Babydad hates our sons name and refuses to use it

[CareBear12]

Father refuses to call his baby by his actual name. Has anyone got any advice? My baby is nearly 5 months old and has his name. His father hates it. Through out my pregnancy we couldn’t agree on a name. He wanted to name the baby after himself. ___ junior. He also wanted the baby’s middle name to be his father’s middle name and then their last name. I said no. I didn’t like the name and felt there was nothing in that name coming from me or my side. I felt like a surrogate. He asked me my name suggestions didn’t like any of them said they didn’t go with the middle name. He slightly liked one name off my list and I said that I wasn’t sure on it because I wanted to see the baby first to see if it suited him. Gave birth he said in the delivery room to his father I could name the baby that it’s fair he chose the middle name and last name. He then went back on this when I chose a name saying that I can choose a name but it has to be one we both agree on? Yet I didn’t want the middle name he chose as I don’t like the name, it has ties in my life already and his father isn’t that great of a man. I didn’t want my son named after him when I see naming your child after someone as an honour. I told him this. Time was running out I had to register him soon or get a fine and we still hadn’t decided on a name. He kept repeating the name that was on my list that I wasn’t sure about which after meeting the baby I’d said no it doesn’t suit him I don’t like it. He then kept saying that name when I’d ask him for suggestions and even was telling people that’s the name. The name my son has he doesn’t like and said no to. I gave him a dozen suggestions after that he said no to everyone. I asked him for suggestions he just kept repeating the same name. I was at a loss with him. He wanted it his way or no way really. In the end he told me to just choose his name. Even on the way to the registry I asked him for any last minute name suggestions he still continued repeating the same name. Again told me to do what I want. So I did. I called him the name I liked gave him the middle name he wanted that I didn’t like. Gave him their last name but also put mine down. So he has a double barrel. That didn’t go well either he didn’t want that. In my eyes we’re not married, double barrel last names are common now, and I’d done nothing but put the baby first from the minute I found out about him. His father didn’t. But that’s another story. So why shouldn’t I put my last name there to. He now refuses to call the baby by his name, calls him junior, and it’s gotten to the point he corrects people and tells them not to call him by his name. And even introduces him as junior. He tries to say it’s a ‘nickname’ but it’s not. It’s him refusing to acknowledge his sons name and trying to change his identity. Recently found out also he doesn’t like the name as someone with the same name smacked him round the head with a baseball bat when he was younger. I don’t know what to do.

Agreed. A malicious nickname is going to hit differently than a term of endearment. OP will end up resenting this man; she already does. But I agree with this, OP. Leave the man, keep the baby (do it mentally right now - his opinion doesn’t matter, and when you’re ready to end the physical relationship, you will). You will have MANY, many other problems with this man. He’s messy.

I'm still getting over the image of FIL in the delivery room. On the phone?

Once your DS is in nursery and school he'll know his name. Unlike his father, who'll be long gone by then.

Ignore your partner, he sounds like utter trash. And you know your FIL who you dislike? Get used to it, partner sounds like his father's son.

Run.

You did everything you could to come to a compromise but he just wouldn't do that, he sounds pretty unreasonable. It does sound as though you could be heading for a split in the future, the best of luck to you.

My DH was named after his father, this is common in his family but is a real nuisance as they get older - identical name with "Junior" on the cheque book for example. DH hates it. Grandmothers used to choose the middle name for all the sons if they escaped the total father's names.
As@user1492757084 says, he'll be called Mason at school so being called "Junior" should die a natural death.

I’d have to see your list of names to see if Yabu!

My dh rejected every single name I suggested while I was pregnant with our first child. Literally dozens. In the end I stopped suggesting names in case we ran out, and said we’d wait til dd arrived.

His mother also started vetoing names, I discovered. First grandchild, she wanted in! She wanted a very traditional (and not mainstream) name to reflect her family’s ethnicity. Which I gently refused as the three names proposed were not nice.

In the end we compromised on a first name that was a milder name from DH’s ethnic roots, and a middle name I picked because I liked it - dmil then spent about two solid days researching the family tree to prove it was a variant of a name in her family tree, so that she could “get behind the choice.”

All a bit nuts if you ask me!

I think that dads and PILs don’t always feel very close to the pregnancy so naming the baby becomes a huge big deal.

I really don’t understand why, when your dp held out an olive branch and accepted one of the names on your list, you didn’t just go “fine”. Why on earth did you say “I changed my mind I don’t think it suits him.” That would have really wound your dp up, perhaps unsurprising then he refused to compromise. You’re making it sound like he wouldn’t agree to anything but it seems like he kinda tried and you refused.

You don’t really have a “right” to name the baby just because you birthed it, any more than he does just because he is the father.

I’ve never thought the first name suits my dd and almost immediately I started using a cute nn that was not even slightly associated - for example name might be Meena and I called the baby Poppy.

But over the years I’ve got used to it and of course my dd uses her real name so now I do too.

My advice therefore is to just wait - your dh will get used to your son’s real name and the nn will tend to just get used within the family.

If he tells people he’s using the nn Junior, you can say, “dp is very proud of being a dad! Me and my family use his given name, Mason so feel free to use either.” Kids aren’t dumb - the learn to respond to nn as well as real names quite quickly .

Do you live together?
If not, contact the CMA and get a claim put in for child maintenance.

If you do live together - just why? Leave the prick asap and get on with building your life with your son.

Baby names are not the real issue - they are merely a distraction from what you really need to be focussing on.

Mason is a great name.
However I cannot see one redeeming feature for his father. Why are you with such a nasty, controlling man-child?
You need to really have a hard think about having this apology for a man in your life. Is he honestly going to be a role model for your son?? 🚩🚩🚩🚩

My next door neighbour calls her son Junior. He is an adult so I asked him what he liked to be called. He said Adrian so that's what I call him.

Your son won't be too concerned as he gets older so long as people call him what he likes to be called.

Sorry your man is such an idiot.

Advanced search and examine earlier threads.

It’s not unusual to be called different names by different people. Its generally not at all confusing. I’ve been called by two names my whole life. And my sibling all call me another name.
Your Problem isn’t the name you have given your son it’s the father that you’ve given him.

Stopped reading at "babydad" FFs he is the father of your child.

The thing I don't get with 'Senior' and 'Junior' is that you (usually) have your name for your whole life. It might sound all nice and sensible referring to a child as junior and their parent as senior; but even if you give every single baby born in the family line of that sex the exact same name, there will come a time when the original 'senior' is long gone and the 'junior' might have three or even four younger generations of juniors below them. What happens? Does every person move up one 'level' every time the oldest one dies; and how many variations of elderly-senior, ultra-senior, senior, junior, young-junior, teen-junior, baby junior or whatever are there?!

It was amusing in Are You Being Served, when they had a very old man (the actor was born in the 19th century) playing a character called 'Young' Mr Grace; but it just sounds so preventably confusing in real life.

I really dislike junior.