Babydad hates our sons name and refuses to use it

[CareBear12]

Father refuses to call his baby by his actual name. Has anyone got any advice? My baby is nearly 5 months old and has his name. His father hates it. Through out my pregnancy we couldn’t agree on a name. He wanted to name the baby after himself. ___ junior. He also wanted the baby’s middle name to be his father’s middle name and then their last name. I said no. I didn’t like the name and felt there was nothing in that name coming from me or my side. I felt like a surrogate. He asked me my name suggestions didn’t like any of them said they didn’t go with the middle name. He slightly liked one name off my list and I said that I wasn’t sure on it because I wanted to see the baby first to see if it suited him. Gave birth he said in the delivery room to his father I could name the baby that it’s fair he chose the middle name and last name. He then went back on this when I chose a name saying that I can choose a name but it has to be one we both agree on? Yet I didn’t want the middle name he chose as I don’t like the name, it has ties in my life already and his father isn’t that great of a man. I didn’t want my son named after him when I see naming your child after someone as an honour. I told him this. Time was running out I had to register him soon or get a fine and we still hadn’t decided on a name. He kept repeating the name that was on my list that I wasn’t sure about which after meeting the baby I’d said no it doesn’t suit him I don’t like it. He then kept saying that name when I’d ask him for suggestions and even was telling people that’s the name. The name my son has he doesn’t like and said no to. I gave him a dozen suggestions after that he said no to everyone. I asked him for suggestions he just kept repeating the same name. I was at a loss with him. He wanted it his way or no way really. In the end he told me to just choose his name. Even on the way to the registry I asked him for any last minute name suggestions he still continued repeating the same name. Again told me to do what I want. So I did. I called him the name I liked gave him the middle name he wanted that I didn’t like. Gave him their last name but also put mine down. So he has a double barrel. That didn’t go well either he didn’t want that. In my eyes we’re not married, double barrel last names are common now, and I’d done nothing but put the baby first from the minute I found out about him. His father didn’t. But that’s another story. So why shouldn’t I put my last name there to. He now refuses to call the baby by his name, calls him junior, and it’s gotten to the point he corrects people and tells them not to call him by his name. And even introduces him as junior. He tries to say it’s a ‘nickname’ but it’s not. It’s him refusing to acknowledge his sons name and trying to change his identity. Recently found out also he doesn’t like the name as someone with the same name smacked him round the head with a baseball bat when he was younger. I don’t know what to do.

Uh, this is the understatement of the century. This is a man with totally fucked up priorities.

@CareBear12 , would you ever have wasted all this brain power on this problem if he hadn’t forced you to, by being a selfish cunt?

Just break up. I don’t often say that, because people should work on relationships, but if he cares more about the baby’s name than the actual baby, the relationship is fucked. Because OF COURSE you’ll start to hate him for that. It’s natural.

And this is going to hurt so let’s just rip the bandage off quickly: IF he wasn’t a selfish cunt, he would have proposed and actually married you legally whilst you were pregnant (you can have the “wedding” at any point), so that you and your bub would have more protection in our society - right now, if you break up, you’re entitled to damn near nothing. A small pittance from CMS. The fact he wasn’t willing to risk his financial well-being on a woman and his own child says a lot. Is he even your legal next of kin? If he’s not, that means you still trust your parents more than you trust him, to take care of your baby and be there if you got hit by a bus 😔

Note: I’m only talking about right here, right now, in the UK. We know single mothers here struggle, and he’s setting you up to become a single mum. If you lived in Norway or somewhere where the government makes it financially “safe” to raise a child on your own without struggling, my answer would be wildly different and wouldn’t involve marriage at all.

Your child is not a pet, and your baby’s father acts like the baby is. It’s not a fucking puppy. The baby’s name will end up being one of the “least” of the things that make up who he is. As his mum, you already understand this baby’s potential. Shame his dad is too stupid to see it 🙄

I’m sorry that what should be a special time for you is being ruined by this nonsense. I’m glad you gave your baby your surname, and the name you like. As time goes on, people will just use his name and your BF will have to get used to it - if he wants to use a nickname himself then that’s up to him.

My BF generally calls his son ‘Little Man’ rather than his actual name (which is beyond cringey and awful, but hopefully has an expiry date!)

Why didn’t you pick a name each? That way everyone had a name they like.

Blooming heck leave this man and get rid od the double barrelled surname and revert it to your name only. He is a manchild and will only get worse not better. He also has an interfering family which makes it worse.

It does sound messy, but do you know what? In my culture is standard to call children especially boys by a nickname. So when we had our son everyone else called him by his name and I used / use a mix of sometimes the nick name I gave him and sometimes his legal name. Prob the difference is my nickname is a term of endearment for my son while your baby’s father is being tricky. BUT since junior is a common nickname, I would just leave this. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate and unfort your baby’s dad found very immature so I am sure you have so much to deal with.

He sounds awful OP. So stubborn and immature. I would give it a last ditch attempt to find a name you both agree on, as it’ll be so sad for your son to look back and know that his parents fought over and gave him different names from day 1.

Sit him down and try to get agreement from him that you both need to agree on a name and why that’s so important for your son. Set a rule that you’re both allowed to veto names and once vetoed you can’t keep bringing it up.

Regardless of the outcome I hope you leave him and limit his influence on your son as far as possible.

It sounds like you don't want to stay with this man anyway, so I suggest the sooner you put the wheels in motion to split up, the better. Call Women's Aid for help with the first steps.

