He wants to name the baby after his dead girlfriend

[Whambamthankyoumam111]

Hi. New to this. Just wanted thoughts on this. My partner and I are expecting our first baby soon and coming up with baby names. Tonight out of the blue he suggested a name which I know is the name of his girlfriend who died years ago. A woman he has put on a pedestal since. I was not happy and he tried to diffuse the situation saying that it was just a nice name.
I am super mad about the fact that he would even suggest it. Am I overreacting?

I would say no but try not to compare it to using one of your ex’s names. They didn’t split up because the relationship broke down so you can’t really compare it. My grandad wanted me named after his still born daughter. ( my parents chose a different name) Grief does funny things to people.

Yeah I'd be furious. But then I wouldn't have a baby with a man who was still putting another women on a pedestal.

My exH suggested his first wife's name for our daughter
One of many ways in which he was a twat

Absolutely grim that people keep using the term “ex” for her. She’s not his ex. She’s his late partner. They didn’t split up. She died. It’s a totally different thing and it’s offensive to compare the two.

It’s not at all the same as suggesting the name of an ex who was still living.

To lose a girlfriend/ boyfriend is devastating, the loss will absolutely have shaped the person he is - the person you now love.

Its absolutely fine to say no, but I think you should let go of your anger (& also what sounds like jealousy)

No completely disrespectful to you. Assuming she died whilst they were still together? It’s of course an awful thing he’s had to go through but it’s really not on to suggest using her name for your child. Does he need some therapy to move on? My dad found bereavement counselling very helpful a few years after my mum died before starting a new relationship, partly to understand how much he should bring my mum up with a new partner (so not to never mention her, but also not to mention her so much it impacts a new relationship).

Anyway, of topic now. Definitely not on to suggest that name!

Yes indeed it does - my Mum was saddled with a dead baby’s name, coerced by grandad’s upset grieving best mate, 95 years ago, she always said it didn’t feel like HER name
and soon as both parents died, she adjusted it slightly.
When our daughter was born, my OH wanted to call her after his still alive mum,
age about 55, told me this soon as she was born. As if.

MiL constantly addressed me by DH’s ex fiance name as though I was an imposter.
I did regularly challenge her, as this went on for years, even after two children, tiresome.

Then ! when I had my son, my mother offered my husband 100£ (this was 1982)
to name him after my brother who had died young. Even for her this was shocking.

I cannot imagine ever calling MY baby a ghost’s name, it isn’t healthy and not the baby’s memory to carry !!

I find it creepy, as though imbuing an innocent hapless baby with the soul of another, shudder.

Is it Susie?

I don't think it's creepy. I share a name with my mother's grandmother who died whilst my mum was pregnant. Nothing creepy about it. It's a nice name and it comes from a lovely person.

A dead relative like granny is diff from the ex /the parter who died

If posters can’t see a difference (or more accurately, won’t see the difference) between naming a baby after a dead Granny, and naming a baby after a dead lover of the father, then I despair.

You are being disingenuous.

The poster that @snoken replying to made a blanket statement about naming a baby after someone who has died. Not specific about partners who are dead. Snokens post was in reply to naming babies after dead people in general. Not just the topic of this thread.

Thats what Snoken was replying to. A blanket statement that giving a baby a name of a dead person is ‘imbuing a baby with soul of another’ in all cases.

I wasn’t being disingenuous at all, just taking a comment in isolation.

But I take your point looking at that exchange.

She is dead, not coming back is she?

So, what does it matter? Only you can make her a threat to your relationship.

I guess though you think if it wasn't for her death, you two wouldn't be together, you feel like a 2nd choice.

I know this because my partner died and in some relationships, it has felt like a fucking competition.

You decided to have a baby with him, as pp said, this experience has made him the man you love so why not compromise and suggest it as a middle name?

(Apologises if this has already been suggested)

I'd be totally raging, which I'd mask.
Just show empathy and say you agree it's a lovely name, how sad. Ultimately you're never going to call your child after any exso just start seeing if there's a way he can find closure and realise its OK to move on. Get him some therapy sessions, agreeing to go will make him feel more in control and also help him get an ending.....

Fair enough 😊

Same here. I would have chosen DH's ex-gf's name for our baby, but baby was a boy and DH wouldn't agree to that 🤣

Thats sooooo false and rather deceitful, using pseudo concern/empathy to get your own way.

How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot?

I can't believe people would be 'raging' at even the suggestion. How weird and insecure some folk are.

Wrong. Its getnuine empathy and genuinely motivated encouragement toward therapy. To answer your question I'd be appreciative if my DP recognised I hadn't found closure with an ex's death. Struggling with these issues when expecting a child is pretty normal. What would you suggest????

My DH passed away aged 39, we were married 10 years and together 13, I'm now pregnant, and wouldn't dream of even asking DP if we could call baby his name. I find it really odd!

And if posters can’t (or won’t) see the difference between suggesting the name of a deceased partner and an ex-partner, I also despair. Again, I wouldn’t have wanted to do it myself, but it isn’t the same.

Thing is though, imagine finding out your named after your dads dead ex girlfriend 😬