Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

[Maxinemumof2]

Hello everyone. I have already posted on reddit and people were in majority saying that I was an assh*le. So I thought my not ask mothers/future mothers or fathers what they think rather than a bunch of adolescents.

I am pregnant, due July the 14 with a little girl that I was planning on naming him after my father. My sister was also pregnant and gave birth on the 4th of April to a gorgeous girl she named after my father ( Think Daniel/Danielle , Alexander/Alexandra). I am happy for her but I am so annoyed.

He is not her father, but mine. Our mum met my dad when my sister was 2 , they got married and had me 8 years later.
She has a father, he didn't abandon her. She is in good terms with her and our mother and even goes play golf with my father.

So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Should I say something or just move on?

OP

Your father can define his relationship with your sister
Your sister can define her relationship with her stepfather/your father

They may not be the same definition.

I get you feel upset I do. It feels like your sister stole "your" family name I totally get that.

However, as a stepchild who very much did have my father in the picture I loved my stepfather and one of my children is named after his father. Now my stepdad doesn't have any biological children but had his sister or niece had any objections I would have been hurt. I have a good relationship with my stepdad my children call him Granddad he has earned that name.

Could you go further into your family tree on your dads' side? What was his mother's name? His grandmothers? Give your dd a family name that way. It may even mean more to him if you named her after someone he loved. Not everyone loves their own name :)

You are not horrible. You were looking forward to using the name and your disappointed. Dare I say hormones may be making you react to this more too. Once your girl is here with her own name you’ll find it impossible to imagine her being called anything else. Sounds like the cousins will be close in age and that’s a lovely gift that they will appreciate as they grow up.

Ok. So if tomorrow he stopped talking to her, what exactly would prevent him from doing that? Trying to understand the logic. She isn't 2 anymore, but is a grown woman.

I don't understand the question?! If my DSF stopped talking to me I would still consider him my stepdad, cos he has been for 40+ years.

I understand it depends on the relationships involved and some step-parent relationships are more fleeting, or less involved than I have with my DSF - but it sounds like your DSis experience is very similar to my own. My whole point of adding to your thread was, it wouldn't even occur to me that my siblings would be pissed off if I named my child after my DSF, because we're all very much family. I doubt it was done to annoy you - she probably just really likes the name!

At the end of the day OP, you feel how you feel - you can't help that. You'll look like a massive spoilt dick to actually voice it though.

When she was a child if she went to her dad's every other weekend then her dad was there 4/30 and her step father was there 25/30 noone is saying she was abandoned but your dad brought her up too she has 2 father figures and step dad was more present, it sounds like he's a great guy. Could you use the name as a middle name?

I have the same first name as my cousin. Honestly, this is the first time in 53 years that it's struck me that someone might see it as an issue. Call your baby whatever you want. There will be other people with the same name anyway.

You can still use the name for your son. Your Dad must have been a very special man if both his children want to honour him by naming their children after him. Your step sister was brought up by your Dad and she became his daughter too. Don't fall out with her about this. Chose to take it as a compliment to your Dad. Using Daniel/Danielle example your niece may be known as Danie and your son could be Dan or Daniel. It does not have to be a problem. Don't make it one. Think of your Mum and be gracious.

So she left home when she was 20, to get married. I was 10, then she came back home for several reasons when I was 15, and honestly everything changed. It was all about her , and her child. X need this, and that. Sorry Maxine I have to help your sister.

But on the good side, I was happy to have the little baby there, and take care of her.

He doesn't compare us at all. He is very open minded. I see him often, and my sister is always there. I asked him to invite us on different days. But somehow she is always there. I got p*ssed off and asked him that I will not longer out with him if she comes. But she asked him when we're meeting and says she wants to come " I can't say no, I would feel bad".

It's like she's always everywhere in my life now.

I'm with Reddit. The man has raised her since she was two he is just as much her father as yours regardless if her bio father is in her life

Collette is lovely! Great idea. Nika - as someone else suggested - is gorgeous too.

If it's bothering you so much just ask her why she did it, and what her bio dad thinks. But agree with others, try to let the resentment go.

I hope you never end up with step kids who think so much of you that they'd name their baby after you. What a nightmare that would be?!

How? I didn't have any other house to go to every other week and half of the holidays.

