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Behaviour/development

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Advice sought on VERY reserved/hesitant 6 y.o dd

157 replies

Panboy · 12/08/2006 23:08

dd often appears dis-associated from what's going on around her..seems to live 'inside her own head' and sees the outside world as a bit of nuisance. Manifests in refusal to communicate on a fairly basic level at times ( when asked name, age etc, just ignores question, or mumbles an answer) - does have the ability, but chooses to not use it. Had always a 'far away' look, even as a v. young child, but now am more concerned as she gets older. eg in toy shops she stays firmly by my side, no spontaneity, and only seems to choose something out of 'duty'.
Have raised this with her mum, who remains in a denial over it despite the obvious evidences. OTher mums I know concur with me.
DO NOT wish for her mum to do/say anything differently, but am asking for any gambits/techniques/lines of approach I may use when out with her, or at my home?
This may raise some basic questions about life-arrangements, and if anyone wishes to enquire or offer a perspective, I am very open to expaining anything. Anyone??

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
FrannyandZooey · 19/08/2006 23:58

Good evening Pan, I promise I will make some sensible comments on here when I am in serious mode

Panboy · 20/08/2006 00:00

Thanks J. - not come across HSC as a 'condition', but in three short words it covers alot of her - will check this out in the liturature, without leaping, but thanks.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/08/2006 00:01

Ah ha.

Well, I hope you can make it. What is your line of work?

Panboy · 20/08/2006 00:01

Hi Frances! Hope evening was good.

Had lovely day with Lotte, sans veg.!!

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Panboy · 20/08/2006 00:13

My 'main-line' of work is with sexual abusers. Which I do see may be a bit controversial round here.(?).but I do love what I do, and wouldn't shy away from it.

I also manage a team of probation officers in a court, and provide assistance to colleages when in times of difficulty ( for my trade union/professional association)...the 18th Nov. will need a bit of planning.

(hope you do see the 'neaderthal' bit as a reaction to well-intentioned liberal types?!!)

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/08/2006 00:25

Not controversial as such. It is a very emotive subject, and therefore hard for many people to understand why anyone would want any association with sex offenders. It is something I would find difficutl to do (I would find it "easier" to work at the other end of the scale from you). When all said and dont though, it's a job that needs doing, and I wouldnt expect anyone to do a job (particularly in such an important field) if they weren't committed to it.

I know that someone else on here does a similar job to you, they dont discuss it much I have to say, but people rarely do discuss their day to day activities at work on here in much detail.

I hope you manage to sort something out for the 18th anyway.

I didnt read much into the neanderthal comment at all. Made me laugh

Panboy · 20/08/2006 00:30

Good.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/08/2006 00:32

Right, off to bed for me, am struggling to see because my eyes just dont want to be open anymore. Night x

Panboy · 20/08/2006 00:35

night.

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FrannyandZooey · 20/08/2006 07:59

"I am familiar with FrannyandZooey"

yes you are over-familiar with FrannyandZooey, let's face it

I have read, and pondered, and think yes she is obviously shy, and I liked fullmoonfiend's post very much. It would be natural for a perceptive girl of this age to be fairly reserved, if she is shy and does not live with you.

Children are so individual, and as they are more unguarded than adults, their eccentricities show up very clearly. In your position you have a uniquely objective view of her, which her mother won't have. Lotte is maybe quite an unusual person. When we find that in an adult, we usually accept it, I think. When we find it in a child (especially our own child), we worry, and want to label it and fix it.

What is it that you are most worried about? That she has something 'wrong' for which she needs help? That she is not happy? That she is going to be bullied? That you don't know how to 'reach' her?

I am so glad you have had some good times together lately. She does sound rather gorgeous, and winning the confidence of a shy person can be so rewarding.

jabberwocky · 20/08/2006 14:30

Pan, This is a good reference: The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them (Paperback)
by Elaine Aron

Panboy · 20/08/2006 14:52

Many, many thanks j. Am in the city (Manchester) this week so will check this out with Waterstones.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/08/2006 15:03

Lend us it when you're done with it, if you buy it Panboy

Ta muchly.....

Panboy · 20/08/2006 15:09

Tch...typical.....

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/08/2006 15:13

of.....?

Panboy · 20/08/2006 15:18

your general wonderfulness!!

just phoned Waterstones - they are ordering it for me - will be one week, and it will be heading darn sarf to yourself soon after.

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Panboy · 20/08/2006 15:20

Stop Press!! The Deansgate store have it in stock..will pop off now and get one.

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Panboy · 20/08/2006 15:21

VVV - shall I get you one or are you up for shares-es??

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/08/2006 15:22

Shares-es please.....if you don't mind of course....?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/08/2006 15:23

I'll sort you postage etc.

Panboy · 20/08/2006 15:25

no probs.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/08/2006 15:29

Why thank you.....

jabberwocky · 20/08/2006 18:05

You're very welcome. It has been very helpful to me in dealing with some of ds's little eccentricities

Panboy · 20/08/2006 18:34

Got a copy this pm - will check in later after dinner...

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Panboy · 20/08/2006 18:39

Also, VVV - need to step down as your unofficial groupie as

  1. You are far too prolific for me to do justice to you.
  2. Having trouble not making 'side-ways' comments on some threads you are on, and this would not be appreciated.
  3. Wish to spend my time more wisely reading this book.

catch you later.

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