Sick of my greedy daughter

[Orangeanddemons]

Dd is 7. She has always been greedy, but she is just intolerable now. We don't have any crap or junk in the house, as she was unmanageable around it.

She has eaten a large roast dinner 2 hours ago followed by yoghurt. She is now mithering and screaming that she is hungry. We try to ignore, but eventually you have to take a stand. She is like this every single day. Obsessed with food, nagging for food all the time.

I have had endless conversations about mouth versus tummy hunger, but it makes no difference. Nothing does. She just wants to eat all the time. I have tried to bring her up with a healthy attitude to food, but she is just obsessed with eating, so I have to restrict her.

We have 3 ds's too. None of them are like this. I am at my wits end

tumble dd2 is 91% percentile for both height and weight! Her df are all tall. She is only 9m.

Tinkertaylor that's fine then. My DC are tall too.

The OP's DD is on the 93rd percentile, which is overweight, according to this website.

Recap: She's either a healthy weight or very slightly over. She's eating proper food as you've wisely kept the junk away. Where, exactly, is the problem?

Ds1 has the opposite relationship to food and it is highly frustrating so I can understand your op!! He also has sensory issues highly sensitive to taste and texture. Perhaps giving your dd more highly tasty foods may help, and less carbs as others have pointed out. Apart from that, it is something to manage. Ds1 is 8 and I have no idea how he is going to mange when he is not under my roof, I guess he will be very thin. In the meantime I brainwash him about the importance of different types of foods and what nutrients they provide etc.

Nooka- I'm not talking about CHILDREN with eating disorders. There is nothing WRONG with this girl apart from lack of empathy, lack of exercise and her mother's labelling her as greedy and everything that goes with that. Children eat what they need.

For those saying, what's the problem? Op has managed this very well, but it is frustrating and time/ energy consuming. I can sympathize. My ds is just about ok on weight but its hard work. He has some mild sn, and food is one of the main ways it is expressed. With 2 other kids I am seeing this more and more clearly. op, it does help me when I understand it is not his 'fault' but is just a symptom of sensory and asd issues.

What NewBeginningSnoopy said.

new

You are very wrong. You can't say for certain there is nothing wrong with her. op already said she has sensory issues and the need to eat could be an extension of that.

Unless you are a dr and have examined her you can't make such claims.

New beginnings, if I left my ds to his appetite, he would eat very little. He could mange on a bag of crisps per day. He has been like this since small and really not due to anything I have or haven't done. Op had kids who have a normal relationship with food. Something in her dd's brain is different and its wearing hence the name calling etc. as long as dd doesn't hear it, its natural to get frustrated.

I say this about ds, as after I had twins, I was less'on top' of his eating (plus he was stressed) and he became very skinny and underweight over about 6 months. I remember celebrating when he ate some crisps after 4 days of eating nothing, he was 3. He needs to be managed (he only has crisps on picnics now).

I have only skimmed other people's responses so forgive me if I am repeating or misunderstanding. It sounds like your dd might have some sensory issues, and maybe these are accompanied by organisational issues which make it hard for her to fill her day. My DS2 has special needs (quite severely, you would be in no doubt if you met him) and part of this is very severe dyspraxia which makes it hard for him to organise himself. Food and mealtimes form an important part of his day because he can easily understand that and it helps him to know what time it is and give him something to do that he can join in with everyone on. He appears greedy and we often laugh at him asking what's for tea when he's halfway through lunch. But a lot of it is through lack of something else to talk about, boredom if he is struggling to entertain himself and comfort to do something he can manage himself. Actually if he's really happily playing e.g. with his train track, I have trouble to get him to come up to the table.

Obviously you would know if your daughter had such severe special needs as my Ds2 but I wonder if she is suffering from similar issues such as boredom, lack of ability to organise her day and that is making her gravitate towards food.

Can she occupy herself easily? Does she break off an activity she is enjoying to ask about food or is it more when she has nothing else to do?

