I give up, i really do. (long sorry)

[tamba]

I am so upset and you will probably all think it is a really trivial reason but its the build up of it happening every morning for the past month and i just give up now cause whatever i do it doesnt work.

We struggled to buy this house and spent hundreds of pounds decorating it as it was a mess when we bought it.

We repapered all the rooms and had new carpets put down etc, but now i wish i hadnt bothered.

We did the boys room in bob the builder paper, with a border and stickers... the first night they slept in there, they ripped the boarder off, found a crayon in the toy box and scribbled on the walls and ripped some of the paper from the walls.

They also found a crayon and coloured on the new sofas and walls in the living room (where they keep getting the crayons from i dont know!!)

The upstairs hall was a lemom colour - it is now covered in crayon and i cant get it off.

The main problem is the bathroom though, this is what has really got to me. Ds1 would go into the bathroom before waking us up, he turns on the taps, shreds the toilet roll, smears toothpaste and sudo cream everywhere, ds2 plays in the toilet and gets totally wet.. so we got stairgates, one on the bathroom door and one on the bedroom (to stop him sneaking down stairs and trashing the kitchen - eggs in the washing machine etc) but he climbs over them. Every morning they are wet and the bathroom is a state.

This morning he got in the bathroom bin - i had been on my period all week so there were used sanitary towels in there - they were playing with them, it was so discusting, they were even down the toilet, in the boys bedroom, and i still think there are some missing, they shredded the toilet roll and there are lumps of wet tissue everywhere.

Hes 3.5 so not a baby (ds2 is 20 months and is dragged over the stairgates to help trash the bathroom) What more can i do to keep him out the bathroom? I seriously give up - what is the point of trying to give them a nice home, so much money wasted, the house looks worse than it did before we moved in.

Theres a pile of stuff for me to sort out in the bathroom now and i cant be bothered, i just want to cry.

Sorry this is long.

Great news tamba! Long may it continue.

tamba, stupid question, but have you tried FLASH crayon sponges yet? All supermarkets have them (2 in each pack). Our dd (2.5) doesn't draw on walls but we used it for bath crayons and it washed off with one stroke - as on the advert! Brilliant stuff. I imagine it would work wonders on walls as that's what it was designed for - worth a go.
Oh, and good luck with your kids - I hope you resolve it all before Xmas so you all have a stress free time.

I am so angry and so upset. If i go near my son I am seriously going to hurt him. I am upstairs at the moment because i know that if I go near him I will smack him and although i hink he deserves a bloody smack, if i hit him i wont stop. I am so ashamed to say that but it is true.

There is shit smeared all over my walls. All over my carpet, all over the clothes he has taken from his drawers and thrown around the landing. It is smeared over his toys.

Dh is scrubbing the walls atm.

What have i done to deserve this sort of behaviour? I have loved him, I know I am a good mom, I havent spoilt him. He gets all the attention he wants.

I dont know what to do anymore. I cant cope.

Oh God tamba.

I admire you so much. I WOULD have smacked him. Hard.

What happened? Did he wake up before you again?

Yep, I dont know why he doesnt call us when he wakes up. Its almost like he is deliberatly quiet so we dont hear him. Its not like me and dh never get up either - He gets out of bed at 4am and stupid times like that.

I am seriously considering taking him to see a child psychologist cause he never acted like this at our old house (but then he was younger and couldnt get over stair gates)

but I am totally lost to what to do. He has no cbeebies, no toys, no sweets and only water in his beaker (he usually has milk shake) He was told he could come shoppping with me today if he was good but he hasnt been so I am taking ds2 instead.

I havent done any christmas shopping for the boys yet because i really dont want too.

Tamba - I am not trying to incite violence in you, just admire your restraint.

Faced with the mess in those photos and what you've just described I would have skelped his arse... I would.

But on a more helpful note, I think you would be wise as you've mentioned to seek some help with his behaviour.

tamba I feel for you, try and stay strong, and remember this to shall pass

Tamba - he's fighting back to see if your boundaries will hold firm. keep calm, keep strong, let him see you take something away - on whatever system you are using - for the mess this morning.

You have to let him see you calmly and firmly take something away and explain why you are doing it.

Have you put a ridgid system in place that heknows about? he has to know in advance what the consequences of behaving badly and well are - don't just impose sanctions ad hoc. Set up the system.

He is testing you - if you lose it you have lost, and his behaviour will deteriorate even worse.

Tamba - athought - how much sugar are they having? Are they being fuelled into this stuff? I was just thinking about the milkshake he usually has....and maybe introduce fish oils, fast? Cut down all sweets - not as punsihment but as healthy diet, cut our sugary drinks, water, milk or dilted pure juice, gibe savoury food and snacks.

Good luck....deep breath, stand firm.

I too would have smacked my child if i had woken to that. I have just read through this thread, and cannot believe how bad it's been for you. If it was me i would go and see proffesional help, it can't go on, and it's geting you down (as it would anyone) and is spoiling your relatonship with your son.
I thought my ds2 was bad. I actually phoned my mother once when my husband was away and told her i was going to take him to a children's home and leave him there. Her and my stepdad drove 6 hours to my house and took both ds away for a week to give me abreak

I agree with blu too, whatever you do, don't lose it. Stick absolutely to what you are doing. But I am afraid it was me, I would buy an absolute bare minimum for xmas presents. And I would make it clear the reason why he wasn't getting much.

