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Original poster

I am not going to give my baby a surname

243 replies

stewpid · 11/10/2009 09:58

DP and I have decided not to give our new baby a traditional surname. We have issues with both our families and no desire to perpetuate their names with our offspring.

We have two inspirational friends who have passed away. They're names were Elizabeth and Anne. In honour of them our DD will have their names as her surname. So her full name will be Iris Poppy Elizabeth-Anne.

I know some people will think this is stupid but we think it is beautiful and meaningful.

Has anyone here done anything like this? What do people think?

OP posts:
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AnyFuleKno · 11/10/2009 17:18

[snorts at 'newstart]

purepurple · 11/10/2009 17:19

I've got a name
King Stewpid

TheOldestCat · 11/10/2009 17:21

I once babysat two children whose parents had given them different surnames that they'd chosen (one was 'Haf' - pronounced 'have' - Welsh for summer I think). Thought that was nice.

So maybe something that isn't so obviously a first name?

FlightAttendant · 11/10/2009 17:22

It is a stupid idea, honestly it is. It just doesn't follow through does it? Think about it.

The child is not going to be defined by its name.

And if it is, then that name has already been born by YOU, or your pARTNER, not just your dodgy ancestors - some of whom may have bene rather nice in fact - maybe your respective parents were actually an aberration in a LONGGGGG line of wonderful 'Smith's or whatever it is.

You#re doing more to commemorate these w*nkers by causing your child all that potential annoyance and trouble, than by just forgetting about them and RECLAIMING the name as that belonging to YOU and your BABY (who are of course nice - if a little stupid)

It is highly controlling and rather immature to start faffing about with names. All names come from somewhere. Anne and Elizabeth were not perfect.
Nobody is.

ManicMother7777 · 11/10/2009 17:41

Ridiculous. I actually think it's quite cruel to land a child with an affliction like that. Sometimes it just pays to conform. Sorry.

FlightAttendant · 11/10/2009 17:45

Well it just reminds me of being a teenager and wanting to call myself 'Leaf' or 'Sky' when in fact I had a perfectly good name with its own heritage and meaning iyswim

It's a surname and it is HERS as much as it was theirs...does that make sense? Hand it over to her and let her make of it what she will. Let her make you proud of the name again.

starwhoreswonaprize · 11/10/2009 17:49

Ms Fucker... what's with the new name?

What's wrong with Newstart? How about calling the baby Lou and surname D'Cross?

Niecie · 11/10/2009 18:17

Since you and DP are the ones who have issues with your names I think you should be ones to change them, not inflict a rather daft name on your poor DD.

If you chose wisely, something that means something to both of you and isn't a first name in disguise, then you can pass it on to your DD. It will have meaning for you all.

Are all men bastards by the way?

Surely if they were they would have taken their mother's surnames historically anyway, which makes the name passing down the male line business nonsense. But you don't really mean that.

What does your DP think of your low opinion of the men? Must be hard to bear I would have thought.

Despite all that, even if you went ahead with chosing first names as your DD surname, Elizabeth-Anne is just tooooo long. I have a long surname (not as long as your choice) and it is a pain when it won't fit in boxes on forms and takes ages to write out when you are in a hurry.

Not that it matters I bet she will marry the first bloke who asks her after the age of 18 just to be able to change it.

AnyFuleKno · 11/10/2009 18:28

news tart?

missjackson · 11/10/2009 18:45

You must be kidding. You must have known what we would all say. Don't saddle your DD with this. If you have issues with both of your families, then fine, choose your own 'family name'. It can be whatever you want it to be. My distaste for your idea isn't about tradition. But to choose first names as a family name is just confusing, for everyone.

MaggieBehave · 11/10/2009 20:05

wow, what a lot EXTRA that wasn't said people have read into the OP's post.

Original poster
Stewpid · 11/10/2009 20:15

Thankyou Maggie. I have lurked but not posted since this morning because what is the point in posting when nobody listened to what I actually said?

OP posts:
AitchTwoToTangOh · 11/10/2009 20:20

i disagree, tbh, your bastard men line absolutely stinks and you should seriously consider retracting it imo. then we can talk about iris poppy elzabeth-anne as a name, which is why you posted in the first place.

alwayslookingforanswers · 11/10/2009 20:20

you know there's a slight hitch even in using a name like Nightingale, Parks etc............they presumably took their name from the bastard men

OP - I have read the entire thread - fine you hate your surname, change it for ALL of you - and choose a proper bleeding one.

Hullygully · 11/10/2009 20:23

Why not Surname for a surname? Then it's obvious you're making a point, but won't need endless explaining.

Original poster
Stewpid · 11/10/2009 20:27

I never said men per we are bastards. I said those in the family lines in question were. And I stand my that. My father and grandfather were both violent. Elizabeth was my sister so ditto. DPs dad deserted him, his grandfather was a facist. Anne's dad spent most of his life in prison.

Maybe I could have explained more rather than using an emotive phase but I had no idea how emotive it was. Also I was posting in a rush as DSS was chatting to me.

OP posts:
AitchTwoToTangOh · 11/10/2009 20:29

fair enough, but do you honestly think that elizabeth and anne would approve?

i think iris bethanschild is absolutely lovely, though, and it would honour them. it would only be a slight pita to spell.

Original poster
Stewpid · 11/10/2009 20:35

I really don't know what to think now. I do actually quite like Bethanschild or Elizanne so maybe I will try them on DP.

OP posts:
Paolosgirl · 11/10/2009 20:36

Just out of curiosity - although you may have explained already and I may have missed it - what surname has your DSS got? If it's the male surname of the family, do you intend to change it in protest at the last 2 generations (which btw are hardly ancestry), and if not, how will you explain the differences in surnames to your children?

morningpaper · 11/10/2009 20:36

You need a new surname that is a proper surname.

Just pick one that is meaningful, the surname of someone you admire, or a special place, or choose a word that is meaningful, or a word in a different language.

morningpaper · 11/10/2009 20:37

Bethanschild is nice

FlightAttendant · 11/10/2009 20:38

This reply has been deleted

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AitchTwoToTangOh · 11/10/2009 20:38

oh i will be SO PROUD if you go for bethanschild.

Original poster
Stewpid · 11/10/2009 20:39

PG - dss has his mother's surname so there is no issue.

OP posts:
Rosebud05 · 11/10/2009 20:39

Two friends of mind were unsure what to do viz a viz surnames when they got married and had a baby on the way. So they both changed their surname to the cat's name and that's also the baby's surname.
A bit random, but makes me smile every time I think about it.
But there is something to be said for having a) a surname that sounds like one b) the same name as at least one of your parents (I think?)

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