Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

They're both as bad as each other. Neither willing to compromise. Doesn't bode well...

That’s not true at all. OP compromised 100% on their firstborn and now DH is reneging on the agreement.

My husband vetoed Aloysius :( I understood why, although I still love the name

😁

Yes, I think this is the problem. They agreed, however silly we may think that is. The first baby got his choice, now this baby should get her choice.

Nonsense. There's not an ounce of compromise in this daft naming system.

I have come across a number of men like this. They must be exhausting to their families. With them, familiarity breeds contempt. They're usually charming and good fun to strangers, but confrontational and dismissive of their so-called "loved ones" because they don't believe that they have anything to say which is valuable and they think their own views and opinions are so much more valuable.

Exactly. The agreement and her concession on the first name was a compromise. He is now going back on his part of the compromise.

Your husband's choices are honking. Olive is such a frumpy name (sorry!) and has a totally different vibe to Athena. I'm not even going to give you my thoughts on Calliope.

I wouldn't choose Mary-Kate myself but it's fine, and nicer than your husband's choices. Francesca is lovely and definitely the best of the lot, in my opinion.

ETA: A deal's a deal. Your husband was perfectly happy to override your wishes when it was his turn, so he needs to shut up and take his medicine.

Perhaps the TRUE compromise here should be that DH change HIS name.

To Callioptholomew.
Calliopstopher would also be acceptable.
Or Calliopstian.

If he does this, he can name DD #2 whatever he’d like!

/joking - trying to inject a little levity since many of us seem to be back on about how much we hate/love OP’s or DH’s name choices and not on the actual subject of the post XD

Why didn't you each chose a first name OR a middle name for each child? It's not like one is going for very traditional names and the other is completely out there. You could have had Olive Francesca and Mary-Kate Athena and it would have probably been an easier compromise.

Personally I think Mary-Kate is hideously American but I don't love Olive either which sounds quite hard to me. But neither are so terribly terrible that I couldn't live with them and I'm amazed that you couldn't find any names that you both really liked.

This is worrying. Do you not get a say in anything when he has an opinion? Are you not practically a partner because he doesn’t care about your opinion?

This adds to my suspicion that he would not agree to any name that I've chosen

Well that's the issue isn't it?

Calliope (according to my Greek pronunciation Cally - o - pee) - Muse of epic poetry. I wouldn't choose it personally and it will be shortened to Cally.
Mary-Kate is on my don't like list. What is wrong with Katherine/Catherine/Kathryn (which can be shortened to Kate/Katie if wished). I like Theodora but probably not a popular name!
Olive Athena is interesting but I immediately think of Olive Oil, Popeye's perpetual girlfriend! Athena Francesca would be a good combination - and names such as Athena are very fashionable just now so there will be no problems with pronunciation, either. A compromise could be Sophia (means roughly the same as Athena re wisdom) and Katherine.
I see the dilemma. My first DC I chose the first name and my ex chose the second (and names were both chosen to reflect our different cultures). Second child ex chose first name and I chose the second. Both names entirely acceptable to both of us and entirely pronouncable with various acceptable diminutives.
Seems daft to have made a compromise that gave a child a name one parent doesn't like at all. Dafter still to name second child with another name one parent can't stand.

I think you are right because Patrick Kieran is perfectly lovely and not weird at all. He seems to be involved in a power struggle with you.

Whose surname do they have? If you have all adopted this man's surname then he shouldn't have had any naming rights. He's a cheeky bastard and he's used to having anything he wants because he automatically got to give his surname to his children for no good reason other than he has a penis and you went along with it.

The OP has an Olive!

I’ve been biting my lip but Mary-Kate is awful. Imagine your child as an adult saddled with that.

It’s a lovely name with the option of going by Mary, Kate or Katie.

The OP didn't choose that name and doesn't like it. It's a horrible name. And it doesn't go with the middle name - Athena.

Who is calling their child Vagina 😂😂

I presume there was an adjective missing there... but although Apple is quite an unusual name, you can hardly lump it in with calling a baby an actual name that means actual genitals and nothing else!

The average shop assistant or whoever needs to take your name umpteen times in your lifetime, may not, however, have a basic knowledge of Greek mythology.

So what? How often does a shop assistant need to take your name anyway? If it's something important the chances of it being spelt correctly without having to be spelled out are non- existent.

I have what is a very normal surname but over the centuries (ridiculous) variations have come into being with letters added to the point that these wrong versions almost always get chosen. My first name is a very normal French name- same applies.

Also what about all the Irish or Gaelic names? All the Saoirses , Sorchas, Sineads, Siobhans, Maireads

Your objection is ridiculous.

Imagine saddling anyone with a name like Olive.