He is still in his bedroom

\he was bathed this morning and then left there - he has gone to sleep. He knows that his brother is downstairs watching cbeebies, going to the shop with daddy and playing with toys.

He told me he is sad - its breaking my heart but if i give in and let him downstairs to play with his brother then i have gone back on what i said i would do.

The problem with taking all the toys away is that it would be punishing his brother who has done nothing wrong.

I asked him why he did it and he said he was bored - but thats no excuse for smearing poo everywhere. I told him he should wake mommy up (he gets up about 4am and does it )

He drinks alot of milkshake (the nestle powder stuff) and doesnt have fizzy pop - he does eat choccie and sweets though but not today cause he has been naughty. He doesnt have squash either and today will only be having water.

It is killing me to be so tough on him - I have sat in my bedroom and cried. DH is brilliant, he is downstairs with ds2 and cleaned everything up this morning whilst i have just been a mess!

I love my boys so much but sometimes i would love to be free again, i guess thats part of being a parent.

He has had a few late nights lately, so maybe his behaviur is worse because of that. Its so strange cause apart from first thing in the morning he is a lovely, polite, well behaved little boy, every one always compliments me on how well we are bringing him up. If only they knew!

Why not speak to your gp and see who you could get referred to? Just talking it through with a professional would make you feel slightly better, and you would hopefully get some good advice. Could you get an appointment before xmas?

I think the milkshake is probably full of sugar but in the past i have decided that its good that he is drinking so much milk but will cut down on the milkshake and all other sugary foods.

Its just first thing in the morning when he wakes up. What do you think of doing a star chart and keeping it in our bedroom so when he wakes up he can come and put the star on (and wake me up!) so I am aware he is up and can occupy him and then he wont distroy everything? A weeks worth of stars and he gets a little something?

He is curled up in his bed looking so sad. I want to give him hugs and kisses and make him happy again. I went and talked to him earlier and explained that mommy loves him but is very disappointed and explained why he would be spending the morning in his bedroom.

And my whole house stinks!

how would it work if you had 2 stair gates - one as usual, and the other above it so they can't climb over? it would look crap but it may be a solution until you find out what to do.

Oh, sympathies! How absolutely awful for you.
I think you are doing really well. The star chart thing might work but being really firm and showing you mean business feels right.
also, TODAY, go to a hardware shop and find something to fix to his bedroom door that rings a bell when it opens - like on a shop. Or rig something up.

like this

Tamba - have you looked at why he's waking so early? maybe that might help you tackle it...when does he go to bed? what sort of thing is he eating/drinking before bed? Is he waking because he needs the loo and so on?
Otherwise I've found star charts very useful with dd (3.5) and used it to get her to stay in bed until 7am - combined with the bunny clock.

Tamba what about a chain on the door to his room? so he can open it a little bit and call you if he wants to go to the loo.

i think the star chart is a good idea but ideally you don't want him coming and waking you up and then you having to distract him - that makes it seem as though it's ok for him to be up at 4. I'd do stars for him staying quietly in his room until he hears you get up and put a few things he can do by his bed so that if he wakes before you do he can entertain himself.

Could he be waking early because he's cold - that's one reason mine have started waking at that time.

Tamba, maybe you could find a way to wake up before he does, by sticking bells at the top of the bedroom door or anything you can think of that could make enough noise when he opens the door. Then you can catch him before he does anything nasty, and take him to the toilet or back to bed. Just an idea.
Stick to your guns, you've done great so far.

He wakes up really early, makes a mess and goes back to bed!

The alarms for the door look great but are too expensive, I will look for a cheaper version - thanks for the link.

He usually goes to bed about 7.30pm but recently has been up til later - guess we are having sleeping problems too! He is often found asleep in the landing and his brother on the bedroom floor as they wake in the night and ds2 gets out of the cot, ds1 turns on the lights... you know the rest!

I was so pleased yesterday when he had behaved, and then today we were almost back to square one (well he didnt go in the bathroom! that much has sunk in at least) I am going to superglu a nappy to him at this rate to stop him pooing on the floor! If he goes in the potty then him or his brother just play with it [yuk emotion]

Why cant he just call me when he needs the toilet????

Thanks for all your advice. Hopefully tomorrow morning will be better.

meant to say - he wears a fleecy all in one thing to stay warm in the night and goes to bed with a drink of hot chocolate (yes i know more sugar )

Is there anyway i can make him poo later in the day instead of first thing in the morning? Is that possible? cork up it?

Have you thought about consulting the sleep lady, Andrea Grace? It costs about 100 quid but she comes to your house for a consultation and is then available on the phone/email for 3 months to help support you through the changes you're making...just a thought. I found her a godsend (albeit for a different problem) - and she's really gentle and sympathetic too. She would help you get them both sleeping in their beds through to a normal waking hour and that might help the situation alot.

wooohoooo you were the 100th poster!!

you win.... my ds for a whole week!!!!

Just CAT me your address and... No?..Didnt think so! lol

I will talk to dh about the sleep lady, but i think it will be too expensive - worth looking into though, thank you xx