I give up, i really do. (long sorry)

[tamba]

I am so upset and you will probably all think it is a really trivial reason but its the build up of it happening every morning for the past month and i just give up now cause whatever i do it doesnt work.

We struggled to buy this house and spent hundreds of pounds decorating it as it was a mess when we bought it.

We repapered all the rooms and had new carpets put down etc, but now i wish i hadnt bothered.

We did the boys room in bob the builder paper, with a border and stickers... the first night they slept in there, they ripped the boarder off, found a crayon in the toy box and scribbled on the walls and ripped some of the paper from the walls.

They also found a crayon and coloured on the new sofas and walls in the living room (where they keep getting the crayons from i dont know!!)

The upstairs hall was a lemom colour - it is now covered in crayon and i cant get it off.

The main problem is the bathroom though, this is what has really got to me. Ds1 would go into the bathroom before waking us up, he turns on the taps, shreds the toilet roll, smears toothpaste and sudo cream everywhere, ds2 plays in the toilet and gets totally wet.. so we got stairgates, one on the bathroom door and one on the bedroom (to stop him sneaking down stairs and trashing the kitchen - eggs in the washing machine etc) but he climbs over them. Every morning they are wet and the bathroom is a state.

This morning he got in the bathroom bin - i had been on my period all week so there were used sanitary towels in there - they were playing with them, it was so discusting, they were even down the toilet, in the boys bedroom, and i still think there are some missing, they shredded the toilet roll and there are lumps of wet tissue everywhere.

Hes 3.5 so not a baby (ds2 is 20 months and is dragged over the stairgates to help trash the bathroom) What more can i do to keep him out the bathroom? I seriously give up - what is the point of trying to give them a nice home, so much money wasted, the house looks worse than it did before we moved in.

Theres a pile of stuff for me to sort out in the bathroom now and i cant be bothered, i just want to cry.

Sorry this is long.

Also the new carpets in the upstairs walls are ruined as when they decorated with sudo cream they then walked it all over the place.

Have you tried all the Little Angels/Supernanny methods of discipline?

I wouldnt know where to start- i havent watched the shows.

In every other way they are really good kids (apart from bedtime maybe) i just dont understand why this has to happen every morning??? I asked him why he does it and he just blames his brother (who it cant be as he cant even reach the door handle)

I would start with taking toys away - on Little Angels they put them in clear plastic boxes. They do the naughty step too but I think the seriousness of the crime demands for toys to be taken away!!! Where are you when the wreckage happens? Probably trying to cook for them?!!!!

Can you not lock the bathroom door from the outside.

Its usually really early in the morning when they get to the bathroom whilst im asleep. There bedroom is next to the bathroom anhd instead of waking up and shouting for mommy or daddy, its almost like he gets up really quietly so i dont hear him. As soon as i wake up i jump out of bed to check hes still asleep, i keep waking up at 4 or 5 in the morning cause i think 'omg what if hes awake already'

can a 3 yr old be sneaky? he even shuts doors behind him so i cant hear! The living room gets wreaked when im cooking. I dont mind toys every where as they are kids and in no way am i a neat freak or anything like that but pulling the wall paper off the wall!!

I cant believe I am crying over this!

We have stair gates on every door of our house - its like a prision! but he climbs over them.

We thought f putting a lock on and will probably have to do that, but he shouldnt be so distructive and I cant work out why he does it!

have to go so short post sorry

but that behaviour would simply NOT be tolerated in our house

I would freak and dh would put them up for adoption

3.5 is plenty old enough to realise this is wrong wrong wrong

NO MORE CRAYONS - AT ALL, until they learn how to use them. I would take ALL their toys away apart from one until they learned to behave.

Do you really tell them off when you catch them at it, do they get punished or do you just get upset?

What about bolts on all the inner doors, at adult reaching up level, so they can't go anywhere but downstairs into the hall, their bedroom, or your room....

sounds like habit ,what do you do when they trash .

sounds like habit ,what do you do when they trash .

OMG are you me??? My house looks terrible, and I'm moving in a few weeks so have to sort it out or the council won't move me. All the walls are scribbled on, There is makeup and nailvanish on all my walls too. They flood the bathroom nearly every day, the other day we had water pouring through the kitchen ceiling that will teach me for thinking they could be trusted upstiars after school
They wreaked my hallway carpet by pouring suncream and fabric conditor all over it, and they regualrly squeeze all the toothpaste out, I now have it up high.

sounds like habit ,what do you do when they trash .

I get really cross and shout at them until they cry! then ds starts saying hes sorry over and over again. I havent taken toys away from them before - they have so many! but i will do in the morning when the inevitably do it again. (is it too late to do it now as i have shouted at them and they think its forgotten?)

We have stair gates on all the doors and at the top and bottom of the stairs, I will put a lock on the outside of the bathroom, but there are no doors in the house other than the kitchen one and the 2 bedroom ones. I have stopped them getting up and trashing the kitchen as he doesnt dare climb over the gate at the top of the stairs.

