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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Can I have the views of other parents on this situation please

154 replies

thefatfairy · 20/12/2006 12:49

my dd 2.6 was punched deliberately by another child. my dh witnessed this and told the other child off for hitting our daughter. Next thing i know childs mum is shouting at me and dh for telling her child off and saying that we had ruined his day. She was not supervising her child at the time and did not see what happened. We were at an indoor play area, full of other children when she approached me and dh.

OP posts:

donnie · 20/12/2006 12:51

did you explain to the other mum what her child had done?

I hate situations like this. Dealing wiht other parents can be a nightmare.

COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP · 20/12/2006 12:53

How old was the other child?

frogs · 20/12/2006 12:53

Depends how he did it, tbh. So saying calmly, "please don't hit Jemima, she's only little and you've made her cry" is okay. Delivering a noisy telling-off (even if that's what you'd do if it was your child doing the hitting) is going beyond the bounds of okay, imo, unless you know the other child (and his/her parents) well.

It's the difference between keeping your own child safe (fair enough) and trying to discipline other people's children (not really your business).

Hope your dd is okay.

Original poster

thefatfairy · 20/12/2006 12:55

yes when she approached me i told her that dh had seen her child do it, she then said that it was her childs birthday and the child was excited. this i would have understood had it been an accident but the child hit dd with a clenched fist.

OP posts:

nothercules · 20/12/2006 12:56

How did your dh tell the child off?

Original poster

thefatfairy · 20/12/2006 12:59

dd is fine now although she did not want to go and play by herself afterwards and she was screaming her head off.

dh said to child "hey don't hit her, that's not very nice" may have raised his voice slightly to get over the noise of about 30 kids. Hubby asked child where mum was as he was going to go and tell mum so that she could deal with child.

other child was about 4

OP posts:

nothercules · 20/12/2006 13:02

Sadly it seems to be part and parcel of soft play areas. Hate them as so many parents dont supervise their kids and you end up having to do it for them.

gigglinggoblin · 20/12/2006 13:03

i told another child off for exactly the same thing in the school playground the other day. i didnt shout, but i used my no nonsense voice and he did look a little startled. was a bit worried the mum would have a go but i know it was justified so tough (she didnt anyway). if other mums dont want you telling their kids off they should keep a better eye on them, birthday or not!

Original poster

thefatfairy · 20/12/2006 13:04

dh was just trying to protect dd, which imo is a perfectly natural. child was not being supervised at all mum was in another part of the play area. first she knew was when dh told her friend what child had done. mum then came over shouting at us in the middle of play area.

OP posts:

UnquietDad · 20/12/2006 13:09

Too many soft play areas intended for little ones are ruined by thuggish older kids throwing the things about and sliding around without any regard for the toddlers' safety. The parents don't supervise them properly, sadly. It sounds as if what your DH said was appropriate.

Original poster

thefatfairy · 20/12/2006 13:11

We attend this play area every week and as a childminder i normally have other children with me, and i constantly watch the kids to make sure i know where they are and what they are doing. It was very busy today because of holidays and party but i still new where dd was, dh was with her and witnessed that other child was doing.

If someone saw my dd misbehaving i would be fine with them telling her off as long as they didn't shout at her.

OP posts:

blueshoes · 20/12/2006 13:15

fatfairy, your dh is well within his rights. Not at all OTT in telling the child off. If my dd hit someone, I would want her to be told off in the same way, overexcited or not.

As for the mum, she is overreacting. All I can think of is that he son has hit other children before and she is oversensitive on this issue - taking your dh's correction as a judgment on her parenting skills.

Marne · 20/12/2006 13:20

I hate taking dd1 to soft play area, alot of parents seem to just dump their kids in the play area whilst they go off and drink coffee with other parents. Dd1 has had her day ruined many times by older children pushing, hitting and throwing things at her, i find it very hard not to say anything to the child and the parents. I watch my kids like a hawlk. I think you dh did nothing wrong.

aDadOnADustyRoad · 20/12/2006 13:25

I would have done what your dh did, no question.

