Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Babydad hates our sons name and refuses to use it

50 replies

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:35

Father refuses to call his baby by his actual name. Has anyone got any advice? My baby is nearly 5 months old and has his name. His father hates it. Through out my pregnancy we couldn’t agree on a name. He wanted to name the baby after himself. ___ junior. He also wanted the baby’s middle name to be his father’s middle name and then their last name. I said no. I didn’t like the name and felt there was nothing in that name coming from me or my side. I felt like a surrogate. He asked me my name suggestions didn’t like any of them said they didn’t go with the middle name. He slightly liked one name off my list and I said that I wasn’t sure on it because I wanted to see the baby first to see if it suited him. Gave birth he said in the delivery room to his father I could name the baby that it’s fair he chose the middle name and last name. He then went back on this when I chose a name saying that I can choose a name but it has to be one we both agree on? Yet I didn’t want the middle name he chose as I don’t like the name, it has ties in my life already and his father isn’t that great of a man. I didn’t want my son named after him when I see naming your child after someone as an honour. I told him this. Time was running out I had to register him soon or get a fine and we still hadn’t decided on a name. He kept repeating the name that was on my list that I wasn’t sure about which after meeting the baby I’d said no it doesn’t suit him I don’t like it. He then kept saying that name when I’d ask him for suggestions and even was telling people that’s the name. The name my son has he doesn’t like and said no to. I gave him a dozen suggestions after that he said no to everyone. I asked him for suggestions he just kept repeating the same name. I was at a loss with him. He wanted it his way or no way really. In the end he told me to just choose his name. Even on the way to the registry I asked him for any last minute name suggestions he still continued repeating the same name. Again told me to do what I want. So I did. I called him the name I liked gave him the middle name he wanted that I didn’t like. Gave him their last name but also put mine down. So he has a double barrel. That didn’t go well either he didn’t want that. In my eyes we’re not married, double barrel last names are common now, and I’d done nothing but put the baby first from the minute I found out about him. His father didn’t. But that’s another story. So why shouldn’t I put my last name there to. He now refuses to call the baby by his name, calls him junior, and it’s gotten to the point he corrects people and tells them not to call him by his name. And even introduces him as junior. He tries to say it’s a ‘nickname’ but it’s not. It’s him refusing to acknowledge his sons name and trying to change his identity. Recently found out also he doesn’t like the name as someone with the same name smacked him round the head with a baseball bat when he was younger. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Hardgarden · Yesterday 14:38

Might as well just jump to when the two of you inevitably split up

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:41

Hardgarden · Yesterday 14:38

Might as well just jump to when the two of you inevitably split up

Seems like it’s heading that way anyway for other reasons he doesn’t have his priorities straight

OP posts:
Hardgarden · Yesterday 14:42

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:41

Seems like it’s heading that way anyway for other reasons he doesn’t have his priorities straight

I’m not the least bit surprised

socks1107 · Yesterday 14:45

Your son is a little person and his Dad is behaving like a child. Do you bicker about other things or is this isolated?

pimplebum · Yesterday 14:45

Fuck me your relationship is bad

not worth arguing over , let dad call his son what he likes and you call him by his name and dont get het up over it

baby can cope with the name thing but I worry about all the arguing

pimplebum · Yesterday 14:47

Also surprised there is only one person who has smacked him over head

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:48

socks1107 · Yesterday 14:45

Your son is a little person and his Dad is behaving like a child. Do you bicker about other things or is this isolated?

Usually bicker about me asking him to get his priorities straight. He’ll spend money on things for himself and yet doesn’t even get his son a box of formula. Last time he brought his son anything was February.

OP posts:
CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:51

pimplebum · Yesterday 14:45

Fuck me your relationship is bad

not worth arguing over , let dad call his son what he likes and you call him by his name and dont get het up over it

baby can cope with the name thing but I worry about all the arguing

Im just getting upset about it now because I don’t think it’s fair to the baby as he grows up hearing two different names. It’ll be confusing and possibly even feeling rejected by his dad’s refusal to say his name? And I’m just finding it disrespectful now that he’s trying to change his identity by telling people not to call him by his name but instead junior and even Introducing him as junior. The first post he also made about the baby he introduced him as junior so now everyone thinks that’s his name. It’s just so childish of him. I didn’t like the middle name but still went ahead with it to try make it fair.