Lack of empathy? lack of Kindness? Yeah right.

She is loved to death, is treated kindly and with empathy all the time, ALL the time.

I have tried to bring her up with a healthy attitude to food. We used to have treats in the house so they weren't treated as forbidden, but she was insatiable with them. As for a clean plate, I have never ever insisted on that, in fact it is one of my bugbears.

She is in a normal family with parents who love her to bits, and feel a bit overwhelmed by her demand for food. Just because I'm sick of her greed (and it is greed, not hunger) doesn't mean I'm horrid to her in any way.

It is very easy to be judgmental without knowing the situation. She is a normal happy LOVED but greedy child. If this is labelling her, well how else would I describe her? If allowed to, she overheats, and it is very very wearing keeping on top of it, all day every day.

The poster with the child who ate 3 bananas is the one who knows what it's like.

And she doesn't suck her thumb due to lack of kindness either. That is just laughable. [laugh]

oranges

Please ignore the ones trying to make out your some obsessive control freak who hates her own dd.

If that were true you wouldn't have posted asking advice. And haven't we al ranted in here before? It's what helps us keep calm and keep our composure in the wake if out children/job/dh driving us absolutely nuts!

You have three children and have an idea of what's normal and what isn't. Given the fact that by number 2/3 you are much more relaxed about things as their just isn't the time to be so fanatical about everything , if this is registering as a problem then I believe you are right to be concerned, and would have already had the intelligence to try distraction, changing diet etc.

The dr would definately be my next step.

op, I do think you need to watch the use of greed. She likely has some issues. Greediness is a choice. Hopefully she will learn herself to make the right choices but right now she is small to be coping with it. Please don't say it to her, it won't help. Also, do treat this beyond her control and do look into the sensory stuff.

OP- my DS who is 8 years old is exactly like your DD. I really feel your pain. It drives me crazy. He could eat all day if I let him. Holidays are very difficult, I feel like I am preparing snacks and food all day. My younger son is not like that at all.

I am these possible theories:
1- When I was pregnant with DS1 I had far too much sugar. I had borderline gestational diabetes which was not properly controlled by the bloody NHS. I believe those who said eat whatever you want, you can do that when you are pregnant! He in turn was a huge baby, and I do believe that what you eat during pregnancy has an influence on your child later on.
With DS2 I didn't make the same mistake (and my pregnancy was properly controlled), the difference in their attitude to food is very telling.

2- DS1 has special needs, sensory issues, general developmental delay. He has used food up to now as something he understand, can control, can join in. He can do much more now, but I think he is finding it hard to get rid of food as his main reason for living after all these years of finding it comforting!

3- DS1 goes to a special school, I have only met 2 other children with this same problem. The school has mentioned that one of the children has been diagnose with PRADER-WILLI syndrome. Could be something to look into.

I am getting worried, DS is not yet very overweight, but he has getting too large around the tummy area which is not good for his health. If he continues like this, he will be an obese adult, without a doubt. I urgently need to find a solution to the problem.

Timetoask
as you will see my post earlier, I have had some similar issues with my DS2 who is now 12. He is still slightly chubby, but is losing it now as he goes into puberty and his weight is now classed as healthy. Some things I found helped in trying to control his eating; they are probably things you do already but it has helped us and I want to pass anything on that would be useful. I hope they will also be useful to the OP. Give quite small portions then give seconds if he asks for more then he feels like he has had extra but only has had the same amount as you would have given him in the first place. Give fruit and low calorie things as snacks rather than prevent snacks altogether. Keep all drinks sugar free or skimmed milk. Try and get in as much activity as possible. This has been hard for us as Ds2 can't do very much as he is very severely dyspraxic. Try and limit food to specific meals and snack times and make this a clear timetable. As I say I feel like my Ds2 is growing out of it a bit more now, and has definitely slimmed down now he is a bit older so don't feel too despairing!

