Can I have the views of other parents on this situation please

[thefatfairy]

my dd 2.6 was punched deliberately by another child. my dh witnessed this and told the other child off for hitting our daughter. Next thing i know childs mum is shouting at me and dh for telling her child off and saying that we had ruined his day. She was not supervising her child at the time and did not see what happened. We were at an indoor play area, full of other children when she approached me and dh.

so would I but I would want to deal with it.

for all of you who don't mind your child being rebuked by some other adult, what if you simply don't think that the child has done something wrong?

I would have no problem someone telling my child off if they'd hit someone. I wouldnt expect them to have to find me to tell me about it either.

They will have to be told off at somepoint by another adult. WOuld you expect their teachers not to?

i think it much depends on the mothers shoes as to whether i would tackle it or let bolshy kid kick shit out of my kid

but if you hadn't seen it then wouldn't you rather they came and told you about it? Or do you have your eyes on your child for every second?

I would be surprised if someone told my child off for no reason.

Oh this so reminds me of why I hate soft play - fortunately now dd is 6 I can mainly avoid the horrible places !

When dd was about 3 she was bullied by a big boy of about 7 (he was literally feet taller than her) and had her cornered and was calling her "stupid ugly ginger-minger" - saying she was too ugly to be allowed on the slide and all sorts of other nasty stuff. Her friend came to fetch me as she was just out of my sight - and I went in to rescue her - I took the "Please don't be horrible to dd, she's only three and you are making her frightened" - the big boy ran off in tears to his mum and I spent the rest of the party hiding from his mum - who was looking for me - I even swapped cardi's with a friend and put my glasses on !!!! Some disguise eh ?

That day I decided that I was not going to soft play again ! I ahve though about 3 more times and alwasy tell dd to stick with a friend - safety in numbers I thought !

Hateful places !

I don't have to have my eyes on them constantly but nor do I sit down chatting and drinking coffee so 75% of the time at least I can see them so unlikely anything would happen without my knowledge.

Havent been to one of these places since once during the Summer. This threads reminds me of why I hate the places. DOnt think I'll be going again for a long time.

Of course I would have no problem with a teacher telling off child because when I drop ds off to school I accept the school's authority. Same happens if I leave kids with friends or parents.

What I object to is someone who I do not know rebuking my child.

Think we'll have to agree to disagree.

ok

waht would you do if your 4 yr old ds was 5 feet up in the air on a climbing frame and another child was trying to pull his feet off the frame and cause him to fall (in an outdoor playground, not soft play)

no time to find the mother IMHO, so I grabbed my ds and told the other child to stop it

What about when your child is 14 and vandalising a telephone box? Would you also object to someone you don't know rebuking them then?

For me, another adult rebuking my child is the other side of the coin of other adults looking out for my child and ensuring they are safe. If my child were being bullied on the way back from school, I'd want another adult to intervene and protect him / her. If they fell and hurt themselves, I'd want another adult to pick them up and comfort them and check they're OK. I can't expect other adults to do that, unless I also accept that when my kid is out of line and I'm not immediately available and obviously dealing with it (which is the case in many of these playcentres), they'll intervene then, too.

I would do the same as the OP. I'm not mean or nasty or shout. it's a 'do you mind' 'excuse me we don't do that' 'mind the baby' etc.

If my dd was doing something she shouldn't be doing she should be told, either by myself or another adult. wouldn't agree with shouting. Mind you I don't leave her unsupervised.

It's going to happen when she goes to school, so to be honest she will have to get use to taking direction from other adults. I don't want her to go to school and think she can be rude to other children, teachers and teaching assitants and get away with it because I haven't allowed someone to rebuke her (kindly) when required.

All young children hit, bite, push kick etc but they have to learn not to.

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If I'm honest, if I saw my child being told off by another adult, my first, childish instinct would be to bristle a bit inside - but this would quickly be replaced by mortification that I wasn't watching him properly, concern for the child who had been hurt and anger with my own child for being naughty when I know he knows better.

So I think those who are being precious about their child being reprimanded by another adult - swallow that initial feeling of affront that another adult is disciplining your child. You have brought it upon yourself by failing to supervise them properly. If you don't like other parents telling your child off for bad behaviour, make sure you are on hand to do it yourself, should the need arise.

If either of my two deliberately hurt another child they would be told off, made to apologise, I would apologise on their behalf and then we would leave. If they hurt another child accidentally they would be warned to be more careful and made to apologise, but we wouldn't leave.

But then I am a bit of a fascist about soft play, I have had my toddlers hurt by bigger, unsupervised children too often. I DO tell other people's children off if they're not vigilant enough to do it themselves. If they want to reserve the right to let their children behave like savages, they can keep them at home.

If ds is 14 and kicking in a phone box I would hope somebody would intervene.

But he is three and I would not want antoher adult rebuking him to the point that he ws upset. I would prefer that the adult came to me.

dh had to tell other child to stop as he was actively hitting our daughter. daughter could have been hurt whilst we hunted for an unsupervising parent. It wasn't like dh told the child off after the event, the child had to be stopped in order to protect our daughter.

Ooo, its a mixed bag isnt it?

Perhaps its the teacher in me, but there is no way I could let another child harm my child, or any other, whilst I sat and watched and said nothing

But the thing is zookeeper, is that your 14 year old ds would be so outraged that someone else is intervening (having been brought up to think no-one outside a formal setting has the right to tell him off) that he'll give the hapless intervener a mouthful of abuse, as he will genuinely think it's no-one else's business and the only people who have the right to intervene are either parents or police.

If my child is hitting someone and I'm not around then obviously I wouldn't expect the victim's parents to stand by whilst their child is being hurt. however,I do think that if the parent is near it is always better to go to the parent than approach the child, especially if the child is very young.

I don't think it follows that my ds will give people abuse in his teens if he is questioned or challenged.

What also annoys me is parents who get all over protective with their babies/toddlers when older ones like mine run around (7 and 9 yrs). The babies are not being watched and shouldn't be in the main over 4 area. Of course they are going to get pushed/shoved (accidentally as in bumped into) if they are in the wrong area.