Don't want to continue husband's 'familial middle name'

[HoitiToiti]

We are in the process of deciding on a name for our son. I'm Irish and dh is Irish too but 'Anglo-Irish' as he'd say.

We are going for an Irish first name. Want a 'Gaelic' middle name too.

DH's middle name is Thomas. His father's middle name is Thomas, his grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great great grandfather's first name was Thomas.

DH and DMil really want out child to have the middle name Thomas. I don't like it too much. I suggested Tomás as it's an Irish form, but they are insisting on Thomas.

DMil says it is important to keep the name as it's a 'family' thing. The great great grandfather was a successful businessman in Dublin... who moved to Ireland from England. He was born in 1850 something I'm told, and is where dh's parent's modest amount of 'family money' comes from... which they have since spent the last of on Caribbean cruises...

No one will care apart from you if your son has an Irish, English, Irish, Irish name sequence.

My husband had a middle name family tradition and so did I. We gave dc two middle names to maintain both because neither of us was willing to break our tradition.

I really really don't think it's a hill to die on.

My DC have several middle names. One of them is a 'family name' which all boys in the family have had since forever. It's not a name I'd choose, but I am more than happy to have it as the third middle name. I think you've got a chip on your shoulder about your husband's family money and how it was spent, and it would be a good idea to remove it before it becomes an entire bag of them.

It’s funny that you’re annoyed that they want to honour their heritage, based only on the fact that you want to honour yours? This baby has two parents with different heritages. I’m not sure why yours trumps his father’s (yes I have a republican Irish background before you ask!)

middle names only matter at christening, marriage and if he’s ever up in court so this would not be the hill I would die in to be honest op.

It literally doesn't matter. It's just a middle name that nobody will ever use. I think it's a bit mean and petty of you to not allow it.

I’d see this as a potential big win for negotiations. You offer acceptance of Thomas as middle name and get sole choice of first name 😁.

The eldest son of the eldest son might inherit the d4 stately home.

I was about to say the same thing. He’ll like it when he’s 18 🤷🏻‍♀️

So you've now had Irish, English, Welsh and Scottish people (and others) saying Thomas shouldn't be a problem as a middle name spelt the 'Anglo' way in a predominantly Irish name . Is this all about politics, prejudice and resentment or cultural identity and patriotic principle? Think about your DH not the MIL.

Why do so many MNers try to goard other posters into making nasty comments to their in-laws? I don't see this on any other site.

^goad, I mean, not goard!

It’s a middle name and i think you’re being unreasonable

Tomás is much nicer than Thomas. I agree with you about that.

What does the second son get landed with out of interest ? Or are they a non entity?

If they're anything like my colleagues two children - they both have the same middle name! Which I think is a bit more strange than the eldest having a familial link!

Just give him 2 middle names

Why don’t you compromise. You've chosen the first name together. Your DH wants to choose the middle name. Why don’t you choose the surname? Say you what the DC to have your surname

Just stick Thomas in there along with the middle name you like. It wouldn't then be STD initials, it's an inoffensive name and he will be your husband's son too. Forget your MIL, your DH wants the name. It's really not that deep. It won't ever be used and rarely even seen but would mean something to DH. Why is it such a big issue to you?

DH and DMil really want out child to have the middle name Thomas.

I dont see why DH cant choose Thomas as the middle name and you get to choose the first name. Unless DH also is insisting on choosing the first name?

Did you tell your husband your name preferences before you got pregnant with his child?

Let him squeeze a baby out of his vagina then he can call him whatever he wants

Did ‘darling’ husband for-warn op that his mother is likely to insist on naming their child, and actually that’s probably just the start!

The next will be private education, shooting at the weekends and total subservience from op.

Add the name Ultan as a second middle name after Thomas and you're all set.

Did OP forewarn DH that she had some interesting ideas about his heritage might be more salient.

That's a very bizarre second paragraph of yours btw. Because the OP is already pissed off that the in-laws have spaffed the inheritance on cruises, but you crack on with your own prejudices.

@MooMooSharoo
If they're anything like my colleagues two children - they both have the same middle name! Which I think is a bit more strange than the eldest having a familial link!

Is it possibly a maiden name as a middle name?

I know this isn’t AIBU but YABU. It clearly offends your politics but like it or not your DH has, and therefore your son will have, some English heritage, and this will be true whether or not his middle name is Thomas.

Anglo-Irish and English are very different things. Anglo-Irish was always its own world.