Partner now insists baby names must begin with A after our agreement

[campalotst]

DP name begins with an A, as does his two sibling. His parents did it on purpose and they all have matching tattoos of As in a circle. The parents names start with different letters.

DP has said for quite a few years he would like his child's name beginning with an A.

I wanted to keep my surname and DP wanted me to take his. My babies names are so important to me, I have had a list on my phone for years. So we compromised and I take his as do our kids if I get to pick the babies first names with consideration of his opinions (not a name he hates). He agreed.

Now I've taking his surname he's saying the name I pick must begin with an A.

But I have my lists and not a single one on boys or girls is an A name. How do we resolve this?

I wouldn't back down on this, matchy matchy names are so tacky.

Could you give me the child an A first name but always call them by their middle name, which is the name you actually like. This is common practice on families where it's tradition for all first born boys to be called the same name i.e. they'll all be registered as John but will actually be called all different names day to day.

Keep your surname then and make sure the baby has the same, he’s the one benefitting from all these ‘compromises ’.

So he's has given you two choices, you can do it his way or you can do it his way.

I would go back to my old name and tell him he doesnt get to dictate everything.
He can either have an A name with your surname or your choice of first name with his surname and if its an A name it will be a happy coincidence.

Choose a name that starts with a number. Everybody wins!

Yes, that was my question!
OP, are they part of an anarchy cell, does your partner want them to be part of this too?.

Why on earth did you take his name? Why does he care if you have his surname?

Can't you give your children your surname?

Just say ‘what, like the Kardashians? Didn’t think you were serious…’

No he didnt 🙄 He just wants everything his way.

Ask him which he would prefer more, his surname or a first name beginning with A.
He only gets one.
If he goes for first name then give the child a middle name that you like and call them that.

He seems to care about patriarchal traditions: he wants you and his kids to have his surname.
He wants his kids’ names to perpetuate the pattern of him and his brothers, from his side of the family.

This is about power and ownership and he is trying to go back on the deal you made. No, he didn’t think you meant an A name, because that wouldn’t have been a deal 🙄.

Meanwhile you have been willing to make compromises, and changing your name is a big deal!
And you have favourite names that you love for their own sake and feel emotional about.

You say he has said for some years that he would like his kids to have A names. Did you tell him you have had lists on your phone etc?

I hate when people start these naming traditions that someone marrying into the family is expected to accept. Why should someone be expected to name their firstborn son William (for example) when they don't even like that name? Why should someone be expected to only consider A names (for example) for their children when they have no specific connection or attachment to that initial?

I don't know why people (usually women) just mindlessly agree to it like they have no say. Grow a spine.

I got bullied into giving my kids my ex’s surname and I regret it immensely. (Also annoyed I caved on my daughter’s first name, which nobody can pronounce properly and she doesn’t even like much and insists on using a nickname instead.)

Don’t let him dictate. You didn’t agree to this stupid family “tradition” that is only one generation long anyway.

My first husband had one of these stupid naming traditions.

I divorced him for unrelated reasons and his new girlfriend was daft enough to go along with it when she had his baby.

Still feel sorry for her and he’s been dead ten years.

I think it’s unfair to immediately label him a bully. Can you try and go through some A names together? Because as it stands, he is adamant they should start with A and you are adamant that they won’t and only your name choices will be considered, neither of you seem to want to compromise, and you both had to be there to make the baby. Can you maybe look at another letter if the theme is what he likes?

The OP already compromised by saying she and the children would have his surname and she could choose the first name. How would taking his surname and choosing a name beginning with A be a compromise?

She has a list of names she likes the deal they agreed means she can and should pick one of those.

It sounds like your wishes don't count at all OP ...don't inflict this on children

You are two grown ups making a baby together.

You need to find a way to compromise with each other or it’s going to be a long 18 years of parenting and the decisions don’t get any easier

OP did compromise, OP took husband’s surname on the understanding that she would choose the kids first names. Now her “D”H has decided that it has to be his way again. The only one not willing to compromise is him.

He can get another bloody tattoo if he's that bothered

Just curious, do his siblings have kids and are they "A" names, or do they plan on continuing it also?

Could you do middle names?

I hate naming traditions too. In my friends family they go by alternate names. So every daughter is called Margaret and her daughter Alice. My friend Alice is being pushed to carry on this tradition has has been 'allowed' to use Margo instead. She's calling her kid Mia

and I know you only have this once isolated story of my DH but we have no other real issues he's wonderful to me.

Revert to hour maiden name. Then give the child your surname. If he's being a dick id register the child alone. However, thats relationship ending. Your joint child isnt an extension on him and his siblings. His parents picked what they wanted. Its your turn now to pick what you both want as parents.

How ridiculous! Will you just have to keep using A names for all your kids and then their kids as well 🤣 a man like this would drive me barmy.
You're the one growing this child. Put your foot down and say no