It is really hard with special needs children when it can be hard to find treats and rewards / bribes that are not food related! and when they don't really understand why they can't eat what they want.

She sounds like a normal child who's heading towards a growth spurt .
Op why don't you make her up a snack box for the fridge ... Fill it with lovely things like nuts , fresh vegetable crudités (cucumber ,carrots and pepper strips are good) with a nice salsa /tomato dip . Mabey hard boiled eggs ? Little pots of salad are good ,let your dd help herself to as much veg as she likes . When shes hungry offer her veggies and avoid too much fruit ,as its full of sugar . If its boredom that's driving her requests it will stop , if its genuine hunger then she will happily eat anything offered .

My kids drive me up the wall with their eating habits , but it's usually just phases .

She is overeating perhaps... yes. Why does this equate to greed which is a moral judgement of character vs a description of behaviour?

Your attitude stinks. You could want to deal with this for health reasons and I'd have every sympathy but you are making it about personality which is just so unnecessary!!

I think posters leaping on the use of the word "greedy" are being unhelpful, judgemental and goading.

I have a six ?ear old and an eight year old. Both skinny and active. They would both eat that and still be going.

For the poster who queried toast and cereal, Every day mine will have cereal and toast/crumpets etc for breakfast.

I think its a lot of food for me, Im also slim and I'd be full having eaten that but for them its the right amount and they'd still happily have more.

So I don't actually think your daughter is being greedy at all. I would offer her fruit though.

I agree ko

There's clearly an issue here, and she is worried about her dd. I think she was hoping that we would say it was just her being greedy but deep down I think she knows that there's more going on. I hope she hasn't been out off by the rude remarks and has been able to focus on the advice and support given.

I think that's often the danger if this place. If she's have come in and said her dd had eaten a whole box of cereal half a loaf if bread toasted , pizza ,jacket potato and beans and three bowls of soup with four slices if bread, someone would have come along and said "my dd eats three times that ". It detracts from the point that there is something wrong and op needs to go back to the dr.

I think a lot of the posters have been a bit harsh. My DD is 7 and that would be a lot of food for her. She's also very active- swimming, running, tennis, cycling- she never stops. She's the 50th percentile for height and the 40th for weight.

Yesterday she ate a bowl of porridge, apple, slice of toast with peanut butter, banana, ham and eggs, spagetti bol (lots of veg in it!) jelly with fruit, 2 glasses milk.

She often wanders past, saying she's hungry. She's allowed to help herself to fruit though- if she's really hungry she does. The general moaning is just because she fancies junk food!
To me the issue is that your daughters is not underweight, and could even be a little overweight. You can calculate average calorie requirements until the cows come home, but if she's getting plump then it is cause for concern. You can't dismiss the range in a whole shop as "coming up too small"- they do fit children, otherwise the shops wouldn't be in business!
I think you're doing the right thing not having junk food in the house. If it's not there she can't eat it. I think you just need to continue having conversations with her about making healthy choices. I'm sure you don't call her greedy to her face, and were just expressing frustration on MN. Good luck.

Lol at my attitude stinks . I don't give a shit about that. Yeah, it stinks so much I am trying my best to help my daughter. And it is part of her personality, she is demanding, and one of the ways she is demanding is through food. This isn't due to child abuse or locking her in cupboards, she was born that way. She was demanding from day one- I think the term is spirited

Interesting what someone said about pregnancy. When I had ds who is btw as skinny as a rake, I craved sugary stuff all through pregnancy. He isn't interested in seat things at all.

When I was pregnant with dd I craved cucumber and salad. However my dm died when I was 28 weeks, and I just couldn't eat after that at all. I tried my best, and drank a lot of milk to compensate for lack of appetite. I do wonder if that affected dd, but it was a well nourished pregnancy until then

No, I don't call her greedy to her face. Last night after tea which finished about 6, she went in the fridge and ate 1/2 a full Camembert cheese!