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Original poster

Why do you smack your child/nnot smack your child?

172 replies

NorthernGobshite · 20/02/2011 15:56

I am interested because my parents have just spent weekend visiting us and dd (6) chose this weekend to be tired, grumpy and generally hard work.

My parents spent all weekend telling me that if we smacked her she would behave, if we don't smack her she will grow up to be uncontrollable etc etc, blah blah Angry

We absolutely do not believe in smacking and I am interested why you do/don't smack.

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Panzee · 20/02/2011 15:59

I don't smack. I honestly don't see how it can help.

mrsravelstein · 20/02/2011 16:00

i have 3dc, oldest is 9. it has simply never occurred to me as being a suitable punishment for any of the naughty things they've ever done... and have never unconsciously 'lashed out' (in fact would feel awful if i did, i think)...

mrsravelstein · 20/02/2011 16:01

at the risk of sounding naive, i've genuinely never thought about it until now... what on earth would smacking a child achieve? almost worse for a 6 year old who is perfectly capable of having a rational conversation (at least when they're not being grumpy and hard work Smile)

Original poster
NorthernGobshite · 20/02/2011 16:03

My dad especially is convinced we should smack her and that we will have no control on her if we don't. I am sick of hearing it. I don't see how hitting my child will acheive anything. He says "you'll feel better"!!! Shock I wouldn't feel better, I would hate myself.

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CupidStunts · 20/02/2011 16:03

When dd was having screaming toddler tantrums, she used to throw things and kick me in the head when I was trying to settle her in bed. I used to tell her that I was counting to 3 and if she didn't stop she would get a smack. It literally was the only thing that worked - but it was never hard. She is much older now and I have NEVER felt the need to do it since. There are always worse punishments. No TV, being sent to her room, no sweets etc.

BornToFolk · 20/02/2011 16:05

I don't smack. I don't want to be hit and so I won't hit anyone else.

Original poster
NorthernGobshite · 20/02/2011 16:05

I also question the need to 'control' my childs moods. If she's miserable and unco-operative I just let her get on with it and she 'comes round' in her own time when she wants something. She needs to learn to moderate her own moods surely?? Without be smacking her into a good mood!!

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earwicga · 20/02/2011 16:05

I was smacked a lot. It made no difference to my and my siblings behaviour, but it made us very resentful and secretive.

I've not smacked my children, as I have absolutely no right to hit a child. Or anyone else for that matter.

Georgimama · 20/02/2011 16:05

I have smacked DS on perhaps three or four of occasions of exactly the type Cupid describes. Not proud moments but nor am I ashamed of it. I certainly don't hate myself.

asdx2 · 20/02/2011 16:05

I have five children, my oldest four are 23,22,17 and 16 and my youngest is 8 tomorrow. I don't smack and never have smacked because I don't believe it's ever necessary and think it shows a lack of control and respect for another human being.I would never condemn anyone who does smack though but it's not something that I would feel comfortable doing tbh.

Original poster
NorthernGobshite · 20/02/2011 16:08

I am not here to judge others btw just interested in views.

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HerBeX · 20/02/2011 16:10

I don't because children don't learn by what we say, they learn by what we do.

Original poster
NorthernGobshite · 20/02/2011 16:11

earwicga, I agree. I was smacked and resented parents for many years. it taught me nothing.

My parents think we have a better relationship than we do, and cannot see that their parenting was anything other than perfect. They think they know it all about raising a child. I am not saying they did an awful job, but I think I am who I am, inspite of not because of.

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BertieBotts · 20/02/2011 16:12

It's a generation thing though, isn't it? Everyone smacked then - and I expect it does have immediate, short term visible results like any punishment does (naughty step, grounding, banning screen time, removing toys, etc) - it's just that because most people don't smack any more, you don't see it happening around as much. But people still discipline their children in whatever way they think is best. I wonder if sometimes the generation who used to smack feel a little defensive about it - like the parents now of 8+ year olds who were told to wean at 3 or 4 months and get defensive on weaning threads - so it's easy for them to look back with rose tinted glasses and think it's the answer to everything.

Ariesgirl · 20/02/2011 16:12

I haven't had kids yet but am fairly determined to never smack them, if only because I couldn't deal with the expression on their faces or my guilt afterwards. My mum used to smack us, and it was always because she lost control and I will never forget the red, hate-filled expression on her face as she did it, her guilty tears afterwards and the feeling that I was an awful child who deserved it. I really want to avoid that.

bibbitybobbityhat · 20/02/2011 16:14

I have smacked both of my dc once or twice. Usually as a lashing out in extreme circumstances sort of thing (I once smacked dd for sitting down in the middle of the road when we were crossing and I was carrying the baby in the car seat in the other hand and I literally had to drag dd across the road). I have also smacked a hand if someone has bitten me. I don't feel guilty. I would never do it as a pre-meditated punishment, though, that's just cruel and very unpleasant.

Original poster
NorthernGobshite · 20/02/2011 16:14

bertie, agreed. Have just been explaining to dd that its 'generational' and that grandparents are "a bit old fashioned" as she was quite upset by them telling me to smack her.

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yogididabooboo · 20/02/2011 16:15

Smacking is very rarely used a controlled and considered form of punishment. It is far more often the last step of the parents temper.

I could sit here all day and list many many reasons why smacking is wrong and the only reason i culd think to advocate its use is that it is ..........oh, actually no i cant think of any

Original poster
NorthernGobshite · 20/02/2011 16:15

ariesgirl, I think you hit the nail on the head. To me, smacking means loss of control.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 20/02/2011 16:17

No, would never do it. Think it's a horrible, bullying thing to do. The equivalent of some 10ft person hitting you.

I was smacked all the time as a kid (by my mum, never my dad) - with hands, sticks, wooden spoons. Never had any impact on my behaviour.

I remember how much I hated my mother after she'd done it - really hated her. Wished she was dead hated her.

couldn't bear it if my DD ever felt that way about me.

asdx2 · 20/02/2011 16:18

I would agree with the generational thing as I was an oddity when my oldest two were small because everyone I knew smacked whereas with my youngest I know most people don't smack either.

reallytired · 20/02/2011 16:22

I don't smack. There are far better ways of control a child's behaviour than through fear. Its better for a child to LEARN why particular behaviour is wrong.

You can't smack a teenager especially if they are a six foot teenage boy. It's much easier to teach discipline properly by explaining to children than bullying them.

Out of interest. What did your six year old do and how did you chooose to handle the situation?

Jojay · 20/02/2011 16:23

I've never smacked either of mine, though I usderstand the temptation sometimes.

My Ds1 is quite a sensitive soul (though infuriating and far from angelic at times)and the thought of his little face if I physically hurt him it too awful to contemplate.

Taking him for an injection is bad enough, but with that, the end justifies the means.

As a method of discipline, it certainly wouldn't.

earwicga · 20/02/2011 16:23

NorthernGobshite, that's a real shame. My mother has apologised now for all the smacking and beyond i.e. knocking our heads together. She wishes she had done it the way I do.

Tee2072 · 20/02/2011 16:24

How do you teach a child to not hit if you are hitting it?

That is why I will never smack my child. I was spanked as a child. It never made a difference in my behaviour, just hurt and made me resent my mother.