He wants to name the baby after his dead girlfriend

[Whambamthankyoumam111]

Hi. New to this. Just wanted thoughts on this. My partner and I are expecting our first baby soon and coming up with baby names. Tonight out of the blue he suggested a name which I know is the name of his girlfriend who died years ago. A woman he has put on a pedestal since. I was not happy and he tried to diffuse the situation saying that it was just a nice name.
I am super mad about the fact that he would even suggest it. Am I overreacting?

Yes you are. He apologised.

One of my friends had a girlfriend who died when they were in their late teens. The first child of him and his wife has his late girlfriend's name as a middle name. I think that was very generous of his wife - but she's a very generous person.
I think it's fine to say no. I think it's overreacting to get upset about it and ridiculous to be "super mad".

Sorry for the grammar. His and his wife's first child....

Well I wouldn't be super mad but I'd definitely think he was a bit of a tit for suggesting it. No I wouldn't like it, it would be like her ghost shadowing the rest of our lives - no thank you.

It's understandable that you didn't like it but did you explain in a civilised way? Being mad that he'd even suggest it is excessive. How about calmly explain that it isn't appropriate, that most people would find it hard enough that he has a dead ex who he seems to put on a pedestal, and that the last thing you'd want is your child's name reminding you of this. But don't rant and rave about it - explain calmly then let it go. He needs time to process and understand that he was insensitive.

This sounds like the tip of the iceberg and what’s really bothering you is the fact he’s put her on a pedestal.

It might just be a lovely name though? - it doesn't mean it's in her memory...

I had it in reverse. My partner had an ex girlfriend called Zelda and I loved the name and wanted to use it but he vetoed because of her!

one of my children has the name of an ex who died young (43).
He was a good man, we weren’t compatible together, but I miss him being in the world and his name is cool.

my dh was happy to go with the name when I suggested it.
it feels like you’re being a little dramatic to be ‘super mad’ over a liking of a name.

Well you’re all better people than me. Because I think it’s disrespectful to put it out there. I wouldn’t suggest the name of any past boyfriends out of respect. But I will moderate how I express that and try to be more measured in my tone and try to be annoyed but not super mad 😉

He backtracked. Not apologised

I'm with you, OP. I would not be happy at his suggesting the name of his long lost deceased love. It wouldn't just be the name issue (although that's weird and inappropriate), it's the fact it suggests that he spends a lot of time daydreaming about her.

Hard to compete with an idealised ghost.

No chance. He shouldn't have even suggested it

I would have gently said no.

He suffered a huge loss..

I wouldn’t want to use the name but I don’t think he needs to apologise for suggesting it

I wouldn’t be happy either. It would be like him calling to her every time he shouted lovingly to your daughter.

He needs to grieve for the dead gf not name someone else’s baby after her. That’s just weird.

Sounds like he’s not moved on from her tbh. Wants her name on his lips. That’s all sorts of nope.

He needs counselling to move on.

Where on earth did you get that from?

OP, I suspect the issue is that she’s been on his pedestal since her death?

No f-ing way.

I’m with you, OP. I’d be raging.

I’d definitely say no, but I wouldn’t be angry about it.

I would have gone totally nuts! The cheek of him.

Even contemplating naming a baby after an ex is just weird - no matter what the circumstances! Ick

I do think he needs to get more considerate of your feelings and quickly if you have a baby on the way.

He’s with OP now and they’re having a baby which is also huge.

OP, he was wrong to suggest it and the pedestal thing isn’t good.

You sound lovely ...

He suggested a name. Not wisely. He stepped back from it. On the basis of this, the 'rage' and 'cheek of him' responses are massively disproportionate.

I know a guy who suggested his OW's name for his baby girl, and his (unknowing) Wife agreed, so this seems small fry in comparison.

Seriously though, it's fine that it's not appropriate for you, but him suggesting it isn't the end of the world. Take it as a sign that he's a Man capable of love & respect that transcends life. It's not a bad thing.

I think there's a huge difference between a name after an ex who is still alive than one that isn't.
My partners first girlfriend passed away when they were at uni. He suggested her name as a tribute. We didn't go for it in the end as he changed his mind. I wasn't cross, the poor girl died, she was no threat to our relationship and she was in the past.
I still talk about my ex partner, and the dad to my eldest two, he's a very close friend and I love him, I'm just not in love with him. I wouldn't suggest naming a child after him though as he's still around and part of my life.

You're not over-reacting to find that inappropriate.