Can I have the views of other parents on this situation please

[thefatfairy]

my dd 2.6 was punched deliberately by another child. my dh witnessed this and told the other child off for hitting our daughter. Next thing i know childs mum is shouting at me and dh for telling her child off and saying that we had ruined his day. She was not supervising her child at the time and did not see what happened. We were at an indoor play area, full of other children when she approached me and dh.

I only intervene if my child is being physically hurt and the parent isnt there.

Her first reaction was to look around the room. I kid you not. She didn't think of rushing to the bottom of the staircase where the little girl huddled in obvious pain. She didn't tell her son to come down immediately. She stood up and looked around the room to see of anyone else witness the incident. When her eyes met mine I said to her, "Your son pushed that girl down the stairs on purpose." She looked a little stunned and then called her son. At no time did she go over to the little girl to see if she was OK. The little girl told her mum (presumably - could have been a carer) "that boy pushed me" and the reaction was "it must have been an accident." The little girl said "no it wasn't, he pushed me." By this time the mother/carer had taken the little girl away from the apparatus, towards the table, whereby the mother of the boy called out, "he said it was an accident." With the boy in question back on the apparatus, I decided it was time to go home. As I paid up, I mentioned the incident to the manager. The following week, the manager informed me that the boy had gone on to push 2 other children down the stairs after dd and I had left, and thank me for informing her. Apparently the mother shut up and both left when the manager mentioned that I had already reported a previous incident.

I think your Dh did the right thing.

Sorry sunnysideup but i DON'T think its right for me to stand by if my child (or any other) gets hit.

I'm not saying I would scream and yell, or physically intervene but if another child hits DS even if its lightly I always say "Careful, you're hurting S-" or "please dont' hit S-, its not nice"

I know that other parents interfering with your kid can be annoying but for heavens sake surely as adults we have the duty to tell children that its not allowed to hit other children? we also have a duty as parents to protect our own kids. If DS saw me just ignoring an odler child who had punched him, what message would that send out?

he was three years old mum of helen - you're making him out to be a mad axe murderer in the making, fgs!

gah sorry addressed my response to wrong person. I meant Zookeeper

I'm not saying do nothing, I'm saying get the parent, not the child.

gods! mumofhelen I know how you must have felt - people tend to assume that kids that age can be left to 'play' without adult supervision with high climbing walls etc.

I've seen things like this although nothing as bad.

The idea of those places isn't a coffee morning for parents, they are very active, high energy playzones for kids. I go with DS but ONLY when I know it will be quiet and I watch/follow him as I would expect any parent with a preschooler to do.

If an older child hits or pushes my child they get told off.

I shouldnt have to do it, its their parents job, but often in these play areas the mothers are too busy drinking tea and eating cake.

It annoys me that I have to keep an eye on other peoples children as well as my own As their parents dont care what they are up to I sometimes have no choice.

A 3 year old is old enough to know that you don't push others down the stairs and that doing so is dangerous. How would you feel if you were that little girl or the girl's mother? Had it been a 'normal' set of staircase, she would have been seriously injured. In communual places such as indoor play centres, swimming pools, gyms, playgrounds, parents have a duty to ensure that children play safely and are aware of potential dangerous and the consequences of their actions. The original posters says "the child's mum is shouting at me and dh for telling her child off and saying that we had ruined his day." Well, what about the victim's day? What about the original poster's son welbeing? How would you like to be punched? How would you feel if it were your child who got punched? I can fully sympathise with original post.

I'm honestly not sure what your point is

you dh was right.

In these play areas it isn't easy to locate the parent or staff.

Your DH was absolutely right to do what he did, can't think how anyone could suggest otherwise. I hate the places, every time I go I think 'never again' then manage to forget the hell that they are and find myself back there a few months later! Last time I went my DTs and I were having lunch and DT2 fell off her chair, before I could pick her up another woman rushed over to see if she was ok - now that is interfering IMO, I was sitting right next to her FFS

My three yo would push someone down the stairs.

err I'm so pleased you said that, five. My 3 year old would kick them back up as well

But zookeeper, it would be very difficult to know which of the coffee guzzling women was the actual parent.

Well there you are. There are parents who are "so pleased" that their child harm other children. You find them on Netmums as well as indoor softplay centres.

notherclules I suppose you could ask the child (or look for the mother looking in the other direction!)

When I asked the child in an outdoor park once where his parents were, he said no one was with him. I had to walk round asking all the Asian adults (child was Asian) whose he was and eventually found his mum reading a magazine oblivious to her child.

Surely if the mum were looking over she'd be able to deal with it. Sadly they are usually too engrossed chatting.

that was meant to be a joke notherclules

ahhh, reread your post!

I disagree that I get annoyed if I see another adult tell my child off. I'm glad another adult is socially-minded enough to take some adult responsibility and adopt the role of an adult and to teach my child that I'm not the only one who has a right to challenge him/ her on their behaviour.

i told a 4 year old boy off for snatching at a soft play center, he snatched off a little girl I know and screamed in her face - "GO AWAY!"

I didn't shout or use tone, supervising adult was completely absent. I took the toy off him and said "Snatching is mean. We don't snatch. That little girl had that first" and tgave it back.

guess who got a mad squawking nanna turn up 5 minutes later?

"They all do it, you wait until yours is that age, their not babies forever" erm, my other child is that age, and he probably would do that if left completely unsupervised.

Strangly, her charge barely left my side for the next two hours - and every time he did something mean, I told him not to. So odd!

We recently had two little girls latch on to us at the swimming pool. One was about four and the other about seven. Neither could swim. I asked who was with them. Their Dad was in the steam room and Mum was having a coffee by the poolside. Nobody in the water with them. The older one was clearly uncomfortable telling me this. Dad emerged about 10 minutes later and said 'thanks' as if we'd been looking after them by arrangement. Mum ignored us throughout.