Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

I would never have agreed to Olive. Plus Olive and Mary-Kate don’t go at all.

I think you both could have agreed to use more popular names like Emily or Charlotte that people won’t feel strongly about.

Now this is even more bizarre, as your tastes aren't a million miles apart.

I think most of us were assuming one liked Emma, Anna, etc and the other was going for Wynter-Bacardi or Pepsi-Marie.

Whereas I wouldn't have chosen Olive myself, it isn't a million miles from Francesca.

I too, automatically went "Mary-Kate and Ashley" in my head.

Mary-Kate sounds like she should be wearing a bonnet and wandering the prairie.

I like all the names - which I wasn't expecting. Thought one of you would be really out there.
Mary-Kate will be called MK - do you like that? If not, I would flip them

What has your DH suggested?

Love those names. He has to adhere to the agreement.

I love Olive, Mary is nice, as is Kate but not Mary-Kate. I’m not a fan of hyphenated names, sorry.

Olive and Mary-Kate don’t go at all.

I agree with that.

Rather just Mary or better still Francesca.

Mary kate will become Mary which is OK if you are v religious I guess. If you're not it's v old old fashioned. Olive is something you eat that sits in the fridge, no?

It was a stupid agreement. If he'd chosen a name you absolutely hated with a passion, I doubt that you'd have stuck to the agreement either so the first was probably a name you wouldn't have chosen but could tolerate. I can't see how you can manage the situation now though. If my DH had chosen a name like, for instance, Shardonnay Tallulah or Septimus Quentin for our DC, there's no way I'd have given in, even if I'd been daft enough to make an agreement beforehand! (No offence to people with those names!) Surely choosing a name you both like is just one of the compromises and part of the collaboration involved in bringing up children?

When he said your choice was an extreme exception, I was expecting something truly awful. There is nothing at al wrong or exceptional about your choice, though personally I'd put Francesca first. On the other hand, his choices were a bit out there, whilst not being dreadful. Tell him he has to stick to the deal.

Olive is something you eat that sits in the fridge, no?

Not when it's a name, obviously.

Why are you putting ‘no?’ at the end? You know the answer. You know it’s a very old name as well as a food. Don’t be a dick.

if you can't even agree on one single name and neither is picking wacky and weird options, it begs the question if you are compatible enough to be having children. Having to resort to a child each and a name the other 'hates' is not normal.

I think those names go together and he's being dramatic. Olive athena is much more out there! I did think you might want to delete this thread before they Google themselves in a few years time though and realise each of you hates one of their names!

Giving us the names doesn't help because it's all subjective. Personally, I love Athena and Francesca and dislike Olive because it reminds me of the character in 'On the Buses'. Other people will have different opinions. None of that matters. And whatever names DC ends up with, you'll all end up getting used to it and unable to imagine them being called anything else.

I can’t for one minute believe that you couldn’t agree on a name that you both liked and instead you named your child something you actively dislike. What parent would even think about doing that???

Would you be prepared to compromise with Kate? Perhaps it's the hyphenated name he doesn't like?

Harsh but fair 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Made me laugh and think of Laura Ingles Wilder and her family (her sister was called Mary?)

So do I - or otherwise the appalling cook in The Bash Street Kids - but young children now won't have that frame of reference at all.

Olive = lovely name. Mary-Kate not so lovely. The names are completely different vibes too. Mary-Kate will end up being called Mary, which is quite popular in my school with a few Nigerian girls with that name.
IMO, middle names are irrelevant and in my family, all middle names are family related ie names of parents, siblings, grandparents.

Drew Barrymore's kids are called Olive and Frankie (short for Francesca) so this isn't an unprecedented combo. Mary-Kate is not a first name anyone would choose for themselves..

I prefer Olive Athena to your name Op (the Mary-Kate part is 1980s sitcom-y) but both names are fine. Children grow into their names, or variations of them like Liv or Fran.

Bloody hell, the lives some people live….

I like both those names actually, both quite different and with thought put into it, reflecting your different personalities.

A deal is a deal and your DH needs to honour it.

Out of curiosity what name have you picked