Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

[Maxinemumof2]

Hello everyone. I have already posted on reddit and people were in majority saying that I was an assh*le. So I thought my not ask mothers/future mothers or fathers what they think rather than a bunch of adolescents.

I am pregnant, due July the 14 with a little girl that I was planning on naming him after my father. My sister was also pregnant and gave birth on the 4th of April to a gorgeous girl she named after my father ( Think Daniel/Danielle , Alexander/Alexandra). I am happy for her but I am so annoyed.

He is not her father, but mine. Our mum met my dad when my sister was 2 , they got married and had me 8 years later.
She has a father, he didn't abandon her. She is in good terms with her and our mother and even goes play golf with my father.

So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Should I say something or just move on?

He made his choice when he became her stepdad!

No, he didn't. There are all sorts of ways of being a step parent. A great many, like myself, have a nice relationship with their stepchild that never comes anywhere close to being their actual parent. If he feels that way that's up to him.

*name

OH I love the idea! Love it.

His mother's name as her first name. Nicolette as her second name.

Just call your baby after your father as you planned. In any case it would be the female version of the name. I think save the name for when you have a son.

There's nothing to be done about it, but I understand why you feel the way you do, OP. She has a biological dad who was/is involved in her life. It's odd, imo, to name her child after her stepfather, under those circumstances.

Now you can either choose another variation on your father's name, use the same name and call your child by a nickname instead, use it as a middle name, or go with an entirely different name. There's really nothing else to do. You can talk to your parents about how you feel, just to vent and make them aware of your feelings, but I wouldn't mention it to your sister. There's nothing to be gained by it.

Yes, there’s definitely this to consider too. You hear a lot of “She’s named Rose (or something classic/beautiful) after my grandma” but never “She’s named Bertha after my grandma.” Is it the case that her dad’s name isn’t so nice?

Ah I'm glad @Maxinemumof2

Try not to harbour any resentment towards your sister. I doubt it was malicious, but even if it was, you've got a lovely little baby to look forward to. Parenting's tough and you might find you need each other to lean on.

Nicholas and Collette both mean ‘victory of the people’ you could find a girls name you like that means similar to your dads name?

I understand that you are disappointed and upset that she picked the name and I think that's why you come across as unreasonable and a bit immature about it, but the fact that her own dad was in the picture isn't really relevant. If she only saw her dad at weekends and half the holidays it was your dad who raised her the majority of the time and I'm sure she very much sees him as her dad too. You hadn't told her you wanted to use the name, she obviously loves your dad very much regardless of whether he's her bio dad You want to ask her why... This will be why. She loves him. I think for the sake of your relationship with your sister and your own mental health, just move on and pick another name.

I've read all of your posts, OP, and some but not all of the comments.

Well, many have said it, but YABU. She grew up with 2 dads, and it seems that she spent about equal time with them.

About the name, Holly (suggested by a PP) is really nice! Or, does he have a middle name that you could work with?

You don't own the name and you did not tell her that you were planning to call the baby after your dad so how was she supposed to know.
Maybe she prefers your dad's name to her own dad's name. Maybe she feels closer to your dad. Whatever. You should have said long before the baby was born.

Nicoletta, Nicoline, Colette

Or choose another name and have Nicola as her middle name.

I LOVE IT! Damn! How much do I owe you?

Nika could maybe be a consideration.

Yes, there’s definitely this to consider too. You hear a lot of “She’s named Rose (or something classic/beautiful) after my grandma” but never “She’s named Bertha after my grandma.” Is it the case that her dad’s name isn’t so nice?

Exactly! In my friends case the in-laws think she named her little boy after their grandad - because it's rude and unnecessary I suppose to clarify that you didn't at all, you just like the name.

Everybody outside of the family knows though, especially her own parents as she didn't want her dad to think she named him after her FIL!

I dont understand why you concentrate so much on her having her own biological father. Sounds like you resent sharing your biological father with her. Sorry you are having a hard time.

Because (some) posters keep insisting my father is hers. That is unfair to her own father. Who was very much involved.

And yes, I want a special bond with my father that I wouldn't have to share with her. Does that make me a horrible person?

The person who should be complaining on here is her biological father. I would be fuming if a daughter I raised in joint custody with her mum chose to name her kid after her stepfather. For that alone it is the ss who is the arsehole. She shouldn't have named her kid after her stepfather out of respect.

You've got your surname to give you SOME happiness at this time when you're expecting your first? Really, is that the only glimmer of happiness? And reassurance of what? That you're special too?
. There's clearly more to this than a name.

Give your daughter a name of her own and look into whether you need some support getting over whatever happened in your childhood.

If her biological father and your mother had 50/50 custody of her then she spent an equal amount of time with your father as she did with her father. Maybe she feels closer to your father than she does her biological father. 🤷‍♀️

This is not the case here though. She made it crystal clear that it was named after my father.

You've said yourself, you hardly had anything to do with her growing up and presumably now as adults, so how do you NOT have a special bond of your own with him? Does he compare you a lot? Does he talk about how proud he is of her or do you see him being involved with her kids?

I can see why you’d be upset by this, OP — but I do think you just have to move on, I’m afraid… it was a lovely thought from you and perhaps you can find an appropriate time/place to tell your dad (quietly) what you’d planned? I’m sure he’d be touched, even though your sister beat you to it.

I'm just glad you've got some peace of mind now @Maxinemumof2 ❤️

Yup. I am happy that she doesn't have my father's surname. Reassurance that I am special too ? Mmm Yes.

I get it I am horrible. No need for more berating.