Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

Surely, it's irrelevant whether posters like OP's DH's and OP's choices of names or not? Posters who like DH's choice of names but not OP's are supporting DH's wish to renege on the agreement that they made when OP was expecting their first child.

The whole point of the agreement is that they each get to choose the name of one child, even if the other parent absolutely hates the name. It's not something most people would agree to as couples can normally reach a compromise but OP's DH is definitely in the wrong. He can't back out now, having got his own way with their first child.

Oh dear.
I don't understand why on earth you didn't choose the middle name for your first child? Why did you let him choose both?!
I think the agreement was/is stupid but you should at least have chosen one name each.
FWIW, I much prefer Francesca to Mary-Kate.

All the posters giving their opinions on the suggested names are completely missing the point. Nothing extreme has been suggested by the OP, yet he believes he has the right to renege on the agreement after getting his own way the first time. Huge red flag

Is he particularly into Greek mythology or something? Is it very important to him? Were the boys names he wanted or suggested Greek themed?

Is this why he’s so insistent on naming the children his choice?

The names you both chose are recognisable names and not crazy although Ithink it's much nicer not to have the hyphen
I think both Mary and Francesca go well with Olive so you he should compromise and agree to Mary, Kate (or Catherine) Francesca.. or Francesca Mary Kate
It sounds though as though he won't accept any name you choose. His choices are very different

I bet you and DD have his surname, too.

Did you miss that they had an agreement he insisted on naming their first child something she didn't like and she got to name the second. Now he is changing his mind

Cece is absolutely lovely and fine for Francesca. I teach a Cece whose full name is Celeste, which I always think is beautiful.

Good luck whatever happens. You're in the right!

You can't call your child a name that its father hates.

He doesn't like Mary-Kate (individually or together) and Francesca at all. I can't imagine that he'd like my second choice either.

Is he generally a bully Op?

We do.

How far are you prepared to compromise? Will you stick to Mary-Kate Francesca?
I think Calliope is an awful name, I'm glad he doesn't get that choice.

Mary and Olive and Francesca and Olive go well together.
But he isn't going to like anything she chooses because he wants to choose

He hates all her choices. She doesn't like the be he chose for their first child.
He is going to hate everything she suggests.
She is carrying the baby and will give birth to the baby. He chooses this time

I also think this was a naive agreement to make. Naming your child is a significant thing that you both have to be on the same page about.

In theory, he should let you name them whatever you want because of your agreement but i think it's unreasonable to expect anyone to name their child something they don't like, even if it's a trade.

OP's DH called their child a name that OP hates. OP held up her side of the agreement by letting him choose. Now it's her DH's turn to let her choose, even if he hates the name.

Surely then OP's DH was unreasonable when he named their child a name that OP hated and still does? Why does he get to be totally unreasonable and get his own way on his choice of names with both children?

Insist on giving this baby your maiden name. He seems to get his own way a lot.

None of this is healthy.

It’s absolutely ridiculous to name a child something that the other parent dislikes, rather than give them a ‘dull’ name.

Whats wrong with a dull name?

You sound like 2 kids fighting over a toy, it’s pathetic.

The rule was ridiculous anyway but you may not have even got pregnant again.

The rule should have been that you chose the name but DH agreed.
You never choose one that your DP doesn’t like.
And vice versa.

Both of you should absolutely get a say.

Imagine if it was an absolutely name like apple or vagina.

But as you have this rule, then the best compromise would be for you to pick your top names and then him agreeing on one of them.

It's ridiculous, but it's what they both agreed. Her husband's choice of names for this baby are worse than OP's choices so there is no reason why he should get his own way again, just to keep the peace. That would mean that OP would have two daughters, both with names that she hated. No-one would agree to that.

He needs to suck it up. DH and I agreed for our third DC, we already had 1 boy and 1 girl, that we had both compromised on both their names, so had 2 DC that had names neither of us loved, if it was a girl he could choose and if a boy I would choose. It was a boy and I chose his names.

This, I just skipped two pages because I don't care at all what someone thinks of the names. What does it matter if teapot6478 likes his names but not hers? The point is that they compromised and made an agreement and he's now trying to back out or change the terms. She stuck to her part of the agreement, he should stick to his. That's it really.