Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

It's all subjective. I don't think it's ugly.

There’s two of you, you both have to like the name. Plus people change their minds. Op really not fair to insist on a name

Francesca is lovely. Mary-Kate sounds a bit Little House on the Prairie. His choice is ghastly, nobody other than a university don will know how to spell or pronounce it. Is he a scholar of Ancient Greek?

But OP should not choose a name DP hates. And if she did not like his choice 1st time round she should have said so. It's a stupid agreement. There are millions of names to give a child so it must be possible to compromise on something.

Mary and Olive are both names of a 'type' so not sure what his objection is.

Olive is a terrible name (though quite popular) and Calliope is no better, but I'm surprised he likes them both, they are very different.

That's a cute idea.

Mary-Kate is terrible but I really like Francesca.
Not keen on Olive, Olivia would have been better. Liv and Livvy are nice though

At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name

If you think Olive and Mary-Kate are edgy names, I’d hate to know what your ‘dull’ options were 🤣

I love Francesca and Mary, but I’m not really a fan of Mary-Kate. That’s irrelevant, though - you made an agreement with your husband and he ought to stick with it. It’s not as though you’re insisting on naming your child Princess Consuela Bananahammock, after all.

You need to tell your husband that he's an absolute cretin for trying to renege on your agreement and you won't stand for his.

His opinions are no more important than your opinions.

Calliope will never get her name pronounced correctly, she will constantly be correcting people.

Your H needs to realise that although you don’t like ‘Olive’ you accepted it as part of the deal. He now needs to do the same for you. He can’t claim an exception when you didn’t get an exception.

As soon as you can after the birth, get yourself to the registry office and register Mary-Kate’s name!

Give him the chance to veto 2 names after which the final choice is yours, if you must, but continuing to look for one you both like would be better.
Sorry but you sound a rather contentious couple! Are all your joint decisions so loaded?

Regardless of whether we like the names or not, the (rather daft imho) agreement was that OP has the say this time, and there’s nothing remotely extreme about her choices. At least Mary-Kate won’t have to go through life correcting spelling and pronunciation on a daily basis, as Calliope would.

As for Mary-Kate being associated with the Olsens, that won’t be an issue when the child is older. As shown by the fact that Olive will be forever linked in the mind of us oldies to Olive from On the Buses, and I think you’d all have to google her. 😊

It certainly a waste of a lovely name to reduce it to Fran (or Frankie).

I’m sorry OP, I know a deal’s a deal, but I’m with your DH. I don’t k like the names you’ve chosen and they really don’t marry well with your first daughter’s name.

I think it's unbelievable that two adults can't manage to find two names for their children that they can actually agree on.

It sounds like this relationship is doomed because of two people who cannot manage to discuss and compromise together.

I suspect there's far more issues in the relationship than this.

I think Mary-Kate seems to be a love/hate name.

He shouldn't be trying to go back on the agreement but I get why he really doesn't want Mary-Kate tbh.

It is sounding as if he just wants his choice again.

Has he not even said that he would prefer Francesca to Mary-Kate?

He just doesn't want to entertain your choices at all?

It's really convenient that he didn't change his mind before he named their 1st child. He willingly forfeited his say in naming the 2nd child at the moment that the 1st child was officially named. He went forward with it because he was getting his own way. Now he wants to dictate what OP can name their 2nd child because naming his 1st child entirely on his own wasn't good enough for him. It's very selfish.

His choices are bloody awful in my opinion

Yours are OK but I wouldn't put them all together i would have mary-kate OR francesca both seems a bit much for a name if I'm honest

My son has three name surname combo its a nightmare for form filling but it was my ex husbands choice

It's really not that difficult. Anyone with any knowledge of Greek mythology will know the name. Calliope is also a character in Netflix's Sandman series.

I know I am being super unhelpful, but I don't really see the difference in style for either or your selections. I find them both extreme, over the top and dramatic. It seems the two of you have very similar tastes and yet you hate each other's choices.

Is the naming thing the only thing going on in the relationship or is there more? Could it be that you hate each other's choices, because you didn't choose it yourselves? I am just reaching here, but I find this whole situation bizarre.

BrownRedPink

I honestly think most people would assume when it came to the time it would get resolved either through them both finding a name or something like that. Also I don’t think dictate is the word here, neither of them seems exactly ready to figure it out together (the agreement was crazy in the first place!!)

This

Calliope will never get her name pronounced correctly, she will constantly be correcting people.

For all of you saying that do you veto all the Irish names, many of which are lovely, but often the pronunciation bears no resemblance to the spelling from an English speaker's point of view?

She's completely fair. She was railroaded into allowing him to choose their first daughter's name with the agreement that she chooses this one.

He wants his cake and wants to eat it too. He gets no say this time. If he gets his way on this then I'd be questioning the balance in the relationship. Marriage is about mutual support and compromise. He hasn't got that memo by the looks of it.

The actual names are for OP to like, especially as she now has a daughter with a name she doesn't like.