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Babydad hates our sons name and refuses to use it

50 replies

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:35

Father refuses to call his baby by his actual name. Has anyone got any advice? My baby is nearly 5 months old and has his name. His father hates it. Through out my pregnancy we couldn’t agree on a name. He wanted to name the baby after himself. ___ junior. He also wanted the baby’s middle name to be his father’s middle name and then their last name. I said no. I didn’t like the name and felt there was nothing in that name coming from me or my side. I felt like a surrogate. He asked me my name suggestions didn’t like any of them said they didn’t go with the middle name. He slightly liked one name off my list and I said that I wasn’t sure on it because I wanted to see the baby first to see if it suited him. Gave birth he said in the delivery room to his father I could name the baby that it’s fair he chose the middle name and last name. He then went back on this when I chose a name saying that I can choose a name but it has to be one we both agree on? Yet I didn’t want the middle name he chose as I don’t like the name, it has ties in my life already and his father isn’t that great of a man. I didn’t want my son named after him when I see naming your child after someone as an honour. I told him this. Time was running out I had to register him soon or get a fine and we still hadn’t decided on a name. He kept repeating the name that was on my list that I wasn’t sure about which after meeting the baby I’d said no it doesn’t suit him I don’t like it. He then kept saying that name when I’d ask him for suggestions and even was telling people that’s the name. The name my son has he doesn’t like and said no to. I gave him a dozen suggestions after that he said no to everyone. I asked him for suggestions he just kept repeating the same name. I was at a loss with him. He wanted it his way or no way really. In the end he told me to just choose his name. Even on the way to the registry I asked him for any last minute name suggestions he still continued repeating the same name. Again told me to do what I want. So I did. I called him the name I liked gave him the middle name he wanted that I didn’t like. Gave him their last name but also put mine down. So he has a double barrel. That didn’t go well either he didn’t want that. In my eyes we’re not married, double barrel last names are common now, and I’d done nothing but put the baby first from the minute I found out about him. His father didn’t. But that’s another story. So why shouldn’t I put my last name there to. He now refuses to call the baby by his name, calls him junior, and it’s gotten to the point he corrects people and tells them not to call him by his name. And even introduces him as junior. He tries to say it’s a ‘nickname’ but it’s not. It’s him refusing to acknowledge his sons name and trying to change his identity. Recently found out also he doesn’t like the name as someone with the same name smacked him round the head with a baseball bat when he was younger. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
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CareBear12 · Yesterday 15:38

Branleuse · Yesterday 15:28

I'd ignore it because he's doing it as a power thing and just wants to be in control. I would roll my eyes and continue calling him his name, and if he wants to use the name junior then just treat it like a nickname. I don't think it will be confusing to have a nickname, and if he sees you are upset by it he will double down.

I feel like it maybe is just a power thing because he wants him to be just like him. He can never say he looks like me, he was obsessed with the baby having his eyes the whole of my pregnancy. Wants him dressed the same as him it just feels like he’s pushing himself onto him instead of allowing him to be his own person. Giving the baby my last name as well as his pushed him over the edge also. It’s like he forgets he also has half my dna and has family members on my side.

OP posts:
FlyingApple · Yesterday 15:39

Well what a prince you have found. I can't see this working long term.

BeFluentTraybake · Yesterday 15:41

Sounds like you had a child with a child

CareBear12 · Yesterday 15:41

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · Yesterday 15:36

The fact you call him “baby dad” rather than partner says it all.

Sorry i referred to him as baby dad because I didn’t want it becoming confusing as I was also talkin about his father. Because I wasn’t mentioning names, mentioning father twice might of made it confusing.

OP posts:
BeFluentTraybake · Yesterday 15:45

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · Yesterday 15:36

The fact you call him “baby dad” rather than partner says it all.

Wow aren't you a judgmental little treat

BeFluentTraybake · Yesterday 15:46

CareBear12 · Yesterday 15:38

I feel like it maybe is just a power thing because he wants him to be just like him. He can never say he looks like me, he was obsessed with the baby having his eyes the whole of my pregnancy. Wants him dressed the same as him it just feels like he’s pushing himself onto him instead of allowing him to be his own person. Giving the baby my last name as well as his pushed him over the edge also. It’s like he forgets he also has half my dna and has family members on my side.

Sounds like a narcissist

Supporting2026 · Yesterday 15:48

He sounds awful and I don't think you will win this fight by changing your kids name - so just keep your child's name the one you wanted so that when inevitably the child grows up and has a good relationship with you/terrible relationship with his dad he will at least feel like his name came from someone he has a good relationship with. His dad rejecting his name is unfortunately not going to be the worst thing this guy does to make your son feel invalidated from the sounds of it - the rest will matter much more - and there is nothing you can do about except exiting this relationship and being the best mother you can be/building lots of other strong relationships for him with your family/friends.

Supporting2026 · Yesterday 15:50

Also - I hope you understand how unbelievably self-centred it is to try and name a child your own name, your father's name and your surname - that is seriously narcissistic.

CareBear12 · Yesterday 16:00

Supporting2026 · Yesterday 15:50

Also - I hope you understand how unbelievably self-centred it is to try and name a child your own name, your father's name and your surname - that is seriously narcissistic.

I did feel that way and everytime he’d tell people about that name and some would say it’s a nice name I felt ganged up on. Others would say it was self centred. I just felt like I was carrying a baby for him rather than having a baby with him

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · Yesterday 16:05

I like the name Mason. Just keep calling DS it and don’t get into a discussion with the baby’s dad. Literally ignore any discussion on this.

