Don't want to continue husband's 'familial middle name'

[HoitiToiti]

We are in the process of deciding on a name for our son. I'm Irish and dh is Irish too but 'Anglo-Irish' as he'd say.

We are going for an Irish first name. Want a 'Gaelic' middle name too.

DH's middle name is Thomas. His father's middle name is Thomas, his grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great great grandfather's first name was Thomas.

DH and DMil really want out child to have the middle name Thomas. I don't like it too much. I suggested Tomás as it's an Irish form, but they are insisting on Thomas.

DMil says it is important to keep the name as it's a 'family' thing. The great great grandfather was a successful businessman in Dublin... who moved to Ireland from England. He was born in 1850 something I'm told, and is where dh's parent's modest amount of 'family money' comes from... which they have since spent the last of on Caribbean cruises...

If they're anything like my colleagues two children - they both have the same middle name! Which I think is a bit more strange than the eldest having a familial link!

I have the same middle name as some of my siblings my dd has it as well, it was a female surname at one point generations back.

They shouldn't be pushing you because it's not theirs to push but yes I think it's a shame to break a tradition that goes back 5 generations.

I think in later life your son will be disappointed he doesn't carry that heritage or link. It's his family.

Not really an unforeseeable issue, then. What did you discuss and decide before you agreed to start a family?

Both our families had middle names like this.
I said if he wants the baby to have his middle name then they could have my surname instead.
It isn't fair for him to get both a family surname and lastname and me neither.
He couldn't really argue with that so I got to choose the middle name without any more disagreement

I'd use Thomas as it's so important to your DH and it's a middle name. Like others have said I'd add another name if you want to avoid the initials problem.
The majority of Toms in Ireland are Thomas, not Tomás, irrespective of background.

I just think it would look daft to have "Irish name, Irish name, English name, Irish name"
Dont worry, it would look fine, it's very common to have a mix here. All my children have a mix of Irish language and English first and middle names. Nobody in my large extended family has ever mentioned this as being any way unusual (and they would😅).

What's an Irish (Protestant) middle name - as opposed to an English, or indeed Irish, name I mean?
You have me wondering @BaronessBomburst 🤔

Emmet is all I've come up with so far🤔

I know a couple of posh Dublin protestant Dermots. Also a Belfast protestant Dermot.

Billí

Haha I was just thinking about this myself. I’ve had to look up names to check I’ve got it right, I thought I had a lot of Irish names but turns out not, but they are very catholic & biblical which is why my Irish family have probably used them through the generations.

DH - Scottish - Scottish & Scottish Surname - All his family have Scottish names.

Me - Irish - English - apparently Spanish / Greek but named after an Irish Catholic grandmother - apparently Hebrew but again named after my other Irish catholic grandmother & nee Irish now Scottish surname (I know I have a lot of names!)

DC1 - My Spanish/Greek middle name - another Hebrew name but named after a Scottish Great Grandmother - Irish/Scottish double barrelled surname

DC2 - Irish - Irish & Irish/Scottish double barrelled surname

DC3 - Greek with strong Italian connection - German - Irish & Irish/Scottish double barrelled surname

I would have divorced my DH if he’d had tried stopping me using family names, luckily we both agreed keeping family names and traditions were important to us.

I think you are being selfish and unreasonable. Nothing wrong with Thomas.

😂😂

Hmm, the Dermots I know are Catholic as far as I know. Loads of names are equally well used by both communities to be fair (eg Thomas), but some do hint as to background all right. I was just a bit thrown by the description of a middle name as 'Irish Protestant' specifically (as opposed to the first name being described as English) but it could be a surname type name maybe?
Or Billí of course @JenniferBarkley 😁

Thomas is a middle name that goes with somany lovely names.

I would use it and I would also choose my favouriet first name.

My cousins are fun!

Slavic first name, Italian middle name, Swiss surname, French Surname (surname 2 is only on the French passport)

Germanic first name, Russian middle name, Swiss surname, French Surname

Indian/Hindi first name, Italian middle name, Indian/Hindi surname

One of my aunts:

Italian first name, Greek middle name, German surname.

(none of these surnames were "acquired" due to marriage btw.)

I agree. This is supposedly a man you love that you've chosen to have a child with and it's a nice family legacy. I don't really see what the issue is.

The middle name Thomas is obviously important to your husbands family heritage. So yes it neeeds to be maintained. Your not understanding that is worrying.

Id use it. Totally inoffensive name

You're crazy to
Worry about the initials. Total nonsense buy just add in another middle name.

But your son does have west brit Anglo-Irish roots so what's the big deal with Thomas? To make such a big deal of this seems quite sectarian really. If it's important to your husband then it should be important to you as well

Give him an extra first name so he has four names, so his initials won't be the three letters you don't want as there'll then be an additional letter for the initials.

Surely 2 middles names sorts this, and have Thomas as the 2nd middle name so that the initials aren't STD.... My kids all have 2 middle names, Thomas in my opinion is a very middle of the road none offensive name and would not be the hill I'd die on if DH wants to use it

It’s just a middle name. Don’t be petty.

It's a middle name. It will never be used and serves zero purpose. Pick your battles.

Take the middle name but give them your surname.
And if your DH doesn't agree to that, that's tremendous double standards, and should be called out as such.

Not petty if they're getting his surname too.