OP posts:
Weirdconditionaltense · Yesterday 14:53

Why have you brought a child into this mess ?. I hope the dad will settle down. all the best Op.

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:54

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:35

Father refuses to call his baby by his actual name. Has anyone got any advice? My baby is nearly 5 months old and has his name. His father hates it. Through out my pregnancy we couldn’t agree on a name. He wanted to name the baby after himself. ___ junior. He also wanted the baby’s middle name to be his father’s middle name and then their last name. I said no. I didn’t like the name and felt there was nothing in that name coming from me or my side. I felt like a surrogate. He asked me my name suggestions didn’t like any of them said they didn’t go with the middle name. He slightly liked one name off my list and I said that I wasn’t sure on it because I wanted to see the baby first to see if it suited him. Gave birth he said in the delivery room to his father I could name the baby that it’s fair he chose the middle name and last name. He then went back on this when I chose a name saying that I can choose a name but it has to be one we both agree on? Yet I didn’t want the middle name he chose as I don’t like the name, it has ties in my life already and his father isn’t that great of a man. I didn’t want my son named after him when I see naming your child after someone as an honour. I told him this. Time was running out I had to register him soon or get a fine and we still hadn’t decided on a name. He kept repeating the name that was on my list that I wasn’t sure about which after meeting the baby I’d said no it doesn’t suit him I don’t like it. He then kept saying that name when I’d ask him for suggestions and even was telling people that’s the name. The name my son has he doesn’t like and said no to. I gave him a dozen suggestions after that he said no to everyone. I asked him for suggestions he just kept repeating the same name. I was at a loss with him. He wanted it his way or no way really. In the end he told me to just choose his name. Even on the way to the registry I asked him for any last minute name suggestions he still continued repeating the same name. Again told me to do what I want. So I did. I called him the name I liked gave him the middle name he wanted that I didn’t like. Gave him their last name but also put mine down. So he has a double barrel. That didn’t go well either he didn’t want that. In my eyes we’re not married, double barrel last names are common now, and I’d done nothing but put the baby first from the minute I found out about him. His father didn’t. But that’s another story. So why shouldn’t I put my last name there to. He now refuses to call the baby by his name, calls him junior, and it’s gotten to the point he corrects people and tells them not to call him by his name. And even introduces him as junior. He tries to say it’s a ‘nickname’ but it’s not. It’s him refusing to acknowledge his sons name and trying to change his identity. Recently found out also he doesn’t like the name as someone with the same name smacked him round the head with a baseball bat when he was younger. I don’t know what to do.

he also told his dad what the baby’s middle name would be before we’d even agreed he just again wanted that so end of conversation making it harder for me to disagree because he said well I’ve already told my dad now we’ve named him after him.

OP posts:
Hardgarden · Yesterday 14:54

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:51

Im just getting upset about it now because I don’t think it’s fair to the baby as he grows up hearing two different names. It’ll be confusing and possibly even feeling rejected by his dad’s refusal to say his name? And I’m just finding it disrespectful now that he’s trying to change his identity by telling people not to call him by his name but instead junior and even Introducing him as junior. The first post he also made about the baby he introduced him as junior so now everyone thinks that’s his name. It’s just so childish of him. I didn’t like the middle name but still went ahead with it to try make it fair.

This will be the tip of the iceberg re what is unfair for this child

DreamyPenn · Yesterday 14:59

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:51

Im just getting upset about it now because I don’t think it’s fair to the baby as he grows up hearing two different names. It’ll be confusing and possibly even feeling rejected by his dad’s refusal to say his name? And I’m just finding it disrespectful now that he’s trying to change his identity by telling people not to call him by his name but instead junior and even Introducing him as junior. The first post he also made about the baby he introduced him as junior so now everyone thinks that’s his name. It’s just so childish of him. I didn’t like the middle name but still went ahead with it to try make it fair.

