Sick of my greedy daughter

[Orangeanddemons]

Dd is 7. She has always been greedy, but she is just intolerable now. We don't have any crap or junk in the house, as she was unmanageable around it.

She has eaten a large roast dinner 2 hours ago followed by yoghurt. She is now mithering and screaming that she is hungry. We try to ignore, but eventually you have to take a stand. She is like this every single day. Obsessed with food, nagging for food all the time.

I have had endless conversations about mouth versus tummy hunger, but it makes no difference. Nothing does. She just wants to eat all the time. I have tried to bring her up with a healthy attitude to food, but she is just obsessed with eating, so I have to restrict her.

We have 3 ds's too. None of them are like this. I am at my wits end

OP - why haven't you responded to The many helpful replies asking if you've sought medical opinion? There is some good insight on this thread. Feed her if she's hungry. Go to your GP of you haven't already. But by refusing food you are making it into a battle.

I went out!

Right, she doesn't eat 1200 calories a day, she eats more than that. Have checked on nhs website, and see she should be eating nearer 1800 which is nearer what she is eating.

I'm not sure of her weight and height, but she is as tall as a 9-10 year old. However, it is a struggle to get some clothes to fit round her tummy. She fits Next and Boden, but struggles with H and M. Some age 11 skirts were a bit tight round her tummy. She definitely isn't fat, but she is more well covered than all her friends who seem such slim delicate little things.

I think it is the oral stimulation she likes. She sucks her thumb and it has been almost impossible to get her to stop.

By choice she isn't very active, we try to make her be more active but her natural inclination is to be very inactive

She's demanding about everything! Very!

If look at getting her to eat more protein and less carbs op. Sandwiches only satisfy for an hour or two, try bacon and scrambled eggs instead of bacon sandwich, it works for me!

Also, try having a healthy see through snack jar, which you put in the days snacks and don't deviate.

I'm just concerned as she seems to be getting plumper and plumper.

I would never deny her food, but she just seems unable to regulate her appetite, and eats because she enjoys it. This is good of course, but she seems to excessively enjoy it, and is never satisfied.

MadameDefarge gave good advice about increasing the protein content of your DDs diet - her diet seems quite carb heavy (fruit and veg are quite carby too) so increasing the protein may help and making sure she's drinking enough water.

Does she have any other issues?

If the food is about oral stimulation then an Occupational Therapist might be worth talking to.

You are right not to ignore signs that she might become overweight. H&M do seem to come up on the small side though. I think they are a French company and children are smaller in France.

Definitely make her meals protein rich though. It's worth lookinh at the research out there about protein and how it is an appetite suppressant.

It isnt easy when you have a child qho doea this. My DS is exactly the same and is autistic. ...no stop button at all.

I'd recommend this book - Preventing Childhood Eating Problems: A Practical, Positive Approach to Raising Children Free of Food & Weight Conflicts

I think the fact that many posters disagree whether your daughter is eating the right amount or not shows that everyone is different! Just because your other children didn't need this much doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your daughter.

My son used to use food as a control at bedtime ("I'm hungry so you can't put me to bed") so we came up with a solution together - after 7pm he can only have plain toast or plain biscuits, after 8pm there's nothing.

If your daughter picks up on your struggle with her food intake, this will only get worse. Greed isn't a helpful word to use at all. If she's hungry, she's hungry and if she's not then it's a non-verbal communication that something is wrong.

I have worked for a long time with women who struggle with disordered eating patterns which can be traced back to exactly this sort of thing.

Apart from bedtime, I don't restrict what my sons eat. If they want chocolate at breakfast, they have it - along with a reminder question to check that chocolate will be enough to last til lunch time. I don't restrict snacks either but encourage them to eat enough at meals so they're not constantly back in the kitchen. They eat an overall balanced diet. My rule is that it has to be on a plate sat down at the table with no distractions. They are both about 95th centile for height and 75 for weight, so not overweight, and not the most active either.

Take her to your GP if you're concerned but I'd imagine that if you drop the rope in this tug of war, after a little while your daughter will stop too.

H&M are definitely on the small side round the waist.

I think it is the oral stimulation she likes. She sucks her thumb and it has been almost impossible to get her to stop.

Random thought - could she have a tongue tie? DDs orthodontist had a TT specialist in once and it turns out DD has one. Apparently it can lead to an increased need for oral stimulation as the tongue doesn't do the job. She seemed to think this was why DD started sucking her thumb as soon as I stopped breastfeeding her.

Apart from that, perhaps being hungry and not being allowed food is just as unpleasant for her as her demands are for you. She isn't doing it to annoy you.

Could be Prader Willi Syndrome. Do get your dd checked with GP

I would try loosing the carbs at breakfast and give her bacon, eggs, beans, sausage, full fat yogurt, berries, a few nuts etc. With her baked potato at lunch serve cucumber, carrot, pepper sticks with a small pot of houmus or cream cheese for dipping, cherry tomatoes, lettuce, home made coleslaw etc and I agree with the poster who advised giving snacks that go a long way. A bowl of popcorn, crudités with a dip, bowl of blueberries, fresh juice ice lolly etc. then if she is still hungry she could have an apple, pear or babybel. Make sure she drinks plenty water.

My ds's wouldn't be satisfied with a baked potato and cheese on its own. If I didn't offer side dishes with it they would want pudding or chocolate afterwards.