I love the name mason. At the end of the day you chose a nice name and that’s all that matters, not someone else’s ego! Your boyfriend is acting crazy! Who tells people they’re going to name their child after them before discussing it with the mother of the child?! My husband wanted to name our child these horrible names with the middle name after his mother (Joan). Yeah okay I’m not doing that because I actually like my child and want her to have a nice name! He is being ridiculous correcting people and calling him junior though. I don’t even know how you can stop him doing that?!

Your partner sounds massively immature. Your son, is a small human, not a doll to be dressed up, just like Daddy and paraded around. The fact he wanted to name your child after himself (with Junior) added to the end, just confirms that he sees his son as an extension of himself, rather than an individual person, completely separate to him.

Your partner using the name Junior is the least of your worries to be honest. Your son's legal name is Mason, and that's the name he will need to be registered at school, with the GP etc. Each time he introduces his son as Junior, correct him 'His legal name is Mason, but X uses the nickname Junior'. If you're asked why your partner uses Junior, be honest... because he dislikes his name Mason. Don't cover for him!

Your relationship sounds dead in the water. You'd be better to split up., and try to co-parent amicably. You'll have zero say in how your son is introduced to people, or if people call him Mason or Junior, once you split anyway. Your partner wanted his son named after him, and because you called his bluff, when he said name him what you want, he's now punishing you. I don't think he possibly expected you to register your son as Mason, but give in to his demands at the last minute.

Your partner is a dickhead. Correct him every time he calls your baby 'Junior'. I don't think you should still be in a relationship with him as he sounds awful in other ways too.

A small blessing. Leave this idiot!!

I think it might have been a misunderstanding - and that OP meant 'my baby's dad', to avoid confusion with her partner's own dad; however, the term 'babydad' or 'babymum' is invariably used to refer to somebody you're no longer in a relationship with and have no feelings for, but with whom you share a child.

Your baby needs a name that both parents agree to use. Just find one and rename him . There must be a name that you both like. Then think about what else is wrong and whether the relationship can be saved.

Wanting his baby to be dressed like him is just weird. Obviously the baby will need to wear clothes that are practical and appropriate for a baby, so I suppose the only way around it is he (the baby's father) starts routinely wearing babygros, potato-sack sleepsuits and dribble-bibs!! Maybe give him a rattle and a teething ring too?!

“Babydad”

🫣

@CareBear12Firstly I LOVE the name Mason !! That was my boy name but never had the boy and definitely not going again 😂

tbh he sounds like a prick. By the tone I sense you wouldn’t want your son growing to be his “junior” anyway.
most of these little wastemen say junior as a nickname for their sons or little man. Definitely name on socials Mason ….. and for school etc

obviously all of your family and friends will just know Mason he won’t be confused he’ll just know his dad will call him junior.
sounds like he wants a mini me and I’ll guarantee your be doing the best you can to make sure he’s anything like his father.
also you sound like you’ve been too fair regarding having the grandfathers name masons middle name even though he isn’t the man you want your son honouring then in my advice.. take the name out secretly
change his name. My sister done it with her kids the father went to prison came out but on the form she just said in prison that’s why he couldn’t sign and they never checked.
hes still unaware they no longer have his name but it’s amusing when he threatens court every now and then 10 years later because he’s no longer on the birth certificates 😂
has no idea!
anyway moving on and what I’m trying to say is that you don’t seem your going to be together long and having baby Mason has probably opened your eyes up that this is not the kind of boy you want raising your son to be a man. Or the role model you want. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
if you don’t start making arrangements now I promise you this will go on for the rest of your life.
he’ll never know anyway sounds like he won’t be the one doing passports you can say they don’t put middle names in passport and in school they won’t put middle name on anything. All three of mine not one official document from school reports anything nothing says their middle name.
but you can start doing things to make your future better. You’ll kick yourself for ever compromising the middle name and also so so so proud of you for adding in your last name I wish I had done that with mine all those years ago. They just use it as a control and don’t realise the gift they have been given !!!!!

your body gave life to this child don’t hand him over to some prick on a silver platter that won’t even acknowledge you done this x

Dump him now.

I'm willing to bet that your son will grow up hearing the name you've given him far more often as a result when this piece of crap inevitably moves on.

What a horrid man. Mason is a lovely name and I would just make sure any childcare know jts Mason and just keep correcting people ! Do it even if it's awkward .

I really hope you leave this man ! What kind if man doesn't even buy formula.

I find it really arrogant when people give their children the same name as their (usually) dad or (occasionally) mum. It's a way of saying that this baby's only importance is in being MY child. The surname already provides the family link.

One of the very basic purposes of a name is to distinguish you within your own family - obviously there will be many people from outside your family with the same first name - so it falls at the very first hurdle. It's even worse when people find a nickname that they exclusively use for the baby, or use the baby's middle name to differentiate from the parent. It's stupid; just choose a different name that isn't already taken by somebody else in the immediate family.

Notice also how you never get people call the baby after his father and then refer to the baby as John, with the dad telling everybody to call him John Senior, or changing to be known by his middle name. Just like you never get parents who are determined to saddle their baby with a ridiculous name changing their own normal name to that stupid one and giving the baby a normal, reasonable one. Interesting, eh?

Exactly! Your baby's name is the least of your worries.

If he's so obsessed about only defining the baby in the context of him being centred as the father, Mason is already very similar to 'my son' - especially if he happens to have a Glaswegian accent!

are you together?

why was his dad (baby’s dad’s dad) in the delivery room?

‘Babydad’ made me think you were talking about a 16 year old.
‘Baby’s dad’ would have been clearer.

How old are you? Do you live together? Does he work? How are finances split? If you’re living separately with separate finances I’d be inclined to cut your losses. Good work on the surname that will make life a lot easier.

Babymum has bigger issues than babydad not liking baby name.