Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

[Maxinemumof2]

Hello everyone. I have already posted on reddit and people were in majority saying that I was an assh*le. So I thought my not ask mothers/future mothers or fathers what they think rather than a bunch of adolescents.

I am pregnant, due July the 14 with a little girl that I was planning on naming him after my father. My sister was also pregnant and gave birth on the 4th of April to a gorgeous girl she named after my father ( Think Daniel/Danielle , Alexander/Alexandra). I am happy for her but I am so annoyed.

He is not her father, but mine. Our mum met my dad when my sister was 2 , they got married and had me 8 years later.
She has a father, he didn't abandon her. She is in good terms with her and our mother and even goes play golf with my father.

So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Should I say something or just move on?

So she was only with you guys and Mom eow so her Dad had primary custody? So she's named the baby after a man she saw 4 days a month?

Move on. And you could still use a version of your father’s name for your DC. Yours and your sister’s children will be cousins. It’s OK for them to have the same or similar names.

But I do understand your sense of territoriality about your father and your sister. Blended families are hard work.

Your half sister seems to have a stalker-like attitude when it comes to your dad despite having a living, present, decent father of her own. Giving the child his name, preventing you and your father to have any alone time...frankly she sounds unhinged.

OP, could you explain how you feel to your dad instead and perhaps have him involved in choosing a name for your baby? In our family, some of us were named by a relative and it can create a bond with that aunty, grandparent or older sibling who chose or helped choose your name.
The suggestion to consider ‘Colette’ by other posters is a brilliant idea. And you can still tell your child she was named after her grandfather.

As for not having the opportunity to spend time on your own with your dad, could you invite him over to yours and have a heart-to-heart about this? Explain why it’s important to you to have some quality time with him?

Sorry I meant every other week. They had 50/50.

She has paternal siblings too.

Psycho

Thanks for your understanding and advice.
After all, I decided to give up the idea of naming my girl after my father. I reflected on some saying that she was a whole new person. And it's true. My partner has his list and I have mine, so we'll go through it.

Communication is what I need here, you are right. I am afraid to sound like a horrible person. I don't want to create any animosity with my sister.

@Maxinemumof2

Did she use Nicole? What about Nicola? Nicola is more the feminine form of Nicholas anyway.

Does this message sound like a daughter-father message:

" Just put the little ones to bed , How are you X? Are you watching football again? Hahaha wish you were there to give me a back massage (husband's name) is not home and I feel lonely"

Nothing all day for my mother, myself, her paternal half-siblings , her father. No even hi everyone.

Yes, but isn't Nicola a bit 70's ? I was thinking about Victoria after looking up the etymology of Nicolas.

How about the French variation of Nicholas - Colette or Cosette? Or could you use his middle name? Or your fathers mothers name? It’s still honouring that side.

*He doesn't compare us at all. He is very open minded. I see him often, and my sister is always there. I asked him to invite us on different days. But somehow she is always there. I got pissed off and asked him that I will not longer out with him if she comes. But she asked him when we're meeting and says she wants to come " I can't say no, I would feel bad".

It's like she's always everywhere in my life now.*

I think you need to be honest about how you feel to your dad. He may have been a nice figure in her life but he's dropped the ball and failed to recognise the importance of having an independent relationship with you, his own child. I would hate for my DC to feel as you do.

Tbh, I wouldn't name your child after him. It doesn't seem like he's gone above and beyond in terms of being a good father to you - for context I gave my DD my mother's name as a middle name because she really deserved my appreciation for all she's done for me. Your dad hasn't really prioritised you enough to make you feel secure.

It all sounds very strange OP. I don't envy your situation.

That has been addressed. Did you actually read it before you responded? As you haven’t actually addressed what was said.

@Maxinemumof2 if you’re having a little boy I called my oldest Robin and I love that name so much, maybe for yours? And yeah it’s weird if I was her dad I’d be wtf but don’t make a fuss you’ll be made the bad guy. I get you though.

doesn’t consider her to be his daughter, and doesn’t consider her daughter to be his grandchild.

According to OP, who isn’t coming across as a rational or reliable narrator, tbh.

A bit 1970s? It has one letter difference. Since you are absolutely so adamant that you MUST name a child after your father, I wouldn't have thought that would matter!

Victoria would be lovely, OP.

That sounds very odd, op.

Would you say that to adoptive patents and children, that they are not related, that their future grandchildren are not theirs? I doubt it.

A good step parent - especially one who has had that role since the child was only 2 - is surely as closely related to the child as an adoptive parent. The child effectively had three parents.

The only difference here is that the child in question had an involved father too, but although the OP keeps saying that the real father was very involved, and has even suggested that contact was "almost 50/50", she always says "every other weekend" several times, which kind of contradicts that claim. Sounds to me like in reality stepfather was by far the most present father-figure in her upbringing.

I think the name Louise means victory too

It’s nothing like adoption. OPs father didn’t adopt OPs half sister. He isn’t her half sisters father. She has an involved biological father who is the grandfather to her children.

A good step parent - especially one who has had that role since the child was only 2 - is surely as closely related to the child as an adoptive parent. The child effectively had three parents.

Not really, no. Unless it's a "raised them as my own and adopted them" situation a step parent is not inherently anywhere near as close to a child as an adoptive parent. They CAN feel like the step child is their own child. But very often they won't, and they aren't required to because they are not filling a void of a parent, they are just married to the parents that are still around.

I’d be very annoyed

OP’s dad isn’t an adoptive parent though is he? I’ve never understood why people on mumsnet love coming up with these weird convoluted ‘would you do this if this’ scenarios.

Let’s focus on the actual real life issue, OP has stated that her dad doesn’t see SD children as his grandchildren. And rightly so, because they aren’t. His first grandchild will be OP’s daughter.