Nicholas means "people of victory".
Colette also means the same thing.
Klaus means the same, but I can't find a female version of this. Others might be able to think of one

This is a list of girls' names associated with Victory. http://www.thinkbabynames.com/names/0/victory

The obvious one would be Victoria

Or perhaps think about strong female leaders in war
e.g. Elizabeth I
Isabella of Castille
Eleanor of Acquitaine

Athene is the Greek goddess of war

Or female versions of successful leaders - Alexander is the obvious one. Joshua brought victory to the people of Israel, but I can't think of a feminine version.

Or perhaps Laura/Lauren - referencing the laurel wreathes bestowed upon victors.

Hope that's a helpful start.

I get why you're upset about your sister's name choice. Sometimes it's so hard to move on when you've set your heart/mind on something and then it doesn't/can't happen. I agree that there's no point in asking your sister about it as there's nothing that can be done. I wonder if her bio dad is upset, especially if he's been an involved parent?

If you really want a family name, maybe consider asking your dad (or mum) for what names are special to them from their families. It might be really lovely for your dad to have a hand in your baby's name rather than just hearing that your child has been named after him.

Personally, I'm not a fan of family first names, it can seem a little like you're putting a new person in a box that says they should live up to their name and the person they're named after.

Could you not use another female version of his name, e.g. Daniela/Alexis?

I agree that it was an odd thing to do, but your last post makes me think that she is jealous of your relationship with your dad (are you his only child?). Naming her daughter after him seems to demonstrate that she wishes he was her dad. I feel sorry for her dad, but maybe it's revenge for having more children and being an involved step dad in his next marriage.

To anyone that thinks this isn't odd, imagine how you'd feel if your child named your grandchild after your ex husband's 2nd wife. It's certainly unusual if you've continued to be a good parent after the divorce.

What about your grandfathers name, your fathers father? Could you name him after him?
Danny, Dan or failing that, some other name you like.
You now know if you have anymore children to keep the name to yourself.
Sometimes you just have to put it down to experience however upsetting it has been for you, your sister probably didn't realise how much upset it would cause you and if she did then don't ever speak of your plans infront of her. She's probably just envious of you & your life.

Jeez, calm down

OP I would just focus on enjoying your first baby, it's not worth the hassle

I hope everything works out for you

Maybe she just likes the name.

Don't name him after anybody in the family. Your SS is very clearly a bit loopy on this insistence of linking baby2 to her stepdad (10-20 messages a day about it is actually a concerning number!).

Don't even bother entering the game. Let your daughter be entirely free.

And it sounds like your DF is a really lovely man. If he apologised to her father about this then he's obviously sensitive and decent. If you then name your baby after him, in any way that he's told about, it could actually make him quite awkward. He may end up feeling bad that you didn't name your daughter in some way after your mother, for example. So give your daughter a name that everybody can celebrate as being uniquely hers, and in no way linked to this nonsense your SS is pulling.

And btw I do not think you're being unreasonable. It does sound like she has major insecurities though and you're seeing them as some kind of threat rather than her weakness. I think that's understandable, our relationship with our parents is instinctual, so you're not seeing it coldly. She's probably been a little jealous you didn't live between two houses. Then you're pregnant when she is and she's worried your baby will be The First for him, he'll want to see you over her, and she won't get a look in, so she's going overboard making herself relevant. It's sad. Leave her to it and choose a name that is entirely unrelated to this mess!

To be honest OP, this is the kind of thing that would wind me right up but I think you need to move on too (easier said than done of course!). It does sound a bit like your sister might be trying to piss you off by all the messages? If so I would ignore.

If she has used Nicola, would you consider using Nicole or Nicky? Could be a way around it although probably likely to piss off your sister. I also like the name Holly which someone suggested unthread although I think the connection is more tenuous. I’ve just googled and apparently Nicholas means ‘victorious’, how about ‘Victoria’?

I think she’s been a bit of a b If she knew you wanted to use that name. If she didn’t know, I’m not sure you can complain. Do you know what, if you still love the name, you could still use it. Are there any other versions of it that you like?

@Maxinemumof2 Why don’t you name your child after her dad and then you’re even?

What are you hoping to get out of this? Everyone telling you you DSis is terrible and you are great? It has happened and you can stamp your feet but it won’t change anything. Do you really need to go about ‘honouring’ people for a name to have value? Does your DH have a parent he might like to honour? You sister has done literally nothing wrong here and if you really need to ‘honour’ someone look to your DH’s side, or give your kid the same middle name as a parent’s. Or an anagram, or spelt backwards.

All the messages in the family group are addressed to my dad.