I think it would be confusing because he possibly going to teach baby that his name is wrong name. using 2 different name wouldn't be confusing forever, but I don't think he respects you or your decisions. I think it's time for split.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · Yesterday 15:03

So I’m going to be nosy and ask the name.

However short of you calling your child beelzabub or something that’s not a name, his dad needs to get over it.

Good thing you had put your surname down, there’s a good chance you’ll end up just using your half of the double barrel,

Do you and your partner live together?

FancyBiscuitsLevel · Yesterday 15:05

Re the two names being confusing - make sure you correct anyone else who uses the wrong name “actually his names xxxx” at preschool/nursery/school, put his real name, not junior or any nickname.

His dad has a nickname for him. That’s all. (Start preparing to split up though)

CareBear12 · Yesterday 15:07

FancyBiscuitsLevel · Yesterday 15:03

So I’m going to be nosy and ask the name.

However short of you calling your child beelzabub or something that’s not a name, his dad needs to get over it.

Good thing you had put your surname down, there’s a good chance you’ll end up just using your half of the double barrel,

Do you and your partner live together?

I went with the name Mason

OP posts:
CareBear12 · Yesterday 15:09

Weirdconditionaltense · Yesterday 14:53

Why have you brought a child into this mess ?. I hope the dad will settle down. all the best Op.

It wasn’t a planned pregnancy and a decision I thought about for a long time.

OP posts:
Hardgarden · Yesterday 15:13

How many children do you have with him?

CareBear12 · Yesterday 15:16

Hardgarden · Yesterday 15:13

How many children do you have with him?

Just one. This is our only child

OP posts:
Workinggreen · Yesterday 15:22

CareBear12 · Yesterday 14:41

Seems like it’s heading that way anyway for other reasons he doesn’t have his priorities straight

Oh I assumed you were already broken up tbh from the op. You don’t sound like you like him much and why would you.

He sounds awful, you can’t change him though and you can’t change who your son’s dad is now. All you can do is decide if you want to keep him around and to show your son you think this man is an acceptable partner, and try to encourage positive male role models so your son sees other types of men.
Fwiw the name you picked is lovely and you were being more than fair. Just treat jnr like a nickname his dads side of the family use, loads of kids go by loads of different names.

Ansjovis · Yesterday 15:25

Please tell me that you have some support other than the baby's father as this relationship sounds very dysfunctional. I wouldn't be surprised to find that what he's calling the baby is trivial in comparison to other problems that may exist here.

In relation to the name calling problem, all you can do is ignore him and make your family and friends aware of the situation so at least your people will use the correct name. Then you need to try and ignore what his family and friends do because that's outside of your influence.

MotherofPufflings · Yesterday 15:26

Tbh your child has got bigger problems than the name his father uses.

Branleuse · Yesterday 15:28

I'd ignore it because he's doing it as a power thing and just wants to be in control. I would roll my eyes and continue calling him his name, and if he wants to use the name junior then just treat it like a nickname. I don't think it will be confusing to have a nickname, and if he sees you are upset by it he will double down.

Bobbybobbins · Yesterday 15:31

I would leave the name issue for now but would start planning to leave him.

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · Yesterday 15:36

The fact you call him “baby dad” rather than partner says it all.

CareBear12 · Yesterday 15:36

Workinggreen · Yesterday 15:22

Oh I assumed you were already broken up tbh from the op. You don’t sound like you like him much and why would you.

He sounds awful, you can’t change him though and you can’t change who your son’s dad is now. All you can do is decide if you want to keep him around and to show your son you think this man is an acceptable partner, and try to encourage positive male role models so your son sees other types of men.
Fwiw the name you picked is lovely and you were being more than fair. Just treat jnr like a nickname his dads side of the family use, loads of kids go by loads of different names.

Thankyou after registering him I started doubting the name and even considered paying to change it to the name he wanted. But he’d never be as considerate so I just left it. I feel like it wouldn’t make a difference anyway when he wanted the baby’s name to be babydads name junior to begin with. So then I’d be calling him something else for nothing when he’d still call him junior.

OP posts: