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Original poster

Can I have the views of other parents on this situation please

154 replies

thefatfairy · 20/12/2006 12:49

my dd 2.6 was punched deliberately by another child. my dh witnessed this and told the other child off for hitting our daughter. Next thing i know childs mum is shouting at me and dh for telling her child off and saying that we had ruined his day. She was not supervising her child at the time and did not see what happened. We were at an indoor play area, full of other children when she approached me and dh.

OP posts:
kittyschristmascrackers · 20/12/2006 21:18

It wasn't so long ago, before the arrival of Thatcher that there was much more a sense of belonging to a larger community. Children were 'looked' after and told off by a much larger group of people than simply their parents, think of park keepers, can you imagine kids today accepting a telling off from a 'stranger'? They'd beat him up and then sue him for crimes against their human rights.
We have become far too insular, there isn't a sense of group responsibility any more or of belonging and I think it really affects how we parent and how our children behave.

Original poster
thefatfairy · 20/12/2006 21:50

zookeeper - that's my point mum was not around and there was no way my dh was going to let our daughter get hurt.

OP posts:
Pitchounette · 20/12/2006 21:56

Message withdrawn

andaSOAPBOXinapeartree · 20/12/2006 22:03

Zookeeper - having been to many a soft play centre, I fail to see how you would ever know who the parent of misbehaving child is, to complain to the mum anyway! So practically it just doesn't work.

I have a good bellowing voice - so just used to bellow - 'Oi you - I'm watching you - pack it in' - with a good glare thrown in for good measure!

Sometimes I did it when it wasn't my child they were bothering too!

zookeeper · 20/12/2006 22:17

true - I've only ever been to a playgroup-sized one which is full of prissy women judging mothers on their kids' behaviour (think mumofhelen) and who spend the time issuing orders/warnings/ rebukes to the kids. It woudl bring out the worst in anyone.

Caroligula · 20/12/2006 22:24

But I'd much rather someone else issued a rebuke to my child, it would save me having to get up off my arse and leave my coffee and do it myself!

Mojomummy · 20/12/2006 22:28

I agree her DH did the right thing.

My DH does the same with our DD1 - 3 1/2. He also goes round the slides with her & enjoys it - I'm the coffee guzzling mum.

Still, on Monday I was at a soft play & found DD1 in the balls with tears streaming down her face. I told the mean boys if they carried on I'd be throwing balls at them

Mojomummy · 20/12/2006 22:29

I gotta say this.....ZOOKEEPER, you're getting on my t*ts

zookeeper · 20/12/2006 22:33

I'll live

JanH · 20/12/2006 22:37

Here is a child whose parents believed she could do no wrong.

zookeeper · 20/12/2006 22:39

eh?

Jimjams2 · 20/12/2006 22:41

my god janh- that's dreadful.

Caroligula · 20/12/2006 22:44

People like that are very very scary. I used to think you only got them on soap operas, but when you read stuff like this you realise that they are at large in the community as well. I wonder if soap operas created them...

Jimjams2 · 20/12/2006 22:49

I don't understand how toddlers are getting hurt in soft play areas by bigger children. Either the toddler is in the wrong area- in which case get them out, and don't moan if they get squished by bigger children, or the bigger children are in the toddler area- in which case ask them to leave.

Took ds1 (7) to soft play today. It is very very difficult to 100% supervise a post toddler child in soft play- I know because we had to do it. There were 2 of us with him (we went at a quiet time) and we still managed to lose him a couple of times- and that was with one person attempting to literally shadow him the whole time.

For that reason I think any adult should intervene as calmly a possible for unreasonable behaviour. But also neds to be remembered that a 7 year old boy dashing wildly around equipment is reasonable on the older play frames. The toddler areas are usually easier to supervise and if you want to keep your toddler safe from over-exicted pre-schoolers best to stick close by them.

poinsettydog · 20/12/2006 23:16

Bit harsh on zookeepr. Just a different opinion

Original poster
thefatfairy · 21/12/2006 08:57

I am trying to take on board everybody's virws on this.

JimJams2 I totally understand what you are saying, however my situation was between 2 children in their correct play area (both under 5)

JanH that story is really dreadful.

OP posts:
Original poster
thefatfairy · 21/12/2006 08:57

sorry meant views - too early in the morning

OP posts:
Jimjams2 · 21/12/2006 10:41

oh i know-that was in response to general comments on the thread- that;s why I put the last sentence in- the easiest way to keep your child safe when you can't guarantee the behaviour of other children is to stick right next to them. 4 year olds and 2 year olds are pretty different physically (my 4 year old would be completely out of place in the toddler bit and always messes along on the main frames) so to protect your 2 year old you have to stick next to them. You can't really expect 4 year olds to watch out for 2 year olds when they're over-excited themselves.

riab · 21/12/2006 13:09

wow thread doubled in size since last night,

zookeeper, I wouldn't actually expect someone to come and get me if they had told DS off for snatching. Its rare that he would be out of my sight anyway and certainly not at those soft play zones purely on health and safety grouns. I think up to the age of 5 children can still misjudge their own physical abiliites so much that in a soft play area with other kids around its too easy for accidents to happen to let them go unwatched.
Sorry but I do frown at those parents who seem to think a softplay zone is a timeout for them - if its not supervised by staff then your children are YOUR responsibility. You want coffee? arrange to have it somewhere where your kids are safe.

So what would i want to happen? DS is 21mo, if he snatched (which he does do) i'd expect any adult in the vicinity - especially the other childs mum/dad to gently take the toy away form him, give it bak to the other child and say 'we share' or 'we don't snatch'. I DON'T expect them to drag DS over to me and tell me?!? by the time they've done that the whole thing is out of proportion.
If he hit or bit someone deliberatly - never has yet and hope he never would. I'd expect any adult nearby to stop him and bring him over to me.

I guess the only occasion i would get peeved if someone told my child off is if they were OTT, ie yelled at him for snatching or if they seemed hell bent on assuming he was deliberatly hurting/misbehaving.
Maybe thats the problem, i havn't ever seen DS deliberatly hurt anyone and I guess i would find it hard to believe he would do so. If he was 3 and I got told he had deliberatly punched someone I would;
a) apologise to adult and child concerned
b) Take DS aside and ask him what happened, if I got a different story from him I might chose to chlalange the other parent but only if they were horrible or the story from DS was 'all of them were beating me up!'
c) if it was deliberate then we would leave, if it was an accident i would say he had to play close to me for 10 minutes until i was sure he had calmed down and wouldn't hurt anyone again.

zookeeper · 21/12/2006 15:26

The post asked for opinions and I gave mine. I really haven't the energy now for the increasingly personal attacks, patronising commnets and (wrong)assumptions that are being made about me.

zookeeper · 21/12/2006 15:37

I mean , Riab, have I ever said that I would expect someone to drag Ds over to me? FFS!

7swansaswimmingup · 21/12/2006 15:38

i would try and approach the parent, unless they looked "well hard" and i was too scared too!

zookeeper, i had a run in with you on a thread i started,think it was hindu temple, i thought you were getting at me but you actually werent when i read the messages back a week on. i think because youre quite straight talking you could upset people, buy hay ho its xmas and all that so dont worry about it

zookeeper · 21/12/2006 16:33

You're right, 7, often I post in a hurry which doesn't help but I don't deserve to be put down as a crap parent who ignores her little thugs whilst they beat the shit out of others .

(flounces off spilling coffee and leaving small kids crying in wake..)

7swansaswimmingup · 21/12/2006 16:40

zookeeper

now i hope that boiling hot coffee didnt burn your children!now that would make you a very bad parent

rydercup · 21/12/2006 16:46

Most children go through some hitting/biting/pushing phase at some point. The thing that annoys me about these places is that if you are aware that your child is going through one of these phases then you as a parent should keep a close eye on them and reprimand accordingly until the 'phase' passes. What really narks me is parents who fail to watch their children closely when they are in one of these 'phases' and their children go about serially hitting and kicking the entire time they are there. Believe you me, I have seen a child bite 3 children in the space of an hours play...where was mum...having a natter with her mates!! Grrrrrrrrr!!!