Partner now insists baby names must begin with A after our agreement

[campalotst]

DP name begins with an A, as does his two sibling. His parents did it on purpose and they all have matching tattoos of As in a circle. The parents names start with different letters.

DP has said for quite a few years he would like his child's name beginning with an A.

I wanted to keep my surname and DP wanted me to take his. My babies names are so important to me, I have had a list on my phone for years. So we compromised and I take his as do our kids if I get to pick the babies first names with consideration of his opinions (not a name he hates). He agreed.

Now I've taking his surname he's saying the name I pick must begin with an A.

But I have my lists and not a single one on boys or girls is an A name. How do we resolve this?

Change your name back to your maiden name then the kids can have your surname

You resolve it by saying that your deal was you take his surname and so do your kids only if you have free choice of first names.

he isn’t giving you free choice of first name so none of you will be taking his surname.

Don't take his surname then.

How about you do the same but not with A? So yes you're happy for siblings to share a letter but it is going to be S or T or whatever.

Is he a bully in other ways?
If so hopefully you aren't pregnant yet...

This is utterly bizarre. He is being ridiculous.

Keep your surname, or change back to it. The children should be named by you and given your surname.

No he's not a bully he just thought the agreement included the letter A as he has mentioned that for years.

I care way more about my kids first names than my last name

I just wouldn’t stand for this. No man dictates what letter my child’s name has to start with. Like you said I had names worked out for years.

Matching A tattoos? Sounds tacky AF. And the same initial for all children’s name? I’d say to him ‘We’re not the Rooney’s, I won’t be following a tradition your parents started.’

If it's not too late, find someone else to have babies with. The name will be the least of your woes.

Tell him you are naming the child Arsehole after him…

Or, choose an A name but keep your own surname and give your child your surname.

Are you already pregnant? Child born?

First, consider whether having a child with him is wise.

If it's too late for that you tell him that you'll be changing your name back and any future children can either have your name or be double barrelled.

Then tell him that any first name needs to be something you both like and that won't necessarily begin with an A.

early pregnancy. It's just a shame that we both care so much about this

Best response ever! Thank you for making me laugh ❤️

Yes, but he probably cares more about the last name.

change it back.

Are you married?

He sounds like a bully to me. You can't compromise with someone who doesn't want to compromise so I would be considering if this is someone I wanted to bring a child up with for the next 18 years.

🤣🤣🤣

Don't have kids with him?

Just say no repeatedly. He can't force you to use any name. He sounds awful tbh.

Think that ship may have sailed

Your child is the next generation so can have a name beginning with B?

So he totally moved the goalposts and lied? “You can pick the names as long as they have my surname?”
then
”oh I thought you knew I meant all the names you pick have to start with A?”

Nope. End this stupid tradition now.

Look, OP, he didn’t think that. He really didn’t. Because that wouldn’t have been a deal, would it? That would have been you agreeing to what he wanted on both the first and surnames. Too many of us on here have been around and dealt with this nonsense from men for far too long to fall for it.

You made a deal. In the first instance, he got what he wanted with the surname. He waited it out til the next phase of the deal (pregnancy) and now conveniently ‘thought’ you also agreed to a first name beginning with A. Why would he think that? You objected to that at the time because you have had a long-term list of names that don’t start with A. You had this conversation with him back then. Presumably?

As others have said, it’s incredibly simple. Tell him he can have A if you revert to your previous name and give the child that surname. Sure, there’ll be pushback, but holding a basic boundary is completely reasonable.

We used my surname, so DH got his family tradition on the middle name. If we had gone with his surname, we would have used something from my family in the first or middle.

He already got the surname. He doesn’t get to carry on this tradition.

"all have matching tattoos of As in a circle". What, like an anarchy sign?