Partner now insists baby names must begin with A after our agreement

[campalotst]

DP name begins with an A, as does his two sibling. His parents did it on purpose and they all have matching tattoos of As in a circle. The parents names start with different letters.

DP has said for quite a few years he would like his child's name beginning with an A.

I wanted to keep my surname and DP wanted me to take his. My babies names are so important to me, I have had a list on my phone for years. So we compromised and I take his as do our kids if I get to pick the babies first names with consideration of his opinions (not a name he hates). He agreed.

Now I've taking his surname he's saying the name I pick must begin with an A.

But I have my lists and not a single one on boys or girls is an A name. How do we resolve this?

@tomato22 very controversial as his bothers wife has just announced she no longer want's kids. He does. Don't know what will happen there. His sister is 14 years younger and has just come out as gay. I wonder if there's less statistical chance of you having kids if you're gay just because it's much harder

Of course he’s a bully.

And of course he didn’t make the agreement with you assuming that you knew he meant A names. He just couldn’t care less about what you want.

I’d definitely use your own maiden name for the baby.

Have you read the book “the names”…?

ok he's being unfair but I don't think insisting it has to be a name you have through all your previous exes and childhood is fair either.

the matters to you both.

make your own choices about your personal name and then you need to talk and compromise on the baby's name.

double barrel the surname and write new lists of names you like.

if neither of you will compromise on a name, it's going to be a short lived relationship.

No partner EVER gets to 'insist' on anything that affects both of you (and the third party, your child). What if he 'insisted' your child was called Balonz or Mr Softee? Just because his parents were bonkers, doesn't mean you have to go along with it.

Your husband is being ridiculous. What a stupid tradition.

What if you call your child Alexander (for example), and the kid decides he wants to be Sandy? I know an Alicia who goes by Lissa.

What if baby A grows up and falls in love with someone whose family tradition is that all names have to start with a T?

You compromised already. It’s his turn. Be very very careful he doesn’t register the birth without you, and choose the name he wants.

There only seems to be @SD1978 & @AgnesMcDoo being adult & reasonable!
My husband wanted our child to have his initial too, like his children from a previous marriage.. no biggie, it was important to him, we just found a name we both liked with that initial..

who in their right mind wants names with matching initials

Go back on your agreement.

The child has your surname and you both need to love the first name.

You also seriously need to examine all A names to be sure that some are not really attractive to you. Don't be stubbon for stubbon sake. But don't agree to a name you dislike.

Would your DP agree to choosing a (non official) nick name beginning with A? Angelface, Astroboy.....

Unless you’re getting married soon it was a poor decision to agree to DC having DP’s surname. Agree with PPs to go back on that and give DC your surname.

DP pushing for an A name is for a silly reason and unreasonable.

If DP likes none of your preferred names it’d be best to look for one(s) you both like. If however he refuses all but A names would use the name(s) of your choice.

Sorry, your follow up posts say DH.

Have you yourself changed your surname?

He sounds sexist and awful.
Why don’t you double barrel your child’s surname surely that would be the logical conclusion. Or seeing as though you aren’t married, give your child your name?
As for him getting the final say on your child’s name, no just no.
You have to be very careful with names starting it A you don’t want it to sound silly. I’m assuming neither of you have a surname which is a noun.
Either way he sounds like a bullying prick.

🤣🤣

It’s not even a tradition it’s just his generation, his parents names are different. Total weirdo behaviour.

Whatever name you agree on you both have to like it. Both make a list of names you like then see if any name is on both lists. If not take turns of crossing out a name of partners list you most dislike until only 2 names left then one as first name and one as middle name. Goss a coin to determine order if you can agree. The problem with your partner is if you agree A name for this baby he'll expect the same for second baby and that is not fair.

Are you married to my friend’s twat of an ex? He has kids with 2 women from actual relationships, and has also set himself up as an unofficial sperm donor too. Kids are all named with his initial, which rather interestingly is A.

You didn't reply to the question - are you married ?

If not and i guess not otherwise surely you would refer to him as dh

then it is you who registers the baby's birth thus you get to register the name.

It's time his parents silly habit was ended.

Are you married?

Bullshit, he's trying to pull a fast one so he can have control over both your last name and the kids first and last name!

It's hard to believe he really misunderstood the agreement to the extent he's now claiming; if he thought to put in the caveat that he had right of refusal over the name ("not a name he hates") then would he not logically have mentioned that it must be an A name? That's a HUGE abridgement of what was supposed to be your choice since it's made 96% of the alphabet off limits for first initials. I would go ahead and propose the names you like regardless of which letter they start with.

Also, and I know this is not what you asked, the whole thing seems skewed in favour of what he wants at your expense. Whether to keep or change your last name should have been your choice and the children's first and middle names a choice shared equally between you.

yes it will make a difference if your married or not.

If unmarried - you, and only you, can register the birth and choose the names for the birth certificate. If married he has the right to register the birth WITHOUT YOU PRESENT and so can choose whichever names he likes.

If you don’t like it that’s fine but sometimes tradition can be nice. Like my fiancé, the males in his family all start with a letter and we spoke about it and I think if we have a son then his name will start with that letter. It’s a sweet tradition going back to his great grandfather and I plan to keep it .

If you’ve carried and birthed a baby then you’re the one that gets the privilege of naming. You earned it. End of. Your OH can have his preferences but that’s all they are.

I (very begrudgingly) took my DH’s name as a nod to his family traditions, but there was no way our DC’s were being named by anyone except me.

hes not going to register the birth without me, it's not heated yet. He's stated his opinion and I've stated mine. I prefer his surname but I didn't tell him that! I also cannot double barrel our names together they spell something satanic!

Evil-Dead
Belial-Beelzebub
I am intrigued