I am not going to give my baby a surname

[stewpid]

DP and I have decided not to give our new baby a traditional surname. We have issues with both our families and no desire to perpetuate their names with our offspring.

We have two inspirational friends who have passed away. They're names were Elizabeth and Anne. In honour of them our DD will have their names as her surname. So her full name will be Iris Poppy Elizabeth-Anne.

I know some people will think this is stupid but we think it is beautiful and meaningful.

Has anyone here done anything like this? What do people think?

oh fgs, i'm finding the close-minded support more irritating than any abuse tbh. this place is so up its own arse.
the OP shouldn't have come up with the 'bastard men' line and she totally acknowledged that. i don't think any single person has said that she shouldn't choose a new surname for her child, just that elizabeth-anne will be a freaking nightmare to explain for a lifetime. which it WILL.

i went to school with a family called Bethel, it means little church i think, so Bethan sounds great to me as a surname. i do think you should all change your names though, start off your new family on the same foot.

Without being offensive you will be pushing your views of your family onto your child which is unhealthy. Why don't you all change your surname to a double-barrelled surname using Elizabeth and Annes surnames. Then she will not be continually asked about her name which could erode her self esteem and you don't have to describe how awful your extended family are which could also damage her. Please think of your child and not your issues!

it's hippy dippy, meaningless shit.

Pick a new surname, to not have one is ridiculous.

Don't know if anyone has suggested it yet, but why don't you look up the meanings of the names and see if those work better as surnames. My friend died not long after my little boy was born and we considered adding a name at his baptism, and we looked up the meaning of her name and found it meant "beloved", and then we found a boys name that also meant beloved which was David.

Why would you, with YOUR issues with men, make it an issue for your child also?
Maybe you need to look at ur issues with men. before having some idealistic daydream about some memorial surname/firstname?
Life is hard enough without adding petty annoyances i.e trying to explain that Elizabeth-anne is her surname? Why not middle name? or actual firstname?
I am also guessing she is going to have to listen to how crap men are for the rest of her life? Poor kid.

Echoing what others have said here. I totally understand your reasons but the way you are going about it is nuts. Either pick a completely new surname out of thin air or choose a word that would work as a surname. Otherwise you are setting your dd up for a life of confusion which isn't fair on her. They are, after all, your issues not hers and again, as others have said, you need to work that out in a way best for you without making her carry the load.

Good luck

stewpid if you do this, and give your DD the surname Elizabeth-~Anne, she will be taking her DH's name as soon as she can, so will almost certainkly get married, and I can guarantee she won't apss this ridiculous surname on to any children she has either, so you might as well just give her those names as first names.

I know someone who has only one name, just on name, one word. But he chose to change his first name to his sole and only name by deed poll when he was an adult (to divest himself of a name which is a title of caste in Hinduism). I think he manages OK with it, and he made the choice and was prepared fo the difficulties with forms, comments etc.

I thnk if you have issues with your families, and are not using the names because of that, then you should ALL perhaps get rid of your surnames - otherwise when you explain it all to your dd she may not find it 'deep and beautiful' but a negative removal of a name, which marks her as different from her own parents, in response to negative experiences of family. IYSWIM.

And if you don't explain, others will. She will seem like a pawn. If on the other hand you all change your nakes to 'Elizabeth-Anne' as your surname i will seem less like that - you have adopted a new joing family surname.

stewpid - I too hope you can blank out the unconstructive comments. in particular the casual ones from people who haven't read the whole thread and/or people who are showing zero respect for you and your completely legitimate reasoning. I also hope the constructive comments are useful for you and dp. I'm afraid quick, dismissive reactions are sometimes just what you get on an internet forum - people say stuff they wouldn't dream of saying to your face. Just shrug it off and don;t take it to heart.

Stewpid,

I totally get your reasoning. Dh and I also felt that passing down the paternal surnames in an unthinking manner was stupid. So we changed our names to a new one when we were expecting ds (it's a mesh of our old ones, but at least it doesn't have the strong cultural/ethnic connotations that our old ones had).

However, from personal experience I would absolutely advise you against a hyphenated surname or one which will so obviously be confused with a first name. I would merge the two words as some have suggested. Otherwise you will have no end of problems, your daughter will spend her life having to correct computer filled forms which have got the surname and names mixed up, you name it.

So by all means go for it, but it would probably be a good idea for at least one of you or your dh to change their surnames too (not strictly necessary, but would make life easier).

I still don't understand the point of this.

My grandfather was a nasty abusive shit. My Dhs parents are tossers.
WE have the names now. We are chnaging what they mean. I am not hiding from my ancestry because I am making it mine. And in doing so the name has a new meaning.

If I changed the names of my DCs I would be denying what we have achieved creating a loving productive generous family out of that heritage.

You should examine what you have overcome and reclaim the name instead of running away from it. It is yours now and what you chose to make it represent for the future.

But if you are going to change your Dcs surname then make it a sensible one and chnage your two. My family have many elements that are different and require explaining. It is not brave to choose a surname that needs endless explaination. You should not foist these on children - it is selfish

EXACTLY what I meant, but said better.

I would like to be proud but my god the typing......!

this is really heated, isn't it?
sorry, only just caught it and got a bit tired after the 5th page.

i think Elizanne is a fabulous surname, but i also think you should all take it.

www.surnamedb.com/surname.aspx?name=Allix - I tried loads, but this means kind. Notter could also mean clean slate'

What pag said!

OMG - have just read more of the detail of this thread.

Georgimama, some of your posts yesterday are really out of order, imo. Where did 'man hating lesbian' come from? And the personal abuse?

The bastard men are an issue here because traditionally it is MEN'S names which get passed down...so whether the women were bastards or not is not resonant in a name. And as far as I know, Stew did not tell her DSS anything abo0ut 'bastard men', just that the baby would be named after some women.

I have expresssed my own view, which has some reservations., but the degree of PANIC and vitriol that this thread has engendered is quite bizarre.

Good luck, Stew, it's your decision.

Personally I wouldnt! DD really wont thank you for it.

ok so the men werent great but surely having the same surname wont tar her with the same brush?

My friends dad was a wifebeater but he has grown into a lovely,kind and thoughtful young man who dotes on his wife. Surely its more about how you bring her up.. What morals she has.

If you really really dont want her to have that surname then choose something and all change. But agree that no surname or first names as surname will just be a Nightmare for DD.

DO and I have discussed this a lot today. To be honest, those of you who were so rude about the very idea just served to strengthen my conviction to honour E & A in the name. Attacks tend to entrench people. However, many of you had kind and thoughtful comments and I thank you. We have ditched the hyphenated full names as an idea which I am sure pleases you all. We still love Elizanne, or, and this will please the conservatives among you, a place name that was special to E, A and DP and I. We have also agreed we should probably change our names too and give DSS the option of taking our name as his middle name.

So there you go. Sorry to Pagwatch and others who made strong cases for doing nothing, I see your point but we need to do this.

Oh, and Bethanne is another option we like.

And finally... DSS still thinks we are Stewpid, but he is nicer about it than many on here!

The place name sounds a lovely idea, good luck!

Why not combine your surnames or mothers maiden names to go through the female line in your families? Or, All change your names as lots have previously suggested.

I think that all sounds great.

some of us have children who have to explaintheir names and it gets really wearing after thefirst ten years
Both the options - and especially dropping the hyphen - sound way easier. We all just like to be able to be under the radar sometimes
She will have a name with a great story for when she wants and a simple name that needs no narrative when she just wants to rent a car or sign up for a class.

I'm sure you'll find something that suits your needs and doesn't present the wee one with a life-time of form-filling misery.