They are really good in other ways - i can take them out for a meal and know they will behave, they are great in supermarkets - so why do they do this???

As for crayons - i thought i had found and binned them all weeks ago - god knows where they keep finding them!

We have some clear boxes that i could store the toys in, so i can do that.

Am supposed to be putting the christmas tree up today but have put it off as i know it will get wreaked, I am dreading it.

Your 3.5 year old is old enough to sit him down and have a SERIOUS discussion.

You also have GREAT threats to use at the moment. Xmas tree, xmas toys etc. You may have to be REALLY REALLY tough but I would tell him that if he wrecks the tree you will take it down and there will be no tree for Xmas.

Then get a sticker chart or make one - get him to help you. Then every morning when he wakes up he must come and tell you he is up and NOT use the bathroom on his own. Every morning he does this you give him a sticker. End of week a treat.

I am not surprised you are crying - I would be too. Mind you DS would be black and blue by now if it was done in my house!

Tamba - this does sound very awful for you, and i honestly think that now is the time to let DS1 know what is ok and what is not - and ds2 is at abut the right age to start giving positive instruction, e.g 'crayons on paper...only on paper - and remove them without fail if they stray a tiny bit.
DS1 must know he is being destructive and wrong - is he doing it for attention, or to wind you up, or because he is bored, do you think?
The Supernanny system is, afaik, remove all his toys except 10, which are left out. Explain that toys and toys alone are for paying with - and for playing with nicely. Every time he plays 'not nicely' i.e causing any damage or destruction with toys or with household objects, 1 of the ten toys goes in a plastic box, out of reach. He can see it, but isn't allowed to pay with it. Every day he plays noicely or does no damage at all, he can get a confiscated toy back. You have to be absolutely consistent and organised about this, and not let anyhting at all go by.

I relly thnk it is worth doing this rather than using gates / locks etc. it will also ensure a good example is set for DS2.

Good luck - I am not surprised you are in tears, the bedroom incident would have had me at the end of my particular tether.

I think it might be too late to take their toys away today, but you can definitely explain to them what's going to happen tomorrow if they trash again.

Get some boxes ready for their toys, keep talking to them about it and talk about how nice it is to be able to have lots of toys, but how sad it is when they have to be taken away because they can't behave.

Blimey, tend to agree with Enid and BudaBabe - shouting clearly isn't working so you need some new strategies, such as a star chart with a star or smiley face for each morning when he stays in bed or plays nicely and toy confiscation on a grand scale for this wanton destruction. I'm amazed! When he manages a morning without destruction, big praise. Also, can you talk to him about stuff he can do if he wakes up early that isn't destructive?

I just went to get the clear boxes out of there bedroom - and they are caked in sudo cream and toothpaste and soggy tissue. Looks like i didnt check in there thouragly after this mornings bathroom trashing.

I have no idea how he gets to the toothpaste etc as it is all in the bathroom cabinate - he must stand on the sink

Also found a used sanitary towel in the babys cot.

Anyone have the number for social services cause i am honestly going to strangle the little buggers.

Not suprised you are crying, I couldn't cope with that. I agree with the others - reinforce the good behaviour and make sure there are very very clear consequences for the bad behaviour. Work out in advance what you are going to do on this front so you are prepared when you need to use it. Warn in advance what will happen if certain behaviour occurs whilst you're not looking, or give a warning when he is misbehaving in front of you. Consistency is the key and finding something that will hit where it hurts so to speak - time out in her room is no punishment whatsoever for my 7 year old, she likes nothing better than being sent to her room. Also, make sure you have locks on all the cupboards you can until they get more sensible and the fridge too . I would put a high up lock on the bathroom for the moment and any other rooms you don't want them in.

Oh, I'd probably have dumped ds on social services if he did this!

omg poor you im not suprised you are in this state i would do the whole toys confiscation thing but also put a lock on the bathroom door if they need the toilet they will have to come and get you first (i did think you could put a potty in their room or on the landing but they would probably just tip it everywhere, maybe you could have one in your room so you know whent hey have used it so you can empty it and take them to wash their hands) is there anyone around that can have the kids for the day so you can get the mess cleaned up n sort their toys out and then have a relaxing bath? as for the sudocream everywhere my dd1 covered my settee with a whole tub when she was about 2/3 i rang my dad in tears asking him to take her away and he came round with some cleaning stuff he'd bought off QVC called THRUST (honestly it worked a treat i also used it the week after when she covered the chair in butter!!!)

Good luck hope you gett he mess sorted and that they start to behave better for you.

Tamba - I just wanted to say that I think your reaction is entirely to be expected - I'd go la-la if my dd (same age) did this kind of thing - you poor thing - all that hard work.
I echo the consistency point - decide on what route you're going to go down and stick to it come what may, make sure your dp is totally on board too.
If it was was me there'd be no Christmas tree until tomorrow morning's behaviour had been exemplary.
Also I think you need to get super tough now or it's only going to get worse the older and more adept they get physically and mentally. You're the grown up here and this is not trivial, it's their home for goodness sake and they need to learn to respect it.
Good luck.