for writing to me. (Sounds like I'm Dame Edna!)
Lots of love, Salalex.xxx

Hi Sal, no he doesn't know that I am going, but I am sure will be ok, it won't come as a big surprise as we are at the nisi stage of the divorce and one of us has to move out and he has refused to. I am now trying to keep the house tidy, including cupboards and drawers to make it easy to go in one day. Practically impossible in this house. I must say that H is the only tidy one of all of us but I have visions of people trying to wade thru piles of rubbish to get to the stuff thatI want to take. Bet you can't wait to see your dd's, that is one thig I am dreading being away from the children, we have agreed overnight stays one week in three and I know I shall prowl the house like a caged bear, Should plan wild parties to distract myself! I don't know about you but this brave woman that people write about is nothing like the scatty dizzy untidy reality that is me! I quite like her but no one who knows me would recognise the description! Have a wonderful reunion and weekend and I totally echo your Dame Edna impresssion. Gladioli for everyone! xx

Lilibet, Do youmean theyare going to be with him for the whole of one week in three? i.e. 7 nights away from you? Me and my huisband cannot agree on how much time they should spend with each of us. I suggested me for 8 days him for 6 but he doesn;t like this and says they won't know where they are and has the bizarre idea that I want to be the primary carer in case of any future legal arguments. He wants one week with him and one with me but I do not know if I could bear it as he says he should pick them up from school club etc when they are with him and therefore I won't see them. This is just so bloody hard I am cracking up. And couldn't go to edinburgh meet up today cos I have a stinking cold youngest infested with nits and he won't let me drive decent car. B***ks!!! Sorry, feeling very rude!

Hi, aren't nits horrid? When my dd got them i got such a great feeling of satisfaction form cathching and killing the little b***rs. With the hours that he works, the only time he can have them for more than a weekend is school hols. I am part time and do the school runs, they will stay wth him one weekend in three and some school hols. Be careful because your maintenance payments are affected if they stay with your partner for more than 52 nights in a year. The other two weekends he will alternate sat/sun and will have open access during weeknights to have them for an hour or so after tea if he wants, but I don't know if he will take me up on this tho'. Was the reunion wonderful with your dds? How is H? I broke the news to quite a few friends this morning that I was moving into this new house and have had so many offers of help with cleaning and moving stuff and decorating, everyone is very kind. I know you will find the same. The thing is that I feel that everyone is celebrating me moving but I do feel sad about it a lot of the time and want to dampen down their enthusiasm. Then again they have put up with me hesitating and asking for advice for so long they are probably just releived I won't be doing that any more. BTW where are you up to? Is one of you moving out? Do the dds know? How old are they? Mine are 5, 9 and 13. Going to crack open my usual Sunday night bottle! I am resolving not to drink during the week so enjoying this, the last for 4 days! Keep posting! xx

Salalex, you could always try Family Mediation to sort out any disagreements like access. Normally the mother gets the primary care of the children, but this does differ. Also you have to take into consideration what the children would like to do. Having a third party involved can often take the bias away from a situation and look at it from the children's point of view, as well as looking at practical considerations, such as who would pick them up from school if your H is working full-time, or is doing overtime, dentists appointments and so on. If you are not working or only working p/t it may be more practical for you to be the primary carer and your H will just have to lump it. Family Mediation will help him to see this without you having to get into any more bitter arguments.

Good luck, let us know how you go on.