I give up, i really do. (long sorry)

[tamba]

I am so upset and you will probably all think it is a really trivial reason but its the build up of it happening every morning for the past month and i just give up now cause whatever i do it doesnt work.

We struggled to buy this house and spent hundreds of pounds decorating it as it was a mess when we bought it.

We repapered all the rooms and had new carpets put down etc, but now i wish i hadnt bothered.

We did the boys room in bob the builder paper, with a border and stickers... the first night they slept in there, they ripped the boarder off, found a crayon in the toy box and scribbled on the walls and ripped some of the paper from the walls.

They also found a crayon and coloured on the new sofas and walls in the living room (where they keep getting the crayons from i dont know!!)

The upstairs hall was a lemom colour - it is now covered in crayon and i cant get it off.

The main problem is the bathroom though, this is what has really got to me. Ds1 would go into the bathroom before waking us up, he turns on the taps, shreds the toilet roll, smears toothpaste and sudo cream everywhere, ds2 plays in the toilet and gets totally wet.. so we got stairgates, one on the bathroom door and one on the bedroom (to stop him sneaking down stairs and trashing the kitchen - eggs in the washing machine etc) but he climbs over them. Every morning they are wet and the bathroom is a state.

This morning he got in the bathroom bin - i had been on my period all week so there were used sanitary towels in there - they were playing with them, it was so discusting, they were even down the toilet, in the boys bedroom, and i still think there are some missing, they shredded the toilet roll and there are lumps of wet tissue everywhere.

Hes 3.5 so not a baby (ds2 is 20 months and is dragged over the stairgates to help trash the bathroom) What more can i do to keep him out the bathroom? I seriously give up - what is the point of trying to give them a nice home, so much money wasted, the house looks worse than it did before we moved in.

Theres a pile of stuff for me to sort out in the bathroom now and i cant be bothered, i just want to cry.

Sorry this is long.

This is what i found when i woke up today and i still have to sort it all out

here

put an alarm on their bedroom door

either one of those mats that you have in shops or one of those little electronic toy kits and then you will be woken up

had to laugh then i read that post as you wanted me to get a mat that would electricute the kids if they went in the bathroom

I have got to tidy all that mess up. I sometimes wonder how easy it would be if i hadnt have had children.

OMG!! Thought my little gits were bad!! No wonder you're so upset .

The clear box thing - I kind of do this with DS1's stuff - I put it where he can see it but can't get to it. Torture!! But effective.

Take away the crayons! ours are well out of reach - supervision only! We have learnt the hard way too.

Have you tried making them clean up the mess themselves? DS1 (4 in Jan)has to if he makes any bad mess, now DS2 (15mths) does it as he sees his brother doing it.

Or how about strapping them in bed? (just joking)

lol

but I would concentrate on preventing them getting out of their room without you waking up

take the light bulbs out upstairs

Tamba you poor thing!

Just looked at the photos, that is bloody shocking, I would be in tears if I had to face that kind of mess first thing in a morning more than once too.

Agree that very strict measures need to be put in place. DS1 needs to be clear about what the consequences will be if he does this kind of thing again, either in the bathroom or whilst you are otherwise engaged e.g. cooking tea. Locking him in/out of a room will only work in the short-term, he won't really be learning anything from that.

This is appalling!!!

I don't understand any of it, from drawing on the walls onwards.

Right, ds1 MUST be pressed into helping clear this up. He gets to do nothing until it is cleaned up. Mine wouldn't even have been given breakfast.
Certainly, no Christmas tree until they prove they can get up in the morning without making this mess. Also remind them that Father Christmas brings presents for good boys, and he can see everything. No presents for boys who do this!!

Then follow thru with the star chart for good mornings.
Do make sure tho' that they have some means of being entertained until you wake up in the morning.

OMG I thought my girls were bad, poor you

Tamba I know the feeling as ds1 trashes a lot of things (he's 6 and severely autistic). We have felt tips everywhere, liquids emptied (washing up liquid throughout the house is surprisingly sticky), food thrown everywhere, videos broken and the dvd currenlty appears to be full of toast crusts. I haven't bothered decorating anything except the boys rooms as it's just worse when stuff gets trashed if its nice in the 1st place.

As it's only happening early in the morning I would just work at keeping them contained. We use 2 travelbarriers (like a stairgate, but can't be opened) one on top of the other if we need to keep ds1 out of a room. A lot of our rooms have locks high up so we can keep ds1 out of rooms.

Other than that work out a hideous punishment for doing it (eg taking toys away). Tell them about it beforehand- this will happen if you do X, then follow through if they do.

sorry- the travlebarriers are to keep ds1 in his room- locks are to keep him out.

