Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

They did.

What a terrible deal. So he had sole decision on your first child's name? What if you'd never gone for a second?

You've admitted that you don't like your first child's name. (Which is absolutely TERRIBLE.) And now he doesn't like what you are choosing for the second baby. So that means both of your kids have names one of their parents don't like.

How old is your first child? I'd strongly consider legally renaming it to a compromised name. Keep the existing first name as the new middle name and give him or her a first name you both can live with. Then find a good compromise for this new baby.

I know they did. I was being facetious. The OP doesn't like the name. The OP's husband has saddled their daughter with it. Still it's easy to spell- which seems inordinately important for some posters.

I can't believe you made this agreement to avoid "bland" names only to end up with Olive and arguing over Mary-Kate. Those are both incredibly bland to me! Also Olive makes me think Popeye.

I love Athena, Francesca is okay. I can see why he likes Calliope if he chose Athena - seems like he's into Greek names.

I would never have made this agreement in the first place! Like previous posters my partner and I made a list then swapped and each removed the ones from the other's list that we really didn't like. We eventually narrowed it down to 10, which we each put in order. The original plan was to pick the name that came out on top but my partner then said he preferred the second one (as it happens both 1 and 2 came from my list). Now we bought absolutely love our daughter's name. I'm pregnant again and we had more trouble this time but we've got a list of 10 so the next step is to put them in order. I'm slightly disappointed that he said no to a few of my absolute favourites but there are still plenty I really like and a couple I could live with.

Given that you did make the agreement your husband should honour it but I do think he should at least get one veto if he truly hates your choice. There must besomething you like other than Mary-Kate Francesca! Frankie Katherine? Marianna Kay? Katrina Mara?

I named our second baby. It was a name that was consistently my first choice throughout the pregnancy. It’s not DH’s taste at all but the pregnancy and delivery was a bit rough so he didn’t offer up any objections.

To make it fair, he chose our third baby’s name. It’s not something I would have chosen but it’s objectively a nice name, so I was happy to let him have it.

I think it’s nice for each parent to choose a name - we would never have found something we both loved (DC1 was a complete fluke!) and the kids love hearing about who chose their name.

At least she can call herself Kate (lovely name) or Mary (a bit mil or gran but still a fine name). I honestly don’t know why Olive ever become popular though, (I mean from whence did its modern usage come?).

He essentially tricked you into allowing your firstborn to have a name you hate by future faking. He’s beyond selfish.

My strategy would be to tell him that either he sticks to the agreement or, to show he is serious about backing out of it, file to change Olive’s name to something you both like ahead of the birth of baby Number 2.

I’d also inform him you’re going back to your maiden name because youve realised you miss it now it’s become clear how much names matter. And baby no. 2 will be getting your maiden name too.

Start with an aggressive negotiation standpoint with an end goal to “meet him in the middle” with you getting sole decision making over baby no 2’s first and middle names, but allowing them both your DH’s surname and Olive to keep her name.

The winner of this will be determined by who is the most stubborn, so don’t try to defend your choices on the individual merit of your name choices. It will end up as a “might is right” scenario.

I'd much rather be Mary-Kate than be Olive or Calliope. Olive sounds more like a name for a pet rather than a human being, and Calliope would be an inconvenience in the UK (constantly misspelt and pronounced incorrectly).

So let me get this straight….you and Baby 1 have his last name. And he expects Baby 2 to have his last name. And he got free rein in choosing both Baby 1’s first and middle names, as your names were dismissed. And now he wants to back out of the agreement and get to unilaterally choose Baby 2’s first and middle names.

He’s being a Grade A Dick. I’m assuming he’s selfish in other aspects of life too? I’d go nuclear, and would probably take Baby 2 to the registry office alone, and give her the name of my choice.

He essentially tricked you into allowing your firstborn to have a name you hate by future faking. He’s beyond selfish.

Then more fool Op for agreeing to a name she hates.

It does sound as if he is a bully though so that it's easier to give in.

Hopefully not as Op decided to have a 2nd child with him.

It really is irrelevant in the long run. I have a friend with Hermione, Augustus and Leonidas. I hated every name but very soon the name became associated with the child and ‘normal’. Hermione was later made more everyday due to the Harry Potter books and very soon the other two became Gus and Leo.

Well that’s daft. Most people start thinking about names when they’re already pregnant.

It's not daft. It's just too late. Doesn't bode well if they can't even agree on this...

the person who has pushed this child out of her vagina should get to decide what to name it!

@Digdongdoo i meant that your statement was daft - to ask why they’re having children when they can’t agree on names.

Sorry he’s bu you went along with his so he has to go along with yours now otherwise he’s just another controlling man who needs to get his own way.

Where you wet wrong was doing this agreement in the first plan. As grown Adults you should be able to agree! Let's hope Olive never realises the way her name came about and more importantly you don't like it!! Mad the pair of you.

I know exactly what you meant. I don't think it's a daft statement, I stand by it. No business having children together when neither of them can agree or compromise and both will willingly choose a name they know the other hates. They clearly don't respect one another. Disaster waiting to happen and they should have learned their lesson the first time.

I think you need to come up with a fake name he would hate even more Chardonnay Rose’, Penelope Pittstop, Marlboro Red, and refuse to discuss any further with him.

OP, I think this is the way forward in your discussions with your DH.

Tell him that you compromised on names last time and now it is his turn, and he will find that he starts to see the child, not the name, and it will all be OK.

If course he will try and turn that back on you and say if that is how you feel you will be able to overlook it again, and you just stick to your guns and say you have done your fair share of overlooking and now it is his turn.

He is being wildly unfair and unreasonable.

It’s also pointless and irrelevant pages of MNers chipping in with their view on the names. None of the names are Amityville Nesquick or Panty-Mae Murf and everyone has different subjective preferences. What matters here is the OP havjng as much say as her DH given the situation they have found themselves in.

Is there any possibility that he will attempt to go and register the birth and name without you?

Francesca and Cici as a family name is great OP.

He will have to suck it up.

Have you seen ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ (Olive)?

I’d have have not had another if ye hate his boring names.

A friend's parents did this. Friend's dad chose her name, close variation of her mum's name. Friend's mum hated it and the shortened variation of it. They sadly lost their second daughter, don't know who'd chosen her name. Or who chose their 3rd daughter's name.

Olive
Olive is a very normal, and common name. Have you been living under a rock? Mary Kate is a very southern American, annoying twit sounding name.

What a toxic cruel thing to do to that child!!! That kid knows their name. It's a lovely name. Renaming a child, just because mum has decided shedoesnt like it, is abusive.