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Original poster

Help me to "guide" DS2.10 please...

220 replies

mm22bys · 28/03/2007 09:21

Hi,

I lost it this morning with DS2.10.

Main issue is he helps himself to food in cupboards and fridge.

I tell him not to - take him down from bench and get him the food he wants - this morning it was toast.

Then I had to have a shower and I could hear him help himself to fridge again, this time he wanted yogurt. I told him to wait. Got back in shower and next thing I know DS is crying and there is yogurt all over the floor and walls.

Told him he was naughty and tried to explain that that is why I told him to wait...

In meantime I notice toast is still uneaten so told him to eat it. He threw it on the floor.

That's when I lost it with him...

He then ASKED for cheese, so I got it for him. He threw that on the floor so now he is in his room.

Help please! What am I doing wrong? I probably should not have left him unattended but what else can I do? I asked him to tell me if he was hungry, and I got him what he asked for, and still it all went wrong....

OP posts:
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LilyLoo · 28/03/2007 09:25

Had exactly the same problem with my DS he now 5. We got child locks on everything including fridge they still there now. As for leaving him while you have a shower better than stinking imo

FillyjonkIsMilitantAboutFruit · 28/03/2007 09:26

hmm what is the big issue here for you?

the helping himself to food (a possibility if so would be a box or similar that you put food into that you are happy for him to have-one of franny's snack boxes, or greeny's snack fridges

OR

the "naughtiness" /asking for food then refusing it etc?

Original poster
mm22bys · 28/03/2007 09:34

The fact that I seem to be continually telling him to get down from the benches and out of the fridge....

I have got down to his level, held is face in my hands, and told him it's unacceptable behaviour

I have asked me to tell me if he is hungry so I can get him the food he wants

I have redirected him by putting him in his room or playing and talking with him

But nothing stops the climbing!

At the moment I would put up with the not eating the foos he asks for it if meant he wouldn't climb!

I think it may be an issue of trying to get my attention as he now has a four month old brother who has not been well so he is taking up a lot of my time.

DS2.10 does go to nursery 2.5 days a week, but today is one of his home days and at the moment I am really not enjoying them and finding them very stressful!

OP posts:
christywhisty · 28/03/2007 09:41

Not sure what your problem is. My DS 11 gets his own breakfast, cooking beans on toast for himself and sister(9). As far as I am concerned for breakfast they can get things like toast, yoghurts, fruit cereal etc for themselves.

Why did he have to wait for his breakfast? He is 10 years old and should be more than capable of getting things like toast for himself.At 10 he obviously would like a bit more independence so let him get his own breakfast.

Is the problem at other times that he is snacking and not eating his dinner?

My kids tend to ask if they can have things like crisps and cakes but things like fruit ,healthier snacks they can take at anytime.

gnu · 28/03/2007 09:45

Think he might be about 7.2 years younger than you think

christywhisty · 28/03/2007 09:46

I am really sorry I read his age as 10 not 2.10!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I completely change my tack. Both my 2 were climbers and it is so annoying.Found my daughter on the microwavegetting stuff from the top of the kitchen cupboards.
My son used to pull a box after him at 10 months to use it to climb on.

We had locks on all the cupboards and the fridge!We had an open plan kitchen diner but I would have put a stair gate across the kitchen door if I could.
Put a positive spin on it. He is obviously an inquisitive intelligent little boy.

Tortington · 28/03/2007 09:50

fkinell - stop the kid from going in the kitchen
close the door
stair gate

high lock
upsidedown handle

its natural curiosity. e's not naughty.

your daft for not stopping him via alternative means.

Twiglett · 28/03/2007 09:52

custy is right

FillyjonkIsMilitantAboutFruit · 28/03/2007 09:54

oh climbing

yes its a pita isn't it? both my two went/are going through the climbing phase

ok

I wouldn't put locks on the fridge. if it bothers you for him to help himself, i'd sort him out a snack box (a lunchbox with pre-approved snacks in it-do a search for more info).

he's clealry into food. see that as a positive. get him helping you with food. washing spuds etc.

also-taking responsibility for some of the cleaning. my youngest scrapes her plate and puts it in the dishwasher reliably, and also, like her older brother, cleans up after making a food related mess (not fantastically well but the thought is there). she's 20 months. She does this because it has been drummed into her, tbh. Its good for kids to pull their weight in the household-good for their self esteem as much as anything else.

is he usually like this about changing his mind re food? if so, i reckon something else is going on. (nothing deep, just that its not about food, maybe he's trying to string out your attention or something)

malaleche · 28/03/2007 09:54

i think at that age they simply dont (can't)understand about waiting for things or things not being allowed. also they climb like monkeys! if you try to think of it as essential for his developement that he investigate and do things for himself it might make it less stressful. i think you'll just have to toddler-proof your house even more. giving him a special box of things/food you dont mind him helping himself to during the day would maybe help too. couldnt he be in the bathrom with you playing with water and toys in the sink while you shower? i do agree that you should continue to try to teach him what is acceptable, in a few months he'll have changed a lot...

