I am not going to give my baby a surname

[stewpid]

DP and I have decided not to give our new baby a traditional surname. We have issues with both our families and no desire to perpetuate their names with our offspring.

We have two inspirational friends who have passed away. They're names were Elizabeth and Anne. In honour of them our DD will have their names as her surname. So her full name will be Iris Poppy Elizabeth-Anne.

I know some people will think this is stupid but we think it is beautiful and meaningful.

Has anyone here done anything like this? What do people think?

Hi OP. I just wanted to add my post as you have received so much extremely rude and unfair flak for your question - I am quite taken aback as to how unnecessarily unkind some MNers can be - especially when there is so much support and feminism elsewhere on these pages. You didn't say all men were bastards, just referred to some from your family, and fair enough if you don't want to use their name. It is a relatively unusual idea though, and there will inevitably lots of people who just don't get it or think it's weird - but heck, I'm sure there are plenty of people whose thoughts or actions you don't get, so sod em! You're never going to please everyone, so please yourself I say. And fwiw I really don't see that you daughter will 'hate' you for it or consider it cruel and unusual punishment - for one thing if it's the name your child has always had they won't see it as strange as it will be normal to them - and for another thing there are plenty of really fecking weird names around at the moment that by the time she's old enough to explain it I doubt anyone will bat an eyelid!

Also, Lovejoy is a sur name isn't it? Somebody famous has this sur name... can't think who

Longwee, I agree, think she (OP) asked an unusual and interesting question which plenty of people can relate to in some way, even if they wouldn't take it to 'execution' iyswim, the subject could have led onto other intersting issues for discussion. Instead she was told to 'jog on troll' and so on.... and words were put in her mouth as far as I can see. Pretty shocking.

I do think it would be un-kind to the child not to give some form of surname. Ending her name with Elizabeth-Anne is really just silly and she will spend her life explaining it, poor kid; it will get extremely boring for her.

Why not just decide on a surname that you like or that has some significance and use that? I don't see the problem with that but I do see a problem with saddling a child with no end point to their name which is SO far out of the social norm that she will spend her life explaining it

As someone interested in family history, names are seldom only first names or surnames. It is just a case of what we are use to at this moment in history. i.e. what we are use too IYSWIM. In our family tree. we had several male 'lettuce', over several generations. Not my cup of tea but names have a fashion and change over time

Nothing wrong with choosing an female based surname, even if this is not the norm these days. I would be interested to know if you would give the same surname to a future son ?

Legally of course your child has to have a surname. It is up to you what you decide to use. My DH and I decided to use my surname not his and it was difficult enough telling his family and they are lovely with very few hangups. I can understand having problem family members that it would of been easier if you could of said we are not using a surname, rather than we are using a different surname.

Serious suggestion, why not change your and your husbands surname by deed poll to Elizabeth-Anne. Live with it for a few months and then have a chat to see how you both feel about sharing this name with your new baby. You will properly have to say to every offical, yes, that IS my surname but that is not a big deal. I am always asked to spell my name and I have to explain why I don't have a pre-married name and my DH has to explain why he does !!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with the birth. I hope everything goes smoothly.

I think that by being aware of the family issues running in your families, you and your DH will prevent these problems running into the next generation.....whatever the surname of your children, you will be a loving caring mum and that is all a child needs.

Has noone suggested Elizabeth-Anne as a first name? This would commemorate them the most! And maybe "Iris" as the surname. Or Bethan as a surname is better than bethanschild

"Elizabeth-Anne Iris" sounds fine IMO.
Or "Iris Bethan"

I also really sympathise with how you have been treated on this thread - if people had read the whole lot they would realise you did not say that all men are bastards. I do agree though that elizabeth-anne just doesn't work for a surname and your poor ds would spend her life trying to explain it.

Stewpid, I am sorry if I offended you with my rubbish attempt at being lighthearted. It was early in the morning and I was not feeling diplomatic - it was wrong of me.

I do however stand by what I said - have you read my earlier post which describes my late grandfather's character? I did not intedn to be patronising, but I do feel you are (as Dorothea pointed out) just not listening to anything sensible that I have already said - which is your prerogative but it would be polite to acknowledge and engage with posters a little, as they are trying hard to help ou sort this out.
I think I shall stop bothering now, I am sure you will be pleased about that.

Thanks Doro

Change your surname to Christmas. I had a friend at school whose surname was Christmas and I was sooo jealous, what a fantastic surname. Thankfully her parents didn't call her Mary . There was also a Crapper in my class at school, oh how we laughed. That poor cow should have had her name changed.

Elizabeth-Anne is a daft idea, I think the whole concept of changing your surname is fine, but don't be silly and land a child with this silly name. There are plenty of good ideas in this thread (characteristics/occupation of youur friends, trees, colours) or just pick a really nice surname.

I wanted to change my surname (an strange and unusual surname which I have always had to spell out) to something really aristocratic when I was young - like Von Schimmel, De L'Auberousson, Cavendish-Hepplewhite. What a twat I am was.

