Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

Absolutely fair enough. He can't have his way and then back out of the agreement.

What a daft agreement. I can't imagine having a child and knowingly naming them something their other parent hated or having a child with a name I hated.

I cannot believe you couldn't compromise and find even one name you liked.

Surely you wouldn’t want to give your child a name that 1/2 of their parents absolutely hates???

We were flexible but did have a veto if we absolutely hated a name with the rule being that we couldn’t veto more than 2 names each. It’s madness to name a child something that one parent hates.

The agreement was made and he can not back out of it now hes made his choice, it's your turn, he needs to suck it up.

I need to know the names to make judgement tbh. If he's named your first Emily Grace and you want to name your youngest Gaye Candida or Electric Unicorn I can kind of see his point.

But what would have happened if - God forbid - you couldn't have a second child? You'd forever have a child named by one parent and be unable to equal up with your own preferences.

We need to know the names.

A deal's a deal.

Crack on and name as you .like

Well obviously we need to know the names before a decision can be made.

Bloody stupid arrangement, it's virtually guaranteed to end up with conflict and it shows you can't compromise.

He should stick to it though.

unlikely to happen because you then need to know first child name and if op sees this as private information, she is unlikely to share.

I think your husband is an knob - he can't claim him not liking the name is "extreme exception" - unless you're naming kid Uniqorne or something similar, name simply isn't extreme exception. I admit I'm curios what name warrant "extreme exception" veto.

If he hates the name he should be able to veto it. That’s really not the same situation as ‘not liking’ it.

It doesn’t matter what the names are, even if it will be Jane and Bowser3000. He agreed when he was getting his own way, and now he has to be held to account. It’s only fair. That’s that.

Whilst he's being unfair trying to back out now, it was a stupid agreement. You were stupid to let him pick a name you don't even like for your first child on the silly notion you'll get to pick next time.

I get his point, although he did 'agree' to you choosing, why shpuld he accept a name he actively hates? Your agreement is very woolly. There's a difference between letting each other choose a name, which the other might not be overly keen on (as in it's not to their particular taste) to accepting them choosing a name you absolutely hate. Whilst we all want to love our children's names, it's not always possible when you don't agree. At the very least though, you need to find something you can both live with. I'm assuming this is the case with your first child's name? It's not a name you would have chosen, but you can live with it? You need to find a similar choice this time. It needs to be a name you choose (for the sake of your agreement) but that your DH can live with. He has every right to veto something he absolutely hates, agreement or no agreement.

It was a very childish agreement with little thought for the conflict it could cause. The fact you let him go first was actually quite devious. It's as if you knew he'd hate your choice but you thought you'd be able to bully him into it because he agreed to let you choose the next one. You can still choose a name without it being something which makes the child's father cringe. That's not fair at all to expect him to accept something he is so against.

This is a child you are naming, not a point scoring exercise. Expecting him to accept absolutely anything because it's your 'turn' to choose and throwing a tantrum if you don't get your own way is playground stuff. Grow up

This. Go ahead with it.

Also one person’s ’extreme exception’ is another person’s personal taste. It’s subjective. That’s the whole point. So knowing the names won’t help at all.

And he got lucked out. Person who named first kid got his way without any compromise. At least you should have insisted to name your first kid your way, you trusted him way more than he deserved.

Good story.

Neither of you should have a child with a name that you hate.

The game sounds very childish for two adults who are about to have their second child.

A deal's a deal. You pick the name.

More importantly: You both sound like you desperately need couples counselling.

Indeed. There is a risk of the other parent not bonding with the child with the unpleasant name

Why is it in his view and extreme exception?

Does he have top 10 name tendencies and you have Zowie Bowie tendencies. Or is it more he has top 10 and you prefer say Mabel May type name that he sees as oldfashioned.

I think the extreme exception has to be explored further. As if you wish to name this next child Adolph Cyanide. Your dh has a point.

Agree. Your name could be totally ridiculous

You stuck by the agreement so you get to choose baby’s name this time

You should never have made this ‘deal’. I think most of us compromise on baby names tbh, as it should be something both parents like, may not love - but definitely don’t dislike or hate. Yes compromising is annoying. But it would be awful to really dislike your little ones name, and needless.