Dh is home and he agrees that this cant go on. We have talked to the boys and aid that Father Christmas only comes to good boys so there behaviour had better improve or else he wont be visiting them on christmas day (is that cruel?)

This afternoon dh is taking them out and I am going to get all there mess cleared up. Toys are being boxed up and they will have to earn them back (will leave a couple out) There bob the builder vurtains and quilt covers are being replaced with old plain ones as they obviously dont want a bob the builder bedroom.

Cbeebies will no longer be going on the tele and there will be no sweets or crisps or treats.

They will earn the things they like back with a star chart, when they have shown me that they can respect there home they will be given back the things they enjoy.

Is that too harsh?

Not cruel or harsh at all, I really think things sound so bad you have to start with 'zero tolerance'. I should think you'll have a couple of days of sheer hell but it will be so worth it in the end, good luck.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I would do what the other suggest taking toys away-but not sure if right now is a good idea as they will have new toys for xmas,yes? Its going to be confusing if you take the toys away and then give them new at xmas,but I suppose its the only option.I would take all the toys bar one,and then they have to earn them back-each morning you get up and theres a clean bathroom,they get a toy back.I would also permanantly take the crayons away for now-I wouldn't give them an immediate chance to earn them back,just tell them they can no longer have them until they are better behaved.Do they help tidy the messes?To me they are old enough to face that consiquence-they did the crime after all.They can pick up tissues etc off floor,the oldest could scrub the cream off the things.

Did they behave like this before the move? Was the move very streesful for them?

tam - on how clean is your house they got crayon off with bread. (I know it's not much/the point) but might help.

I think given what is happening you need to be VERY tough on this. Zero tolerance is absolutely necessary.

I suspect you have been a bit lax with this in the past. You will have a hard few days ahead, but you must get these boys sorted NOW.

My ds has NEVER drawn on a wall. He once pulled a piece of wallpaper off when he was 3 ish, but it was pretty clear to him that would not be tolerated.

not too harsh at all. Good luck

No not to harsh, just have to stick to it.

thats not too harsh, but just the type of attitude you need, good luck.

oh yeah and slightly stale (not rock hard maybe left out for an hour or so) rolled into a ball gets crayon off the wallpaper! hope that helps!!!

I would do a punish/reward.

Start with the punish. Take it all away. Everything. I wouldn't leave more than one toy each out.

I would not put a lock on anything.

But I would start from a position of trust. If you stop them doing stuff, you are taking their responsiblity out of it. SO:

If the bathroom is not trashed they get to put a pasta in the jar and a toy. They get to choose the toy.

If nothing is touched, they get to watch x amount of tv (am out of touch with uk telly, but a preferred prog).

However, here is the rub. i would go against all advice re pasta jar. i would go for cause/effect and if the room is trashed, I would do the visual/obviously punished thing and take the toy away and the pasta out of the jar.

When the jar is full (need a small jar!) they get to x (soft play/cine/macdo/whatever rocks the older ones boat).

Take away all crayons. If they want to draw in the future, have a crayon box and take them all away when they have finished.

I would go for total clampdown. Sorry and talking to s are not working. I would do the tough love thing. Even for your own sanity.

They are doing this because they can. Great attention seeking stuff and such fun trashing away whilst the grown ups sleep. I no longer see my dds godmother because her kids did this to my playroom. "Yes", she said " Little monkeys, aren't they?" WTF

Good luck!

brilliant tamba. Not too harsh at all. Their behaviour is (in one of my dhs favourite phrases) entirely unacceptable.

keep it up and let us know how it goes

Poor you - this sort of thing would finish me off big style - definitely adoption material!
I agree with the zero tolerance hard approach as it is obviously not a one-off aberration. I would also start off with a total blanket ban on everything and get them to earn things back.

Should add, if they trash before the first piece of pasta, take away the single toy. Put it where it can be seen - such as on top of fridge. Explain to ds1 that he can have it tomorrow morning AND pasta in the jar AND tv if he stays in bed or does not trash the bathroom. Make him WANT to be good.

Oh, and I would get them to tidy up the bathroom with you this afternoon. Even if just ds 1.

Now way too harsh. Hope it all goe really well - please update the thread as I'd like to hear how long it takes them to get the message - my bet is not long at all.

have looked at your photo's and really feel for you.

can't really add any more as you've already got some brilliant advice on this thread.

sit down with your dh, and make a plan of action. if you both stick to it rigidly i'm sure within a short space of time you will notice a difference.

you said you have not seen supernanny, do you have sky/cable?, its repeated on the discovery home & leisure channel. might be worth videoing some episodes to watch, or buy the book (i've got it, was about a tenner). it'll help seeing it and knowing you are not the only family having to deal with problems like this.

good luck,x.