Meadowfinch · Yesterday 16:09

I wouldn't worry too much OP.

When you split up - which looks inevitable - a man that selfish and arrogant will find a new woman, have another child and forget about your son pretty quickly. Then there will be no confusion around names.

And for the record, I don't think you've done anything wrong either. Mason is lovely and double barrelled is fine in the circumstances and you've each chosen a christian name so it's completely fair.

Mason Peterson Smith or Mason Griggs Slater or something like that sounds great

Monty36 · Yesterday 16:09

He doesn’t sound like the sort of man who is going to change his mind about what he calls his son.
I don’t know what you can do. Legally, his name is Mason from what you say.
So when he goes to school, or for anything that requires formal, legal information he has to be Mason. Regardless of what his dad wants to call him.

I would treat his dad’s name of Junior as a sort of nickname.

Delici · Yesterday 16:12

Refer to DS as Mason junior to piss the dad off 😂

intrepidpanda · Yesterday 16:15

Poor kid being brought into this shitshow of a relationship

FancyBiscuitsLevel · Yesterday 16:22

Mason is a perfectly normal and lovely name.

(it also has the benefit of being a name few people will misspell and will be relatively easy for him to learn to spell and read when he gets older)

You don’t do anything really, anyone other than your partner, you correct them “actually his names Mason.” All registration needs to be under Mason. Daddy can has a nickname for him, everyone else, his school his family his friends, will call him Mason.

Agapornis · Yesterday 16:25

Plenty of people give their children fake names on socials to protect their privacy, so I wouldn't worry about that 'announcement'.
It sounds like he won't be in his baby's life the moment the novelty wears off, so it may not be a problem for much longer. Apply for child maintenance if he's not paid anything for 2 months.

Specialagentblond · Yesterday 16:50

What does he call him then?

StrandedStarfish · Yesterday 16:52

I think Mason is a lovely name

Shitmonger · Yesterday 17:08

I thought I remembered your username. You’ve been posting about what a piece of shit this guy is since you were around 5 weeks pregnant. Many people advised you to terminate and not tie yourself to him. You also used the phrase “he’s been trying to get me pregnant,” which users pointed out was a red flag for controlling behaviour. (And also it was planned.)

The answer is the same. Leave and parent alone. Prepare for him to continue to be horrible and controlling and learn strategies to deal with it because it’s not going to get better. You’ll probably need to plan and save for court fees because the likelihood that he’ll be amicable and reasonable about coparenting is slim.

rokama · Yesterday 17:21

CareBear12 · Yesterday 15:07

I went with the name Mason

Mason is a lovely name. I can understand why you're annoyed with your partner's refusal to use your child's name, but that's his choice. Just make sure nursery/school uses his actual name.

Also, kudos to you for giving your child your last name! I don't understand why it's still so common to only give the father's last name.

muggart · Yesterday 17:48

mason is a nice name, youve done the right thing not caving to his silly demands.

i wouldn’t dwell on him using junior as a nickname. it’s common for parents to have special names for their kids. just make a point to say “come here mason” in front of other people so they know.

remind yourself that you have basically “won” when it comes to the name and his silly little rebellion makes no difference. Mason is his name.

yogpot · Yesterday 17:54

Mason is a lovely name. And of course he should have your surname too. You sound like a lovely mum. Bin the dad off. By the sounds of it once you do poor Mason won’t see much of him anyway, so you won’t have to worry about the name confusion at least.

LivingTheDreamish · Yesterday 19:07

Well he's a controlling prick isn't he?

Agree you are dealing with a malignant narcissist here OP. The only acceptable name for baby was his own name, and when that didn't happen his default name is "junior" i.e. mini-me. He will be incapable of seeing Mason as a separate (albeit little!) deeply loved and valued person. Mason is a really good name and I'm so glad you picked it and insisted on your surname too. Just keep putting Mason first and being the lovely mum you clearly are.

Too bad about the baseball bat connection but he should have spoken up when he had the chance. It may not even be true.

LiveLuvLaugh · Today 09:25

Hardgarden · Yesterday 14:54

This will be the tip of the iceberg re what is unfair for this child

He was willing to compromise by choosing a first given name from your shortlist and dropping his insistence on both of his family given names and family name, but you then withdrew this because your baby, in your view, didn’t “look” the name. Having a baby means it’s not all about you any longer - if this man is on your son’s Birth Certificate he has equal parental rights/responsibility. Can I ask why ‘Mason’ - it it a family name on your side? Is your baby’s Dad from a culture that names babies after the father’s side? Have you talked to him about why it’s so important to him that your son’s names confirm his paternity? Does the fact that you are not married make this more important to him and his wider family?
I don’t think being nicknamed “Junior” by his Dad’s side and called “Mason” by you will make any difference to your son - in fact as you aren’t in a relationship as parents (the fact that he isn’t contributing financially to your baby regardless of the sexual situation between you makes this clear) it may in fact help your son by confirming his place in his Dad’s life as you and baby’s dad aren’t going to last the course.
About his lack of financial support - does he have other children to support? And are you claiming all the benefits you’re entitled to if he is not supporting you both?

user1492757084 · Today 09:41

Mason is a handsome name.

Ignore Mason's father.
Once Mason is in school and has friends calling him Mason, he will not like being called Junior and will correc this Dad probably.

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