I dislike those soft play places for just the same reason as you.

You can't really win in that situation.

sunnysideup · 20/12/2006 14:24

Yes, these places are the invention of the devil and should all be burned to the ground

There is only one of these places that has been bearable, and that was a REALLY small one which was about the size of a large living room, and was supervised by a member of staff all the time....there was no seating area for parents so basically they HAD to be in there supervising the play.

I just steer clear of them totally now.

But yes I think I would have done exactly the same as your DH to be honest.

zookeeper · 20/12/2006 14:31

I don't think it's right to rebuke someone else's child and it would really get my back up if some other parent did- DH should have told the mother.

Isn't the point of those areas that you can drink and chat without watching your children all the time?

kittyschristmascrackers · 20/12/2006 14:39

God, I've told many a child off in these horrible play areas.
If a child is attcking your child and there is no parent there what are you supposed to do?
If my child punched someone I would think it fair play if they were told off. Some parents are complete arses though and think that their kids can do no wrong and if they do beat someone up there's always a rubbish excuse. , it doesn't wash this whole excuse of '"it was his birthday" If you are happy and excited you might charge into someone, knock 'em over etc. Punching with a fist? Nooooo, the kid is obviously as aggressive as his mother, I wouldn't give it a second's thought anymore, it would be a second more than they deserve. Did I say how much I hate this pay areas?

nannynickers · 20/12/2006 14:45

tricky tricky tricky - I too would be annoyed if someone shouted at my lo but equally I would find it very difficult not to shout at a (bigger) child who I had just witnessed punching my dd. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to react. Unless smacking someone elses child is involved now that would be wrong!

How was the matter left with the boys mother?

zookeeper · 20/12/2006 14:49

Parents can't watch their children every second unless they follow the little darlings around slavishly. Most children hit/kick/punch at some stage of their development, don't they? It doesn't mean their parents are aggressive..

I would have taken my child away and told the mother. she'd have probably reacted much more positively (she'd have to be pretty thick-skined not to) and got her child to aplogise. I think he was wrong to rebuke the child. He should have apporached the mother.

Who wouldn't feel defensive to see a strange adult telling off their child?

nothercules · 20/12/2006 14:57

The trouble is zookeeper I find that I'm having to supervise the kids whose mums are sitting chatting. Hardly fair is it?

I think your dh was right, I've told off other children before and sought out a parent once in a park whose child was continually hurting other children and asked her to watch him!

mumofhelen · 20/12/2006 14:58

I take my dd to an indoor play area every Wednesday morning. There have been several incidences and but there is one I will never forget, which fortunately did not involve my dd. I was sitting at a table, keeping an watchful eye on my dd who was standing at the bottom of the staircase. I also noticed a boy and girl at the top of the staircase, neither was older than 3 years old. Much to my horror, I watched the boy purposefully/intentionally push the girl down the staircase. This was not an accident. The little girl backrolled down the staircase and was caught by a parent. Guess what was the first reaction of the boy's mother? - who was sitting at the table in front of me, and who also witnessed her son's dangerous actions?

zookeeper · 20/12/2006 15:07

If you feel the need to supervise in the way you say I just don't understand why you would go to these places.

I think telling off a child who is not your own is not your place and asking for trouble. I would approach the parent every time.

Caroligula · 20/12/2006 15:10

I never go to these places, they're full of yobbos

sunnysideup · 20/12/2006 15:15

I think there are times when it's ok not to supervise kids too much - at home, in the garden for instance.....soft play places induce a level of excitement that makes supervision MORE important I think.

There are better times to sit and have a gossip and a coffee.

nothercules · 20/12/2006 15:19

I hardly ever go. Maybe once or twice a year to be honest as I also find them to be full of yobs. Much prefer doing outdoor stuff.

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