Original poster
mm22bys · 28/03/2007 12:34

Excuse me I am not daft and I take personal offence and I am going to report your post.

It is physically impossible to keep him out of the kitchen, our downstairs is open plan and the "doorway" is too wide for even the widest stairgate.

He is very intelligent, thank you pp, I really do not think though telling a mner, who is obviously at her wits end and trying to do the best by her son, is daft for asking for help.

I am now off to report both iamnotcustyhonest and twiglett. Thank you for nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
mm22bys · 28/03/2007 12:37

Reporting of both Twiglett's, and Iamnotcustyhonest's posts done.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 28/03/2007 12:38

you're going to report someone for saying you're daft and giving you sensible advice?

I'm quaking in fear ... actually I'm not ... sorry

its a shame that the open plan nature of your house will not allow you to follow this eminently sensible advice

your child is 2 not 5

Gess · 28/03/2007 12:41

report??? good grief! They gave you good advice. You have to physically stop him at 2, nothing else will work. Cupboard locks, chairs in a separate room from cupboards.

To keep my autistic son out of rooms when we have to (he climbs and can open any childlock going in 2 seconds) we have installed keys at the very top of most doors in the house - I wear the key around my neck. My friend installed a keypad lock into her kitchen.

I think babydan do a huge stairgate- its the one that turns into a playpen. Another company do one that's like a sideways rollerblind. Both are meant to fit wide openings.

Twiglett · 28/03/2007 12:42

"Reporting of both Twiglett's, and Iamnotcustyhonest's posts done. "

OMG I'm crying with laughter

collision · 28/03/2007 12:43

What a strange thing to report!

I think the OP might be new and not used to the 'say it as it is' approach used by some Mumsnetters!

I thought Custy was right myself.

Show the child who is in charge!

Gess · 28/03/2007 12:44

twiglett only wrote "custy is right". I guess I'll get reported now for saying cuty's advice was good.

Original poster
mm22bys · 28/03/2007 12:47

Honestly guys, thinking of door locks or stairgates is not rocket science. Please give me some credit. If the solution was as simple as that I think that I may have thought of it myself?

Like I said, our downstairs has one door into the living room, then a "doorway" (with no door) into like a middle room where the computer "room" is then it leads into the kitchen.

We put a stairgate round the computer, to stop DS getting at the computer, but he figured out pretty quickly how to open it(as a pp figured out, DS is pretty intelligent).

The walls to the computer "room" are only just narrow enough for the widest stairgate, and the "entrance" into the kitchen is wider still. So a stairgate would not work.

Even if a stairgate did work, it wouldn't keep him out for long.

The other complication is that our dining room table is in the kitchen so it makes difficult to move all the chairs to somewhere where he couldn't move them to get into cupboards.

I guess I am just looking at some non-violent "behaviour modification" techniques to stop DS.

I couldn't care less if he does help himself, but it is not safe, and I can't watch him all the time.

OP posts:
Marina · 28/03/2007 12:48

Well, I think ensuring your ds can't get into the fridge or the cupboards in the kitchen is the answer. If you can't fit a stairgate, you can put safety latches on the storage spaces.
climbing and testing the boundaries is normal toddler behaviour. Usually parents deal with it as above, for both safety reasons and also not wanting to be saying no, or having to distract, or ending up losing their tempers.

oliveoil · 28/03/2007 12:48

dd1 at the same age I could leave in her room with a pile of books and the little angel would stay there 'reading' and content

dd2 - OMG. She comes with me wherever I go, I take her in the bathroom with me as my house would be in ruins otherwise. She sits on the floor and I plonk a load of plastic tat there for her to rifle through. Gives me time to have a QUICK shower.

Take him with you, do not leave on his own. PITA but has to be done.

Give him a snack regularly - I do mine at about 10 ish and 2 ish or whenever. Then when they whine for food you can say that one is on the way

He is 2, get used to it!

Original poster
mm22bys · 28/03/2007 12:50

I am not going to apologise for reporting either post (and I have seen the other thread, thank you very much for that), OK I got advice which in other circumstance I would appreciate someone bothering to give me, being called "daft" was uncalled for.

OP posts:
MrsApron · 28/03/2007 12:50

am tearing up with laughter here.

fgs he is a child who wants your attention or food or both.

and no where did you explain that you thought that physically blocking it was impossible.

i would like to see the under three that doesn't climb because he has been told not to .

bozza · 28/03/2007 12:50
Grin
TrinityRhino · 28/03/2007 12:51

get the babydan safety get/playpen thing and quit being silly

Gosh I can't beleive you think you can't sort it somehow

I you don't want to stop him then all you can do is 'repeat, repeat, repeat' that he isn't to do it and remove himfrom the situation every time he does it.. hmmm that'll talk ALL day so I would just get the safety gate and wait till he is more reasonable and open to doing as he is told

Twiglett · 28/03/2007 12:51

well you may just have to watch him all the time till he's over this phase because he's only 2 and its fairly natural behaviour .. if a phase

I am sorry for sniggering btw its just not the way we do things round here .. assume you're new to mn .. stick around you'll enjoy it