I think Anne as a surname would be ok but Elizabeth-Anne is a bit ridiculous. I would give Elizabeth as an extra middle name.

Actually I think any of your names could be used as a surname but don't double barrel them cos then it doesn't sound like a surname.

OP - what about the first two letters of Elizabeth and Anne - Elan - as a surname?

Iris Poppy Elan. Sounds good I think.

although it is ripe for being turned around into a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad nickname.

A lot of commonly used surnames did once originate from first names of usually the mother or father (matronymic/ patronymic) In your case you want to use your sister & other missed loved one. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matronym

I think combining them into a shorter version wouldn't have to take away the meaning or intent of honouring both loved ones. What about:
Lizanne
Anneliz
Elizan
Bethanne

Given that you want a fresh start for your daughter as far away from torment you've all experienced in the past (and worse) I think it would be best not to give her the full Elizabeth-Anne as children would tease.

Your daughter may want to use those names as first names for her children in the future and wouldn't be able to unless she was married. Those children would also face questions when giving their maiden name.
Wouldn't it be nice for them to be passed down to future generations as first/ middle names?

I like Iris and think Elizabeth Anne make great middle names to which you could add a surname that had symbolism for you:

Dawn or Reprendre - to mean new start
Hope/ Healy
A place you spent happy times with Elizabeth or Ann
Maybe take the surname of the person who delivers her?
Look at who has given you strength or a role model

I think you and DP should change to the same name as a fresh start for all of you. Its common now for kids not to have the same name as a parent, but not so common not to have either. Also, if you have the confidence to give her a new surname that she has to live with its only fair that you both do the same. All have the same surname would show unity in the face of adversity.

Above all its clear that both you and DP have experienced some very tough times. If you haven't already I think you should ask your GP for a referral for counselling as it seems that there's understandably some hurt/anger and grieving there. Addressing this will help you come to terms with the past and move on in time for your daughters birth and a happy future together.

I understand the point behind it. But I think it might sound better to focus on the good things you want to pass on, rather than the negative things you don't want to pass on.

Also, when doing something new in a situation like this i think just one new thing is a good idea.
so either a double barrelled surname
or
a new surname never used before (such as a female first name)

but not both together.

its one thing to come up with an idea. but you then need to think about what practically is going to work and sound good. (as someone is going to have to live with this.)

and you want your child to think, what a great mum (not a bastard mum for saddling me with this name).

Having recently changed my RL name, I am completely open-minded about this, but yes, the hyphen did kill the effect for 'Elizabeth-Anne'. Good to see you're open to alternatives.

Please don't do this to her! Kids get bullied for far less, let alone a lifetime of "sorry what was that?"

Chose a surname that you like for all your family (you, dp and dd) to define yourselves with, not encumber a innocent child with your own baggage, and use Elizabeth and Anne as a first name or middle names instead.

I am speaking from experience here - my ds has a foreign name (from my dp) and I write it down everytime I am in a bank/at nursery/at post natal classes as I get "what" every time - it is a PITA, but once they see it, they remember it ( and love it )

Hi Kay, nice to see you! Hope things are good x

We gave our DD a new last name.
I like the protocol in Spain where the mother's name is included in the child's name.

Elizabeth-Anne is a bit of a mouthful, but a lovely idea.
I like Lizann, it sort of sounds like Listen, which is what friends do, eh?

FA, things are a lot better thanks. New church, new name, new outlook, and I even manage to get dressed to my shoes every day now too

OP surely you can think of a surmname that is more suitable...someone i know changed their surname to 'Sunshine' following their divorce, as it put them in a happy place away from where she had been. I think that is a great idea.

But Elizabeth-Anne, no matter how good the reasoning behind it, is just not practical a surname.

Failing that try the porn star name thing.

Combine the name of your first pet with the name of the first street/town you lived in.

Mine would be ScruffyHastings

I just want to add my support for the OP: completely agree with Longwee and MaggieBehave - don't see why such an interesting question should have triggered such a volley of closed-minded abuse. I hope she's found the constructive replies helpful - I know I have...

why don't you give YOUR first name as the surname.
the thing i find a bit strange is to be given a surname that is about two people the child is not related to. double barrelling the parents names is one thing. double barrelling the names of two friends is another.

perhaps this is not the right place to honour your friends. you could think of an appropriate surname for your daughter. and think of a way of honouring your friends. but maybe not the two together.

I like the idea of honouring your sister and friend - and I see why you'd be upset at your daughter bearing a surname ruined by association, but I don't think Elizabeth-Anne is a good choice.

My advice would be to name your daughter Iris Elizabeth Anne '_' with the blank simply being a word or a place which means something special to you and your DP, whilst at the same time being a recognisable surname.

Change your surnames too, if you really want to get rid of those associations!

Some nice names have been suggested on this thread - Hope and Love for example - or you could go for something quite feminist like Gaia - or try the word 'new' out in different languages. That or go for an occupational name, or a place-name which is meaningful to you.

My opinion is that it's all very well for you to be non-conformist, but to bestow that on a child is not fair. She needs to make her own choices with things like that!