Some people need more food than others. I think you should stop labelling her as 'greedy' - you will make her feel bad for something she cannot help and what is normal for her.

I would also say that what you describe her eating is not a huge amount and I say that as someone in a family where we all eat like birds compared to most!

I would say you need to give her more healthy but calorific snacks between meals. If she is not overweight then she obviously needs this food.

I wouldnt say H&m are in the small side. Everything we have bought comes up huge.

I definately advise gp and asking for a referral to a dietitian.

And getting blood test to check thyroid levels etc

op, you need to find clothes that fit your daughter, rather than the other way round! Also, stop comparing her to her friends. Everyone's different. And upping protein will really help her to feel fuller for longer.

Thanks for replying.

I would say if it's demanding about everything then perhaps a timetable that is visual will work? I suggest this because many of us with children who have ASD also have children who need the oral stimulation and have no food off switch - visual timetables work well with children who have an ASD so it may work for your DD. It will remind your DD when she will get the thing she needs to satisfy whatever it is she needs to satisfy iyswim? So breakfast is on there, offer feral, toast, yoghurt and fruit. Ensure there is a time for breakfast - so say half an hour and after this she then has getting dressed, washing, TV time, time for school for example. Then after school have a snack as a timetabled thing when you get in. Then have it visually what she can do next and when the next meal is. It gives you something to show her and acts as a reminder to her. I would perhaps try the snack box idea for when she has her snack times - so only have in there what you want her to have but she has the control over what she eats iyswim? It won't work overnight but it should.

My friends DD who is like a rake and not tall for her age use to constantly ask for food but would only eat a little of it. She is also a very demanding child. Some people just have that personality. Since her DD has discovered playing out with friends etc she eats less throughout the day as occupied and eats a proper meal. She does however still play up at mealtimes because she is an attention seeker - so it's not a food issue but becomes a food issue because the issue centres around mealtimes iyswim?

(Ps I'm not suggesting your dd has ASD as nothing you've posted hints at that - just the strategy may work)

I think the fact you want to solve this means it's likely you'll work at it until something you try works.

I think it is the oral stimulation she likes. She sucks her thumb and it has been almost impossible to get her to stop.

Does she exhibit any other sensory issues - noise, light, vibration , touch etc ? Sometimes that can impact on appetite or coincide with a very sensitive mouth (think of babies mouthing everything as they explore). Is her language and speech typical , could she be confusing hunger with say boredom and need distracting.

How much exercise does she do? Ds would spend his day out on his bike if he could and doesn't seem to get tired. He does eat a lot but will stop when he is full even if it means leaving one spoonful of his favourite food.

I would see the GP and see if there is any underlying cause. Dietitian may help but it depends on whether they are any good or not. I know someone whose dc was referred to a dietitian because they were underweight (aged 4). She was sent away with a recommendation to feed her dc chocolate, chips and full fat coke. Not helpful at all.

There are complex networks of chemicals and hormones that tell us when we are full and need to stop eating. In some people these are less actives or slow which can lead to overeating. Just in the same way people feel hot/cold and the signals thebrain recieves that tell us we need to put on a jumper or turn the heat down.

But of course eating habits are determined by both biological factors and environmental factors. I think it is just a case of finding out what works for that person.

OP I would find some thing acive she is prepared to do - even if it is just larking about - that is one habit that needs to be developed.

larking about in the swimming pool i.e. playing tag

I agree..You need to find a way to get her to exercise regualry...I wonder if it isn't about food is she is very demanding all the time....

Before anything else you do need to eliminate any physical causes...

At 7 you need to be finding a way for her to develop a love of exercise whether you take her to swmimming lessons, gymnastics, dance...Or go for family walks, I took my DS ice skating yeaterday something we don't often do but her love it , roller discos, riding bike, scooter...You have to find what interests her...

What is she doing all day if not exercising? My son's behaviour seems to start going downhill if he doesn't do anything physical for a few days... Some don't like structured but will run round soft play, at the park,

Without figures it is hard to know if she is overweight...Some girls are stocky not delicate..doesn't make them overweight... If you think she is just gaining then it does need looking at but my Ds will go out then up..Are there breaks in when she is hungry, does she eat less after a day at school. does she have school dinners because the portions are tiny there, my son wants school dinners but was far less hungry when he came out of school with sandwiches

I really wouldn't worry about her not fitting one brand of clothes - mine could never wear next, at the time they were far too narrow (the clothes, not the DC!) so we just didn't shop there - at no point did it cross my mind that I needed to thin my kids!!

If she is the height of a 10 yo, it's possible that her body is preparing early for puberty, which may also explain why she seems to be plumping a little (that old puppy fat thing ;-) )

That said, if you suspect this is the case, you should get the gp to check it out. It's reasonably normal for girls to need deodorant etc from 8-10, but any other signs of precocious puberty should be looked at and potentially treated.

She has mild sensory issues. Think the Sensitive Child. Hates socks, hats anything close to her head. Wakes easily, always has done.

She doesn't enjoy exercise much despite our best efforts. Although went swimming today which she loves.

Maybe she is building up for the puberty growth spurt, but she is only 7 1/2 and shows no other signs. I do know that I developed breasts very early, say 8 or 9, although didn't start my periods until I was 12.

Perhaps I am expecting too much, but I just have never seen a child as mad our food as she is!

mouthing is a classic sensory issue.